I am sick of complaining sick of hearing myself say"I dont feel good....I want an end .I want to know this will stop.I want be be ME again.II have all this drive and ambition but I'm stuck in this sick body.I use to be another person not who I see in the mirror now.I use to have my own place 2 cars.I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 I was a go getter .I'm not meant for this life.I grew up the a bad neighborhood and got an apartment in the suburbs of cleveland "Parma ohio" ..I'm 32 now I lost everything from being sick..I gave up my Father made me get SSI thank god for that! I couldn't work can't work now.But I have to rediscover myself the new me.I have lupus it sucks it painful.I have to see the good...What I have to be thankful for.I have to look in the mirror everyday with tears streaming down my face and say"it could be worse..."You are alive."You have a baby.."Your a Mother and it's ok.."If thats all you can be be the best Mother you can be.."Your not worthless."Pick yourself up and thank god for this opportunity to be here."Some people are in the hospital wishing they had your chance so pick yourself up..I cry while I type this.. I cry while I say this everyday several times a day.But today I will take my pain medication .I will dye my hair to pick myself up..I will smile at my baby and thank god I'm here.