childhood trauma

[Stillstrugglingat50]

I realize this is a vague title and may lead you down a rabbit whole but it isn't what you think. My father died when I was 13 in a car accident, he hit the tree in front of my house. At 13 I didn't think it was a problem, yes I was sad, but I didn't think it was a problem. The problems actually didn't start just then. A month later my nephew committed suicide (1988) and still I was sad but I again I didn't think it was a problem. Death has kinda plagued me; but the PTSD started after I was sexually assaulted in college by someone I thought was a friend. (1993)For some reason after that, everything hit me like a freight train.

It seems everything came at me like a train and there was nothing I could do to stop it. All the things that happened previously, my dad, my nephew, Oh yeah and my house burnt down when i was a junior in high school and my best friend's dad was the general contractor who took on rebuilding the house, well he fell off the roof and died. (1992)

With all this and continued to be plagued later in life - my twin nephews dying of heroin overdoses and losing many friends and relatives to age and etc, well.. it just doesn't seem to get better.

I have been married twice and divorced twice. I tend to wonder if that is me or just simply that I attrack the negative people in my life. Right now I really need to try to bring myself out of this whole thing .. I have been in this state of isolation and distraction and just can't seem to pull it all together.

People do not seem to understand and with that ... I am struggling.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Stillstrugglingat50

Welcome to the community.

You have experienced so much trauma in your life. I'm very sorry for all you have had to cope with.

Your bio says you have been on the same treatment for some time. Do you think you need to look into changing that? Medications? Therapy?

It's so hard when our outside world doesn't understand how we are affected but trauma. Life can be very difficulty and we can feel alone even in a room full of people.

We are here to support you

❤️🐬

[Mamamichl]

I grew up with a lot of trauma from my mother sex trafficking me. I thought I was good until I finished my bachelors degree manga cum laude but was denied teacher certification. That’s when I started counseling, was misdiagnosed anxiety when I am also adhd and ptsd. It took me 15 years for me to process that I could be a virgin (no penetration), and still be sex trafficked. That’s also when I was finally diagnosed with my other conditions. There’s something about sexual abuse that makes the world break, like we lose our sense of control of our own bodies.

You have truly been through a lot. You are still here, so that shows your strength, though it makes you feel weak. It takes a lifetime to try to repair the damage done. I’m so glad you are here to try to heal. Zen hugs 🫂

[Daylightsaving]

I hear you, you are not alone 💕