only 12 weeks and don't know how I am going to last with this constant worry

Hi All,

I just joined the community and have read many of the posts on successful pregnancies and APS. Currently I am between 11-12 weeks and decided I just needed a support community with other people who have gone through this, or are currently going through this because I am feeling very alone and isolated.

My background: had two early miscarriages in 2014 and knew something was wrong. Instinctively I have known that I had a blood clotting issue for many years. Doctors didn’t really want to test until I had 3 but I insisted and was diagnosed with APS. I started taking choloroquine and 80mcg aspirin daily.

Found out I was pregnant in July at around 4 weeks and started the clexane injections. I also am on progesterone. My last scan was just over 2 weeks ago at 9 weeks- everything looked fine, strong heart beat and so on which was comforting as I never got to see a heart beat in either of the other pregnancies because I didn’t have a scan until it was too late.

I live in Malawi, in Africa, and there isn’t good health care here and I never would have been comfortable giving birth here, so I got set up with an OBGYN in Cape Town, South Africa before I conceived, because they have amazing health care. Before I got pregnant my doctor told me she would want me to move to Cape Town at 24 weeks so my OBGYN and rheumatologist can monitor the pregnancy better. I am going down to CT in 3 days for my first trimester screening etc. so will chat with the doctors and see if the plan is the same.

I am not sure how I am going to last 6-7 more months like this. I am so worried something will go wrong and am very anxious for this next scan. I am waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it. I am especially worried the further along I get. Early miscarriages were hard enough but I don’t think I could handle a stillbirth.

I noticed that someone people quit their jobs and were told just to rest? I basically will be doing that since I have to move away from my husband at 24 weeks so won’t be working but I like to be active- I am doing daily walking, Pilates 2-3x per week, and weights 1-2x per week; all modified and not pushing myself but I have found it really helps me.

What did you others do to ease the anxiety? Time seems to be passing very slowly.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!

Thanks and warm wishes to you all!

9 Replies

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  • Hi and welcome to our friendly forum.

    I'm sure that some of our lady members will reply to you soon.

    Best wishes.

    Dave

  • First of all welcome and congratulations! Perhaps I am stating the obvious and I don't want to sound patronising but you must try not to worry to much - easier said than done I appreciate. Thing is, the more you worry the more tense you get and then those horrible thoughts get going and you end up driving yourself mad.

    I would suggest that you continue to do light exercise if your Doctors in CT approve it. Walking is great and the fresh air and sunshine will do you good. Join some clubs so you meet some new friends, get active by volunteering in something that is not too energetic so you meet people and keep your mind active. The time will then go more quickly. Good Luck and keep us posted!

  • Hi all,

    Thanks for the responses!

    I totally agree that worrying isn't helpful and I will go bat-crazy.

    Luckily, I am a busy person already; we run our own fitness business so there is lots to do and I am seeing people all day.

    I think it is just something I have to come to terms with in my head. I am a controlling type of personality and this is something that is beyond my control. And the thing is, we never can control what ends up happening to our child, or loved ones, at any point in life, so maybe this is a lesson I should learn now.

  • Hi,

    I too suffered 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth at 6 months in due to growth retriction of the baby. It was hell but then i was diagnosed with APS.

    I am 8 and a half weeks pregnant (accidentally) and am currently experiencing very mixed emotions but am being case managed by the wonderful Professor Catherine Nelson-Piercy at St Thomas'.

    My advice to you is to stay calm. Stressing and worrying will you do & the baby no good at all. I know better than anyone how difficult this is & being apart from your husband will be very trying am sure.

    I've had to give up work but have taken up painting & am aiming to start teaching art workshops to primary school children. Life will change but the most important thing is to try very hard to keep positive. Not easy, but you have to for your sake and your family.

    We have decided not to announce the pregnancy (other than very close family) so we don't have to deal with the pain of last time when literally everyone knew & the baby didn't make it.

    Please stay in touch, I'd love to be able to help you more. If you are being medicated all we can do is trust in our physicians. I am.

