Just emptiness

I sit here typing and all I can think of is that life is empty. Nothing seems to excite me or bring me out of my zone of reality not having anything of worth in it.

I find myself wanting to rebel against the system and do something extreme just so life isn't boring or empty. I'm male, 28 and currently working full time in a job I couldn't give a damn about, studying a degree full time and learning 3 languages. If I don't keep busy I feel like I life will just devour me and I'll wake up in 50 years time and not have a clue where life went.

The best way to describe how I'm feeling is the Edgar Allen Poe poem called the raven; a few lines in particular:

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;"

The dream I keep seeing is running away and starting a new life; a life of excitement and passion, in a country where no one knows me; where I can be a new person rather than a shell of a man that life forgot about...

You see my trap? By not allowing myself to abandon everything my partner, my degree, my family and friends I feel life is nothing but a cage of stagnation and fetid decay.

I've been down the route of antidepressants and CBT before but neither worked for me.

3 Replies

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  • Are you doing to much but think you are not doing enough?

  • I'm just trying to fill a void, an emptiness that never ceases.

  • Maybe spend more time with your partner doing enjoyable things together?

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