Everything that can go wrong is!

Sorry to post such negativity, but I am struggling at the moment. Having had chemo constantly throughout last year and suffered with all the side effects, I was told a few weeks ago I had two new tumours. The pluerodesis operation at christmas didn't work so a second operation to insert a catheter drain was done. Unfortunately this didn't go to plan and I had to have a 'handbag' drain for several more weeks than expected. This was then removed and a catheter drain inserted with a view to then trying new chemo. The chemo had to be delayed as I contracted an infection in the fluid within my lung and have had to complete a course of antibiotics. I am finding it so very hard to stay ontop of things, the oncologist and McMillan nurse is wonderful & are trying to get ontop of my medication to help with the pain, but we haven't had much success to date. I am either awake and in horrid pain, unable to function. Or having taken so much pain relief I sleep to escape from the pain. When the pain takes hold I find myself wishing the most horrid things just to escape the pain. I desperately want to fight along with my family but I seem to be spiralling out of control very quickly since Easter. I have lost all my appetite and am now 7stone 2lb. My husband drains my lung every day but I am finding the pain very severe and am becoming more and more afraid of doing this. I have another appointment this Wednesday with the oncologist to hopefully start the new chemotherapy. We have everything crossed that this new chemotherapy will work and at least halt the tumours, shrinkage would be wonderful. Does anyone have any ideas how I can stay positive. Although I am surounded by the most wonderful family and awsome friends I still feel terribly alone and cannot see light at the end of the tunnel. This is such an awful illness, no matter what we try we hit a brick wall, just a little bit of good news would help. Does anybody have any help.

Kind regards, Tallulah Mae.

10 Replies

  • Lulla, so sorry to hear how things are with you. Don't be sorry about the negative aspect, this disease can bring the strongest to their knees. Just the fact that you are posting on this site encouraging comments about your family and medical team is a positive. Let's hope that this week brings some better news. Keep strong.


  • stay strong prayers are with you xx

  • Sorry your struggling. I know we cant work magic but we would if we could. Stay positive thinking , You will get there, its just a toughy which is putting up a fight. All our love and good vibes are being sent to you. stay positive . xxx

  • sending you a big big hug (try to stay positive)

  • Hi lovie so sorry to hear all of your discomforts and the battle you have had yes it`s the worst disease on the planet. I just wish that there was global goverment push on getting a cure for this soul destroying disease. They should plough all the money they spend on wars ect to getting a cure.

    Anyway my dear you keep hanging in there fight the good fight as they say. My heart goes out to you and your family. I just lost my wife on the 7th of April this year by was she a fighter you hang in my love, and I hope that you begin to pick up I wish all the very very best of luck. Stick it to it Lulla God Bless. Alex. xx

  • Dear Lulla,

    So sorry you are having a rotten time - you are such a fighter and I have found such inspiraion in your posts - you give such hope in your battle, but sounds like you are having a really bad time - I don 't know what to say to make things better for you except that I and many others are thinking of you and truly hope that this new chemo will help you to ease your pain and enjoy your life a bit more...........sending positive thoughts and wishing I had a magic wand xxxxxx

  • Hi Lulla,

    Realy sorry that you're having such a rough time and don't apologise for posting your feelings. It's better to say how you feel. I wish there was something I could say to bring back the positive attitiude you had but you are lucky to have such wonderful people around you. Hopefully they can get on top of your problems and get you back on track. You deserve something positive for a change

    Thinking of you.

    Love Sue xx

  • Tallulah

    Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. No apologies necessary for posting, that is what the site is here for and I am sure many of us having been thinking about you.

    I hope your appointment tomorrow brings some options and gives you the support you need and deserve. If we can do anything to sign post you to support services or other resources please do contact us via the website or helpline.

    very best wishes


    on behalf of the Information & Support team

  • Dear Lulla

    I am so sorry

    I pray for you, and all of us fighting the beast.

    I hope you are feeling better

  • So sorry your feeling down, try and stay positive, as your well being needs your inner strength to keep going, and as we now positive far better than other thoughts, keep focused on getting well. hope you feel better soon.

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