    I'm taking bisoprolol, baby aspirin, adcal d3, twice daily Dalteparin injections amd citalopram.

    I only had heart surgery on the 25th June this year (mitral valve repair) so wasn't supposed to be pregnant to soon and it honestly was a shock & surprise as we had been so careful. The irony being my fertility is clearly amazing despite everything else! I was very worried they would tell me the pregnancy wasn't viable but Prof C N-P seems fairly positive and told me i am looking at a 70-80% projection of positive outcome.

    Please try not to worry too much at this stage. My advice is to take one day at a time.

    Ps, I'm 38.

    Lots of love

    Hayley xx

  • Hi, I have APS and had 2 strokes last year. I actually fell pregnant whilst on warfarin and after being told I would struggle to have children! I started taking clexane twice a day throughout and aspirin until 37 weeks and was induced at 39 weeks. I can happily say I have a happy healthy 4 month old girl -our little miracle! I know it is impossible not to worry, I did for 39 weeks but it is possible everything will be fine. Have faith. X

  • Hi there. I completely understand where you are coming from. You've probably read my story on here but if not - in a nutshell - I had a twin still birth followed by 2 miscarriages and was diagnosed with APS. With proper treatment I then had a very straight forward pregnancy and my daughter was born a very healthy weight without complications at 38 weeks. She's now 14 months old.

    I was very stressed throughout the pregnancy but as time went on I felt better. Having the extra growth scans helped as I knew that if she was growing well then the placenta was working as it should. By the end I was quite calm.

    I carried on working until 32 weeks and did light exercise. It's good for the blood flow so I was told. You've done the right thing by seeking excellent medical help. I'm more than happy to chat more if you need to with someone who has gone through this. Feel free to message me if you need anything x

  • Hypnotherapy CDs! Made a huge difference to me when I was stressing and stressing in pregnancy. Really helped me to rest, relax and sleep.

  • I agree hypnotherapy CDs really helped. I had the ones for pregnancy after IVF but any relaxation ones will help.

    You will worry as I did ( 3 first tri miscarriages and 1 second) with my fifth pregnancy I was confined it would end badly but I have a beautiful little girl who is my world. I also needed a cervical

    Stitch at 19 weeks due to previous treatment for precancerous cells and had to come off my thinners for 48 hours which was very stressful but It all worked out.

    I found the first 12 weeks the hardest and asked every week from 34 weeks if I could have a c section but we went to 38+5 and had a natural birth.

    Just take one day at a time, it's easier said than done I know but we are all here for you.

    Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts xx

  • Oh wow, thank you so much everyone for all these responses, you have no idea how much better I feel after having read them! Joining this group was the best thing ever!

    I have been delaying announcing until after this trip but don’t think I can keep it a secret much longer. It has been hard enough as it is, not feeling well and having to teach fitness classes. As an owner of a fitness business, it is hard to disguise not feeling well but I have to! Also the problems are a) I wear skin tight workout clothes that everything is visible b) have to start modifying exercises at some point soon.

    I also figure if I lose this one, people will end up having to know because I won’t be at work for a while. I found it very helpful that I had so much support during my miscarriages because everyone knew.

    Anyway, I have my scans on Monday so just 3 more days! I think moving forward I am going to ask if I can order a hand held Doppler so I can listen to the heartbeat daily. What are thoughts on this? Also, how frequently is it safe to go for scans? Is every 10-14 days ok? I think that would ease my mind too.

    Which hypo CDS did everyone use? I am game =)

    @Hayley: I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Devastating but we are in this together! You gave me very good advice! Thank you for sharing!

    @ emem_17 and Hopingforababy- such a lovely success stories, that helps a lot! Sorry for all you went through but I love the final result =)

    @ starships- I have been saying the same thing to my husband; as soon as we know the baby could survive, I was thinking C-section, even though deep down I really want a natural.

    Anyway I will keep you all posted and thanks again for all the advice and support xxx

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