Trauma/pandemic

[Gr8ful]

Hi. I suffered a significant trauma just as the first wave of the pandemic hit and everything went on lockdown. I found myself completely alone and I quickly sunk into a deep, dark depression. I have since had a few ‘breaks’ where I see a ray of hope but I have not been able to return to work, I’m a flight attendant, I have had to move in with my mother because I wasn’t able to keep my place. I’m haunted. The flashbacks I’m constantly fighting, even if I get sleep I will wake up in a cold sweat panic from dreams—reliving everything. I just feel like I’m losing—the anxiety, fear, loss of self—so many irrational fears—the simplest things can trigger that gut wrenching feeling of reliving my trauma. I feel so lost inside of it. Can anyone relate? What coping skills have pulled you through? I just feel so alone.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Gr8ful,

Welcome to the community.

I am very sorry to read what you have been through and how much your life has changed.

Loss of identity and how we used to be due to trauma can be the worst most complicated part of it.

When I'm trying to desperately figure things out, it makes me more anxious so I try to not push myself too much, keep the hope and my dreams but focus on only the next step in front of me.

Sometimes having so many things to try to solve is overwhelming so one small step and doing something where you could possibly gain some of confidence back, could help.

I'm terribly sorry about reliving the experiences through nightmares and other ways, it's immensely tough when it happens 24/7.

I hope you can get some therapy to address those nightmares, how to deal with them.

I had terrible nightmares then they disappeared for a while and new ones started after another trauma.

It's tricky and everyone has a different strategy.

I am really sorry you are in this situation. I would like to share hope and support...

[BrainIsFull]

Hi Gr8ful! You're not alone💚. I understand very well that feeling of being utterly alone. It is terrifying! This road of mental health recovery is ling and rocky. I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. 💚

[Gr8ful in reply to BrainIsFull]

Thank you for seeing me. ❤️

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Gr8ful

I can relate to these nightmares. They are horrible. I was given a medication that helped this. I'm not sure if you have a Dr that you could ask about this? I know some people shy away from meds. I just wanted you to know my experience.

" Loss of self" ..... this is so difficult. But, remember you are still in there. You will find yourself again once you begin to heal.

Reading about your circumstance and pain I noticed something that really stuck with me. You have seen some " " breaks" where you see hope. Your light will shine through in time. Pleae don't give up.

I never returned to my same job. Eventually I found something with less stress. This allowed me to work on myself. There may be new things coming for you. Sometimes there is a blessing in disguise under all this trauma.

Keep trying to move forward. What helped me was a small list. I would write one or two goals for the day. If I got one done I had pride in my accomplishment.

We are here for you. Keep talking it is key to our healing.

🐬

[Gr8ful in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much for your message and encouragement. I’m so grateful I found this community. How wonderful are these gentle, kind and loving messages of hope.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Welcome to the community. I don’t have a lot of advice, I wonder if some of the loss you re feeling is also related to your work as well as the trauma. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be in a flight attendees role in these challenging health times. Fear seems to be a great driver of nightmares. Seems when were asleep our brain is not and let’s the nightmares in. Prazon is a medication sometimes used for nightmares. Some people find that useful while others find processing the memory through something like emdr useful. I found emdr useful for myself but no one size fits all in trauma recovery. It’s about exploring the different modalities and seeing what seems to sit right for you in your situation. For now try to rest in the place that being with your mum allows. I find distraction another good tool I have in my tool box for the difficult times.Sending you support.