Yesterday i saw my consultant at guys where i broke down for 2hours and cried till she cried with me. She told me i have been in denial about my illness i have fears my mother died of scelerodema.. i have sle lupus antiphospholiped raybauds cerebral lupus for 2 years i have fought hard wishing it would somehow go away... i don't want to end up like her. I am so depressed lately. Words in my head came out through my mouth. I told her at times i just want to die... at times when i can't hold a cup of tea or squeeze toothpaste or get dressed without feeling so much pain i just want to die. I feel so alone just me n my son who at 12 is my carer.. i feel angry n guilty. Keep throwing up blood and everytime i look on the mirror i don't recognise who i was... who i am..
they say fake it till you make it but i am so tired of faking it