Perceived pressure to heal

[Burntout56]

I’m new here.

I’ve spent a lot of time this week grappling with a perceived pressure to heal “now” or at least be further along the path to recovery than I actually am. As I result I have been spending more time than was healthy, scouring the internet for “a cure”.

Are there other people in this forum

that have suffered complete burnout?

Having spoken to a counsellor today, I realise that the desire to heal is partly my own pressure, as I hate feeling out of control.

Solution : I need to accept that there is no finishing line (I learned that on this forum). I need to be kind to myself.

The other part stems from the weekly contact I have received from work. I have previously told them I need space to heal but they keep getting in touch and I feel resentment.

Solution : I will write to them again and emphasise how overwhelmed I feel and that their “how are you doing?” contact translates to me as “how soon will you be back?”

I need to detach, slow down and focus on a couple of coping strategies at a time rather than build up an arsenal of questionnaires, techniques and self development.

B-R-E-A-T-H-E❤️

[Shy_Guy]

Welcome to the forum. There are a lot of people from around the world that frequent this forum. It is nice to know that I am not alone with my struggles

[aujoymyjoy]

Oh boy, Burnedout, I feel the pressure just reading what you wrote. it is very hard to mentally pull away from something that has been a HUGE part of your life for so long.I think of your work like a movie that you have been mentally watching nonstop for how long? It still plays in your head over and over and over..... friends contacting you is like never being away from the movie. I get it.

Ill talk more as you talk more..........

Add up how many days you have been at that job.

So how long have you been watching........ (you come up with a name for the movie)??

[Burntout56 in reply to aujoymyjoy]

Thanks for replying.

Your movie analogy works for me.

I have been in “run vt” mode since September 2020.

As the fog shifts, I spot another “clip”... an incident I had forgotten, a comment, a cry for help that even I didn’t hear.

[Burntout56 in reply to aujoymyjoy]

As for how long was I in the movie... 11 years in the same role, but I realise now that in the last 4 years I have been manipulated, over-worked and ignored.

Painful realisation.

[Burntout56 in reply to aujoymyjoy]

A name for the movie?

Fog?

Misery?

Scream?

[aujoymyjoy in reply to aujoymyjoy]

Oh boy, BT56, I don't have access to this computer easily, (It is in another room where someone works from 8:30-5 pm) and they have finished for the day. I don't have time to answer right now, but I will be back to continue this Paramount Movie, 11 Year Fog. Stumbling in Hidden Misery. The Scream Trees Don't Hear

[designguy]

Hello Burn, welcome and good awareness on your part and for taking the time to heal yourself. I think so many of us with ptsd have a overt need to control as a coping mechanism with ptsd. For me, I also realized that I was also driven by a belief that something was wrong with me and trying to "fix it". Learning that life is an inside and not an outside job/experience and what that really means helped me start shifting things.