Going back

I've gone back to a bad place at the moment . Yesterday my cousin Nan died . She wasn't my family by blood but I classed her as family she was like a nan . I've stayed countless times at her house with my cousins .

She felt really ill on Tuesday night . My cousin is a panicker. So I stayed with her at her nan . I had to go home wenesday because of driving lesson Thursday . My Aunty rang doctor for her . Doc said she had sickness bug . My cousins dad stayed with his mum Wednesday and Thursday . Friday morning she stopped breathing . He had to give her cpr she was gone .

She was only 67 . She had lupus as well . I just can't stop thinking and thinking things in my head . I feel lost . As she was the only person that understood lupus . We could about it she had raynaurds as well . We saw the same consualtant . I know the funeral I'll be terrible . I've already cried and couldn't stop yesterday .

I've gone back to where I think what's the point in life if your just gonna die .

14 Replies

  • Oh bless, it sounds like you've had a terrible shock. Losing someone you love and look up to is always difficult whether you have Lupus or not. Grief can be incredibly overwhelming and brings lots of emotions and thoughts flooding over you,and questioning the point of life is not uncommon. Try and talk about this with family and friends or your doctor if it becomes very overwhelming.

    Try and focus on some positive memories and be gentle on yourself.

    I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

  • So sorry you have lost someone you were close to. It is normal to cry and grieve. You are a brave young lady but don't be afraid to ask for help from your family or doctor if you need to.

  • Oh LouLamb I am so so sorry to hear your news. You Must be truly devastated bless you.

    Losing someone close wjphether true family ir nit is always hard and my heart goes out to you

    Seek help and support from friends and family but if you need extra then dont be afraid to look further afield for bereavement counselling.

    Please take care of yourself lou.



  • How are you today LouLamb?

  • Feel bit better . Went out with my cousin to occupy my mind . Made some plans for the week as well

  • Glad to hear you feel a bit calmer. Don't over do it and be gentle to yourself. Baby steps for a while! Take care. 💐

  • I'm so sorry to read about you losing a loved one, especially when it was so sudden. My heart goes out to you. Crying and grieving are totally to be expected. Take your time to deal with this. You will have good days and bad. Positive thoughts and negative. But you have been doing so well for yourself recently. Don't lose sight of that. We're all really proud of you here. You have Easter holidays off now don't you? Spend time with your family and friends. Share your grief with them. And take are of yourself. You are stronger than you think you are. X

  • I don't go back to work till 18th . I spent some time today with my cousin . I went to her house yesterday and spent time with her . I have talking to her about memories that I have of her nan, she's been talking to me about her nan as well . Its nice to talk and remember her

  • Sounds like a good way of dealing with it. You and your cousin getting through it together. x

  • Prayers for you Loulamb. I'm sorry for your terrible loss.

  • Oh you poor thing. I lost my brother last month, sudden, unexpected and traumatic. The trauma of it on top of your feelings and need of this lady will knock you for six. I wanted to follow my brother - it made me so ill as well but now I am healing in every sense. Please ask for help if you need to and allow yourself to grieve - rest as much as you can. I am sure this lady would not want you to suffer. Walk in the sunshine x

  • It's just crazy to think she's gone . Like say she weren't my family by blood but sure classed her as family . She really was like a Nan .

    To think that their won't be anymore Christmas were spend together as a big family . I won't see on the bus anymore .

    Just keep talking and focusing on the good memories I have of her.

  • All these thoughts will go round and round and then gradually fade. Try to distract yourself - I am sure she would not want you unhappy for too long. Try to rest also to keep as well as you can. Time and love of those around you will help.

  • Hi loulamb

    So sorry to read of your loss. As others have said its the shock as well as the worry that your nan had lupus too!. It will take a long time to process your feelings so be kind to yourself , crying is great because it lets it out. After a while just think would my nan want me to be so sad?. TAKE CARE , we're thinking of you.x

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