I don't know what to do, I feel so down
I was feeling so much better a couple of months ago and my rheumatologist said I could reduce meds! I was so happy and feeling great apart from being a bit tired. I thought right, time to move on then! So I went and applied for a job, and I got it! I was over the moon and couldn't wait to get started. Then ended up back in hospital on 12th jan with pericarditis / serositis, which is how my lupus affects me. So they quickly upped my meds and put me back on the ones I had stopped and the pain got better, but the trouble is since then the tiredness has been unbareable! I truly am exhausted. I sleep well at night so that's not a problem, I even sleep well in the day, because I have to, and trust me I try not to. Yesterday I felt like I was dying I was that tired, I felt I had done 5 night shifts in a row when in reality I have hardly done anything for the past 2 weeks, not even housework really, just cooking and washing up.
I keep telling myself, go for the job, this won't last forever. But then I think yes but will it last forever? And I am meant to be starting on Wednesday, am I going to be feeling better by then, because if not I don't think I can do it
Was I being too optimistic to think I could hold down a job? Its only 16 hours a week but even that seems a massive task right now.
(I wrote this the other day, thought it had been deleted! so i'll post it now. Must not have pressed the submit button ooops)