I don’t feel ‘me’

[Teddydog123]

Hi, I’m new here and looking for advice.

I lost my Dad 4 years ago. It was sudden, unexpected and I found him dead on the kitchen floor. My Mum who has Alzheimer’s was with him but didn’t and still doesn’t understand he’s died, 2 days later we had to my mum into a care home and a week after Dads funeral we locked down so I wasn’t able to see mum for almost a year.

Over the past 4 years I thought I coped with grieving for Dad and mum too as they were such a huge part of my life and I adored them. I have an amazing husband, 2 grown up kids and a gorgeous 6 year old grandson.

I’m the ‘doer’ of the family - the glue if you like. Always busy doing and helping . I do think I’m a changed person. Nowhere near as sociable and confident as I was. But over the last few months I seem to be really struggling with….

constantly feel tired

No interest in anything

Apathy

No libido

Find myself lmwaking at night going over the details of ‘the day’ I found dad

Feel like life has lost its sparkle

Overeating and drinking

scared of dying suddenly like dad but still can’t seem to get a handle on getting fit and losing weight.

Scrolling my phone for hours

I take 150g Sertraline but wonder if it could be PTSD or would this have developed before now?

Thanks for listening x

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. Have you had any therapy?

[Mamamichl]

it does sound like you may have ptsd. I would talk to your doc and get a referral to psych. There is a med that can help, though therapy works well for me.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hey Teddydog123,

It sounds like you have been through a lot - in such a short amount of time - I'm so, so sorry.

It is understandable, I feel, that you are not feeling like your old self.

There has been such a great deal of change for you, with much of it unexpected and, no doubt you were surviving by being in 'coping mode' throughout.

Losing a parent is life-changing. I hope you are able to take time for yourself, to breathe and just catch up in yourself, before trying to return to being the full-time doer/provider/giver.

Extreme stress can make us feel detached from ourselves and our surroundings. There's a technical term for both, incidentally. The first relates to depersonalisation and the second, to derealisation.

Extreme stress, let alone PTSD, can create such sense of detachment. It would definitely be worthwhile asking a GP doctor about these experiences.

I found connecting to Nature my ultimate healing modem of operandi. Gardening helped me to reconnect and rediscover my own inner clock and natural rhythms, after losing them to extreme stress (and PTSD).

Take good care of yourself. That is a priority

Saving Grace x