healthy coping

[peacefulandcalm]

hi, oh, yeah, this is a new format like you said, Nathalie.

I think I read it briefly.

I am dissociating.

First, I want to thank everyone who has pm'd me

and replied to my posts lately, and just everyone for being on here.

I know I have not gotten back. Or replied to posts lately. It has been ridiculously hot for weeks of 107F. I think it must be climate change.

I have been doing all I can to clean, take care of me, and cats.

People I know say I am doing better this summer than the last five.

It is just that now with four more days of 105F and sending a beautiful

plant box and card to my father, now for 93rd bday which is tomorrow,

I began to dissociate. I am having very bad ptsd. Nightmares. Flashbacks again. Lashing out in anger.

My spine hurts so much.

I just emailed a coach person. I am trying. Self care all I can.

I want to be on here more and the heat and ac has been so much, hotter than usual again and hardly any monsoons yet. All I can do is one thing at a time.

I planted some pretty white flowers with pink center. I like petunias so I will get some and plant those.

By the afternoon, the hottest time of the day, it has been not good lately, dissociating.

My father is in my psyche since I sent the card and plant to get there today and tomorrow is bday. Please pray if you do and would ? that I will be well and get through today and next few days.

I know I cannot be there for anyone if I am not taking care of myself first.

I feel the worthlessness feeling, the terror, the pain in my spine, the tapes in my head saying I am in danger and no good and on and on. I have been freezing, not moving.

But pushing myself, to get my meds, do the next right thing.

I am trying my best.

I am very slowly trying to reach out to new kind people .

And also been talking with a new coach to try once again to have some more support.

thank you for any prayers and any support. I know I am rambling.

I am thinking of all beautiful souls here and hope when this adrenaline stops, I will

be able to come back on more again and also reply to so very kind pm's, to posts, and replies from before, thank you so much...<3 -after ridiculous heat, ac issues.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Peacefulandcalm,

Good to hear from you.

The new post layout has a different place to make the posts private to the community only.

You can edit again and set to "Community" underneath on the left hand side. That way you can see a symbol of a padlock next to your post title, to the right. It looks a bit differently now after the upgrade.

I am sorry it's been so very hot where you are and I know that the heat is a huge issue.

Hope you will have some cooler weather soon.

It's a triggering situation with your father's birthday. Nice that you sent him a gift and a card.

Thinking of you...

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you Nathalie <3 I will have to read the instructions in two days after heat, supposed to go under 100F next week too.

thank you for your support so much.

I am hurting so much today. I sent these and no email

back yet about plant, and it is fine, it just is typical of this person , most people probably would have sent email by now, but I am trying to let it go.

It is just that is causes CPTSD, any interaction, I have to go through hell so badly and I am in agony....it will pass in a few days....xx

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I am sorry that the waiting time is so stressful, P&C.I hope that you receive a thank you email very soon.

As a side note: I do have potted plants/flowers instead of the bouquets as they stay longer and we can enjoy the flowers many times.

It's very thoughtful of you.

I hope you enjoy your own plants and your patio.

I'm sorry about the heat. Good that a bit cooler weather (relatively speaking, compared to now) is coming.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you Nathalie. I am having rage, ptsd, flashbacks, agony, depression too.

I am so angry. All I can do is punch the blow up bag I have and journal and

water outside. It is 104F still.

I feel like I am going to explode.

I want to walk, run, lose all the weight, get proper tx, be free from this.

And today all I can do is contain my rage. Put my earphones on.

self care, cats, barely function.

Then wait and have nightmares for nights and then finally back to ok.

Each time I say, I cannot do this anymore. And then I do what is kind to someone else and pay hell for it in myself.

It will be days before it goes, I know.

I have to accept it and just do self care.

I will jet ski, walk, run, mediate in the trees, sit by a stream, tennis, get a nice camera, take nature photos, do all I enjoy soon.

I am in agony today. I am paralyzed in terror and rage, my brain and body. Dissociation.

<3

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hi P&C. I hope you are ok? Did you receive a response from your father?

You are a great daughter - I want you to know that. No matter what response you do or do not receive - you are a super daughter, who is coping with life - often in its extreme - and I think you are an incredibly strong lady, who does deserve all the very best.

The summer here in England, is reaching high temperatures and I am appreciating the annual challenge that you face.

I dearly hope that this year you can find the outcomes, the answers, the resolves - everything that is needed to ensure that this hot weather does not detrimentally impact on your health ....

We are thinking of you - here for you - always

Sending blessings <3

SG

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to SavingGrace]

thank you SG, very much for your kind words and support. I am hurting and filled with cptsd feelings and thoughts. Trying to cope.

It hurts so much today, but I know it will pass in a couple days.

Nightmares, flashbacks etc.

And it is hot for a few more days, 105F still. yeah, places are getting hotter everywhere, do you notice it in England in the summer now?

Ac on brain for a month with 105F + for one month!

I am doing better than last five summers, but I am in agony.

thank you so much for your kind words and support....

<3

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

It's good to see you.

Those are really hot temperatures. Please be careful and take proper care of yourself.

I don't know the depth of your issues with your dad. I do sense some deep rooted issues. I hope he responds to your kind gesture.

You are right. Take care of you first. This is a tough time of year for you and we understand that.

Enjoy your gardening. That's a beautiful way to take your mind off things.

Wishing you good health and peace.

❤️🐬

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you Dolphin, yeah, it is difficult.

I am gardening, will get some more flowers and plant them in a bit.

My shoulders are hunched today after so much CPTSD happening after interacting with father, and the temps so hot and ac on my brain day and night.

I pray a lot and drink juice, and I just need some rest and relief very soon.

thank you very much...xxx