I Don't Feel Safe

[Lefty_Epee]

It's my first "full day" (it's only 5 by me) of school, and we had a seminar on rape, sexual assault, and consent. This didn't trigger me or make me feel unsafe; I think it's a topic people desperately need to be educated about. (The presentation of this information was a skit) What deeply disturbs me is that people were laughing. After the skit there was the opportunity to ask the actors (still portraying their characters), how they felt about the situation, what they wish they did different, and lots of questions towards the assailant on if they understand the legality of intercourse with an intoxicated individual. But people started asking things like, "how many bodies do you have?", "were you trying to smash?". Some were victim blaming and saying that it was the victim's fault because she was intoxicated. They were arguing with the victim saying that "they could've fought back", that "they weren't trying hard enough". I felt like crying. I felt like screaming. I want a tv screen connected to my skull so they can watch firsthand what rape feels like. How violent it can and often is. I can forgive someone not understanding how horrible assault and rape is; but laughing at it? Making jokes about it? I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should go to someone in power on campus and say something. I don't feel safe here. If they can't take it serious in this sugarcoated form, how the hell are victims and survivors supposed to get the help they want or need? I need people's opinions on this stat.

[Agara33]

I'm sorry and surprised to hear about this. i would have thought things have change since 10 and 20 years ago. I would say something about it, that this creative way they thought of to educate is not working and making things worse. I worry though that the people in power on campus don't really care about safety and if their way of educating on this topic works, just that they have themselves covered. I'm sorry you went through this. I was also raped, and in an abusive relationship where there was also some violence. I don't share it and I remember friends talking about the subject around me kind of smugly, insinuating that a woman must be some kind of idiot to let herself be in that situation, and that she's the only one to blame if she doesn't leave, not knowing that not everyone is as privileged as them to have solid backgrounds and not be in the situation in the first place, and not knowing that abusers have very cunning and effective ways to keep someone hostage-that the woman or person doesn't leave because she can't not because she's defective, otherwise she would. America is a really strange place-i assume that's where you are. Simultaneously so many conversations on difficult topics and also a lot of people seaming to have such outdated views still. It's different in other places for better and worse...It's hard but I notice that what makes the most difference is when women tell their stories...it made a difference to me. i would say something to those in power on campus, I'm sorry it has to fall on you to assert yourself on this matter.

[Lefty_Epee in reply to Agara33]

I'm so sorry that you went through that. I too was raped and its so disheartening that progress has come so little. For something that is so grotesquely horrific, it hurts that this is what people treat it as.

[PNIAuthor60 Major Contributor]

Very disappointing to hear this as the responses were very immature but perhaps it was because of the way the information was presented. Had it been a more serious presentation perhaps the seriousness would have hit home.

Were you personalizing the responses due to your own experience? This is perhaps why you felt like crying and then screaming. I feel this way about my own topics when similarly experiencing triggers.

On the topic of forgiveness - unforgiveness is not a prison that incarcerates others, it imprisons us sometimes for years. Interestingly enough I am currently doing a Bible Study on this topic called Forgiving What You Can't Forget by Lysa Terkeurst who shares of her own experience discovering that her husband cheated on her...different heartache ...but I am learning lots that I never knew and its made me think twice about my own unforgiveness.

You were triggered, no need to berate yourself. It is very understandable.

[Midori]

Often people laugh when they are put in an uncomfortable situation like this. It's a 'thank God it's not me' reaction rather that them finding it actually funny.

I agree, it's something which needs addressing, and, presented in a different way would probably end in arguments or possibly violence.

Presented this way is probably a positive thing (although it isn't immediately visible), but after the uncomfortable laughter, there will certainly be people thinking hard about it. I have also experienced rape, many years ago, during my marriage. I am mainly past it now, but there are occasional triggers for me.

Cheers, Midori