I'm having a moment...
Instead of bottling up I wanted to share it. I think the saying is " a problem shared is a problem halved"
My 13 year old son is literally going on 30! We've had our struggles over the last several months. But somehow during hormones, school, girls, & most of all me & my Health, tonight's topic of conversation was literally the most shocking & saddest thing I've ever heard.
I'm not taking it too heart, I'm trying to take it on the Chin.
I didn't cry in front of him, I let him rant & walk away before I could even breath out. I went upstairs into the bathroom, put the toilet seat lid down & just sat & had what felt like the deepest bellowing cry inside.
Have you ever had that feeling like a piece of you had been shattered?! & I was trying my god dam hardest to pull myself together & pick up my broken pieces & walk out head held high, but that last little piece I've been clinging so hard on too had died inside me..
All I asked was..
How about we go to the beach tomorrow, we haven't had much time together lately & as the whole family is going too I thought it would be a great opportunity for us. Sit on the beach, even if it rains, we can make some mud castles 😂 & eat some fresh fish & chips, sit and watch the sea & waves just have some mum & son time. We need it I need it. We can pick some shells & take a mini adventure in the caves. I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you, It will be fun
Sorry mum but I can't walk around with you being ill and that!
I don't mean to upset you but I got better things to do than sit & watch the world go by. Don't get me wrong, fish n chips sound nice but I'm going to the gym tomorrow.
I said ok, whatever you want lovey.
And then I said I'd be there most of the day & would of loved him to of come so your have to go to your dads house & stay there till I get home. Because I don't want you to be on your own.
He then said " well looks like I'm gunna be on my own soon mum, I know your gunna die! & sometimes I wish it would just happen already ! Im
Embarrassed to bring my friends over, all I hear is health health health I'm sick of it & im sick of you try n not die at the beach, & as he was walking off he said by the looks of it you do need a good meal your like a skeleton ! Only dogs like bones mum ! (Laughed) put his head phones on.. slammed the door.
I am not sharing this as a negative, I'm sharing because despite my illness I'm still a mum, I'm
Still trying my best & now it's even more difficult, it gets harder every day. & i feel like im being targeted everyday in general & obviously my own body is against me Aswell. With my new diagnosis, & this added stress I'm still trying to not break down.
It just hurts sometimes..