I have been diagnosed with dissociative disorder, ptsd, severe depression and anxiety disorder. My thoughts seem to just race and race. I can't sleep and I am always preoccupied with the constant thought pattern of suicide. About a week ago I was hospitalized for attempting suicide. I feel like I am living for others and not myself. I feel like I am done with this place. I want to see what comes next. When I'm driving it's all I can do to keep myself from smashing into other cars at 80mph, or driving off a bridge. These thoughts haunt me every second of everyday. They also scream at me off and on. I can't keep it quiet in my head and I think I am going crazy. With all these racing and intrusive thoughts I feel like all I can do is end my life to make it stop. I haven't slept in a week and everything seems distorted. It just makes everything worse, and my grip on reality is slipping. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and lost. Thanks for "listening".
Racing suicidal thoughts and thoughts that sc... - Heal My PTSD
Racing suicidal thoughts and thoughts that scream at me.
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It is not a good place to be, it sounds very distressing. Apart from medication you need stress relief. Try to rest? And try to see a cranial osteopath, or a physical therapist or another kind of therapist (depending on what appeals to you and what in available) in order to release all that stress.
You seem very tense, when you will be less tense things will look manageable. Step by step. Maybe even you will be able to enjoy more and more things in this life, who knows, nobody knows the future.
I hope you find relief very soon
Thanks chillidawg, that is a good idea. I try to do that already but this sickness draws me back in. I will try a little harder to fight these thoughts.
I think this is terrific advice MultipleChris. I do the same thing....notice small wonders of beauty and if only for that instant, it's good to be alive to experience and appreciate. I wish those moments added up to a more consistent contentment for me. My big brother shot himself at the end of Sept 11yrs ago and I still terribly grieve him. Your observation that suicide transfers the pain to others really resonated with me. I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a child to suicide as I can scarcely bear the pain of losing my best friend and closest connection I've ever had in my life. You have deep and abiding courage, my friend, and are an inspiration to the rest of us to press on. Peace and blessings to you.
I agree 100% with geminidancer you are an inspiration and I know the feeling of losing my best friend to soon. My brother died 6 years ago, he was 26 from an aortic dissection. He was alone with no one to hold him. He was also my twin so our connection is like something I have never had before or since. I struggle with it everyday, but we still have a connection it's just long distance now. Thanks guys and take care.
I'm so sorry to hear you also lost your beloved brother, jwlr928. My brother was 29 when he died and I often described our bond as one that might be shared between twins. But to actually be twins I'm sure carries a deep and abiding connection. I feel like the larger part of me died with him. With a twin, I imagine that would feel even more like a part of you died. As you said though, we still have a relationship with them since love never dies. Blessings to you.
Yeah geminidancer, the loss of that friendship has been very hard. Half of my soul died with him and I know I will never be the same. Music was a special bond between us so I use that to help me get through.
Find time to get some sleep during the day. It may help.
Find a clear space of 10 feet. Start at one end of the space and slowly walk to the end and stop. Turn around and slowly walk back. Attempt to breathe slowly and deeply. Just concentrate on the walking and if you notice you are day dreaming get back to the walking.
Notice your breathing. Notice the feel of your feet as they touch the ground. Notice what your arms are doing.
This is a standard walking meditation exercise. You may find it helpful. But it will take you a little time to to learn its subtleties.
Thanks multiplechris..I am sorry to hear about your son. That must have been and still is very hard. I am trying to move on in my life after I lost everything I had worked so hard to get. I just need to keep telling myself that it will get better if I allow it to. ..and to start with my appreciation for the good in my life. Thank you and the best to you.
THANK YOU THIS HELPS TURN ON THE LIGHT IN THE DARK
YOUR TIPS REMIND ME OF WELLBEING TOOL KIT BY ELLEN COPELAND
I have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings. I am still here and am trying to learn that these things in my mind are just that. In my mind. but they feel so fucking real. So I get it.
Thank you. I have found a therapist who is wonderful and we are trying to get through this together.
I found low dose neuroleptics helped me with racing thoughts. Can you get on some medication to help stabilise you?
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