When will it heal?

[Newleafturning]

I'm not expecting a miracle cure that takes away all the past trauma but when will it heal enough that I can look my husband in the eye and not feel ashamed if he understands the pain behind my eyes. When will it heal enough that a stranger can't just look at me and know I have experienced severe trauma? When will it heal enough that I don't cry at least once a day? For 45 years the pain in my head, heart, and nightmares has affected every single day. I can handle any physical pain but why has all the mental and emotional pain been put on my shoulders for longer than I can even remember? I have never just let all of it out but I'm thinking of doing the "trigger warning" thing and just typing every traumatic memory out on a post to just finally tell my entire story even if no one reads it, it will be off my shoulders a little. It would probably take a few to get thru it but maybe others on here can give me some ideas on how to heal from some of it so those bad thoughts can ease up on my head and I can feel something with my heart beyond pain. When will it heal enough to have just a glimpse of happiness or a future memory of a moment of joy. I'll try to be vulnerable, I will be completely honest, and I only ask for understanding and advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Allowing me to be heard.

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome to this community!

[Newleafturning in reply to Hidden]

Hello I'm trying to figure this out.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hello Voicetaken,

It is good to hear your thoughts and, I'm glad that you are considering sharing your story with others - because pain can be appeased when we share it. It does not necessarily mean that you need to be 'vulnerable' so to speak; but it can mean that - as you say - you are able to get things off your shoulders for a little while. And that is exactly how healing occurs, in my own personal experience: having struggled also for many, many incomprehensible years - this forum really did help me to find my voice and a way through again xxx

I will leave it there for now, but want to thank you for joining this forum and being prepared to share your feelings. That does take A LOT .... and I recognise how important too it will be for you.

Yes, we do have "trigger warnings" on this forum - but as per guidelines, they help to protect others who may be in a potentially fragile, or vulnerable state when reading posts... to enable them to be best placed, themselves, to either read or not.

You'll notice that the first few sentences of every post appear under a post title..... which is also why trigger warnings are important. Many words can create auto-triggers and I have some myself that I lose my composure over and start to get extremely stressed by! So it is for the benefit of everyone that this forum remains a supportive, yet safe space to enter into. And as long as you feel safe (along with others on the forum), that is one of the main objectives for this Heal My PTSD forum.

I hope that you find respite, peace of mind and an honest opportunity to heal and find answers by sharing your story here on this forum.

Sending blessings,

Saving Grace

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to SavingGrace]

P.S. I do believe that healing can occur and it does take 'time' ... the ole' cliche But time means 'time to find peace' vs the unhappy, unusual 'ongoing painful time'.... I've been through a lot too, but am certainly not trying to compare our situations. I just know that yes, Time Does Heal ...

I think it is because love does grow and, as knowledge, understanding and compassion for ourselves and others grows then sometimes miracles do begin to happen.....

I am a romantic idealist at heart, yes.... but have also experienced the wisdom and wonder of nature, humanity, love...... after almost 25 years, it was like a drop of water... that soon became a running stream

I think we all find that it takes small steps..... gentle, small steps.... moving onwards slowly, cautiously: allowing ourselves to remain protected, yet still open (nae possibly 'vulnerable' as a human being).

It takes time to start to believe in that process - but I have found it to come and can safely say, I will advocate for it 'time after time' from here thence

[Survivor1687]

((hugs)) I hope you find healing. 🌹

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

I don't need details to understand every thing you are feeling. I've felt them all.

I was on top of the world... or so I thought...everything was in its place. Then I had an emotional break. It was then I learned my PTSD had been active for years but I had been stuffing my emotions.

I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I was overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment. I felt if I went out people could " read me" , that they thought I was a failure.

Through lots of therapy I learned that the thoughts were in my head. I was creating that story, I thought I needed to run and hide because I was no good.

Journaling is a great way to let things out. Writing letters that you will never send to your abusers is another way to express the pain you feel.

Do you meditate? There are so many guided meditations on guilt, fear, shame etc. I listen to these over and over. I find it very helpful to hear explanations.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. We have experienced something not many will understand.

This is a very safe community. We have all been their and we can offer our stories and what we are doing to continue to heal.

Welcome. I wish you peace

🐬

[Daveacr1959]

I have p t s d and health anxiety for 2-1/4 years. From a rare cancer and chemo and surgery. And fear of reoccurrence. I had a scan 2 days ago and I’m in remission 2-1/4 years. But I can’t find my way back to my old self. People see it in my eyes. My wife of 43 years. And 45 years together can’t understand. And she has seen me with the ambition and tenacity of 3 normal men. She has seen me overcome adversity that would make most people homeless addicts. Please read my profile I’m here for you and I need you too.

Here are some things that help me. I take my beta blocker and klonopin. I get 5-8 hours of sleep and no caffeine. I do the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. I do 30-40 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins and calm.

And here is the game changer. I go in real cold water 6-8 minutes daily. Sometimes twice daily. 40 degrees for me now but I had to work up to it. I know it sounds harsh. But you start at 70 degrees and lower 3 degrees per week. Exhale slowly exhale slowly. And you can tell us about the trauma in 1 post if you just tell about the specific thing and move to the next.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi,

Welcome to the community.

I am so sorry that you have been through so much and it is indeed tougher to heal from multiple traumas. It is possible to heal enough to feel satisfaction, joy and achieve things you wouldn't think are possible.

It is not simple because other events can trigger things back again, unfortunately, so it is good to have understanding of trauma and have a good therapist that specializes in it.

Talking for some people helps, for others it makes them worse but irrespectively, it is important to feel supported, heard and as close to understood as possible.

It is not possible to know how long it takes to heal, it is individual but with the right therapist it is much shorter. Each person's history is different and we are unique in how we respond.

I hope that having the support of this community helps in knowing you are not alone...