Resilience at an all-time low

[MusicalFurbaby]

Hi peeps, sorry to post about this AGAIN (sorry-not-sorry), I just need to vent about how sick I am. I’ve now been off work for 5 months with persistent extertional breathlessness and no diagnosis. Starting to see marginal improvements, but it’s taken 5 months. I’ve been trying to do semi-normal things to help my body recondition, like short bouts of talking and playing keyboard, but I still fatigue super easily. I am also immunocompromised and catching every blessed bug that decides to go walkabout.

Yesterday I was meant to return to playing keyboard in my church band—a sliver of normalcy I’ve been planning for several weeks—but came down with a cold and had to pull out. I lost it, friends. Disappointed does not begin to cover it. I am normally a very resilient, hopeful, self-contained person, but when I realised I would have to cancel, I went to the back of the house and started screaming. Never done that before. I completely blew my stack. Ended up collapsed on the floor, a total sobbing mess. I’m not doing well. It occurs to me I might need some help.

Not looking for advice today, diagnostic or otherwise. I need nice pics, cute things, quirky things, things that make me smile or laugh. I am trying to hold on to my sanity, trying not to worry about this illness taking another 5 months to fully recover (and other Worst-Case Scenario tales). You guys have always been so supportive, and I need a little of the good stuff atm. Also my furbaby recently died and I’m really feeling the loneliness. Thanks in advance x

[LottieLou96]

Sorry to hear that MFb.

I can offer a story... this all happened yesterday.

After wishing the weekend that I could holster the strength to go to A and E, I took my guitar to the beach at early dawn, to literally just get out of my head and like you, was meant to be joining the worship band back up after two plus years.

Well, I sat there as the waves washed and lapped upon the shore, when out of the corner of my eye a young gentleman appeared. - his name RAFAEL.

💕💖💞💖

I was guarded at first, but he charmed me. Thinking I looked cool like I was in a rock band in my leather boots and quirky style. He played some music for me a while I him and he asked me why and how did I know to follow God?

Two hours later we were still chatting. I got a piece of paper and a pen finally as I left for church and he looked eager.... I wrote the name of my church, the address and meeting time and said if you want to meet me again, meet me there.

We will see what next Sunday might bring... XX

P.s. hopefully this helps. I went to the beach before dawn, bc the darkest hour is always before the dawn ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[MusicalFurbaby in reply to LottieLou96]

Thanks for sharing this story LL…often God brings little gifts like these on our dark days, like small acts of kindness. How beautiful. Let us know how next Sunday goes! Did you get to play with the band after all? How did it go?

[LottieLou96 in reply to MusicalFurbaby]

I played couldn't hear a thing though, or feel the guitar too well, but I had a go. Sometimes that's all we can do is try for now x

[MusicalFurbaby in reply to LottieLou96]

Exactly right. That’s all we can manage some days. Glad you had a go. Hope you get to play again soon 👍 x

[LuzyCLL]

Hope you can find a new furbaby…that will help. Sorry to hear you are disheartened by all this, I think we all go there, some more than others.

[MusicalFurbaby in reply to LuzyCLL]

We definitely do, I seem to be ‘there’ a lot atm! Hoping to start shopping for new furbabies in the next couple of weeks. They really make such a difference!

[svfarmer]

So sorry that you are really struggling at the moment and really sorry your furbaby passed away, they really do help to cheer us up - sending hugs 🤗🤗💕

[MusicalFurbaby in reply to svfarmer]

Thank you x