I have been depressed for 5 years, it started as PND after the birth of my twins. I took Sertraline and had mother and baby counselling (can't remember the proper name for it sorry) for about a year which did help and I gradually felt better, to the point about a year ago when my GP was ready to take me off the medication. However I suddenly became much worse again. I did have several things going on at the time, family illness, financial problems, relationship problems, which all seemed to happen at once and would have made anyone a bit depressed I think! But I also developed very low iron levels which meant I was, and still am, completely exhausted all the time. My GP didn't test for this at the time though, as he assumed it was the depression causing the tiredness.
My doctor upped my dose of Sertraline again and recommended a course of CBT. I was more than willing to try this. However, at my first appointment I was told it was only 6 sessions, and would focus on changing the way I thought about things, to stop me being so negative. The next few sessions basically involved a very pleasant lady chatting away for 45 minutes about thinking positive, and ignoring the fact that I had very few things to think positive about at the time! None of it seemed of any help at all, and after unavoidably missing 2 sessions, due to me and my children being ill, I decided not to continue.
Since then I just seem to have got worse. My GP has now put me on iron tablets, but my iron is still very low (about half what it should be) so I am still permanently tired, which makes it harder still to cope with day to day life. I can't cope with the housework, consequently the house is in such a state that we can't have any visitors round, and our friends are starting to take offence that we keep making excuses.
I should mention that my partner is not helpful at all, but I'm not surprised really, he's sick of the whole situation. He is no good with emotional stuff, he understands the anaemia but not the depression. He told me 3 months ago that he wanted to be single, and would find somewhere else to live and I could rent the house from him (it's his house), however he hasn't done so, which means I feel like I'm living with someone who doesn't want or like me, which has made me very resentful and sad. On Wednesday we had a huge row in front of the children, which I really didn't want to do, and I ended up in hysterics, clutching on to them both and screaming that I would never leave them and why hadn't he left like he said he would. I also told him that the reason I didn't clean the house was because I was trying to drive him out! I don't know why I said that because it's not really true!
Anyway, last time I saw my GP he told me he wanted me to have CBT again, but I didn't make an appointment as I really didn't think it would help. After Wednesday's row I just felt worse and worse, so decided to try and find some other help, so yesterday (Saturday) I found my local mental health team number and rang them, only to be given a different number and so on and so on, until I spoke to someone who said they would assess me in 2 weeks time. It was only when I got off the phone that I realised it was the CBT team I'd been speaking to!
So basically I don't seem to be able to get any immediate help or advice, all the helplines seem to be closed until office hours, and I honestly feel like I'm falling apart mentally and won't last till then.
I had no intention of writing such a long post and don't really expect anyone to actually read it all. But maybe it will have helped me a bit to write it all down.
I feel as if I have a broken mind, like a broken leg, and don't understand why it can't be fixed with medication, and why everyone seems to think that talking about it will fix it. Nobody would suggest thinking positive to mend a broken leg, so why is this any different?