Meltdown at Work

[mcginnmx]

Okay before we start talking about anything. I have survivals guilt ptsd. 2018 I lost about 5 people in one year. I have also been abused physically, mentally, and sexually when I was younger. My triggers are death, ambulance alarms, funerals, bullying, and criticism. Well you know it was just another day at work. What people don’t know is I have been having a hard time lately. An only a select few do. One of my managers told me I could not work on pricing anymore I now accept that because I did move here and though I am from the same country every state has different lingo. Take for example I have no idea what the hell rompers are 🤷‍♀️. Then I was criticized about my barbing skill. Which again is understandable because I am literally afraid to bring clothes back cause I am always afraid they will blame me. Now this is just tip of the iceberg. An yesterday that iceberg fell over. Here is what is really going on my brother who has high blood pressure, kidney diease, and dumb as a rock. May go into renal failure. My brother is not even dead yet but we have been expecting him to die to the point my mom had to talk to him about a living will. My mom who is loosing her memory, has low confidence, getting Medicare for insurance purposes, and just found out she is. Not getting enough oxygen to her brain. My step father travels in COVID areas and has diabetes. An I have anemia and have to watch everything I do. Then there is the election which is now in my favor but wasn’t on the day of the melt down. Then I have fear of riots though I moved in the country. “ These people ain’t to bright” and I was almost in a riot if my bus didn’t come on time l.My body is tired emotionally and physically that I broke down. How do you deal when with emotional and physical stress? I tried talking to myself, kicking a brick wall, and talking to my friends the only thing that is really bortuu

[1Grace Volunteer]

I'm so sorry for the abuse you went through, mcginnmx. There are many people on this forum who know how badly you feel. Going through that kind of experience makes it very difficult to tolerate stress, and these times are certainly putting everyone under stress.

In addition, if parents didn't give us the kind of caring and support and safety we needed as children, we can carry that fear of criticism into adulthood and can be easily triggered when someone corrects us or we feel we're not perfect.

One of the major things I have learned to do is to have self-compassion. That does not mean self-pity. It also doesn't mean trapping yourself into thinking you are a victim. It means having the same compassion you would have for someone you love, for yourself. It also means being kind to yourself. One of the ways I show self-compassion is reminding myself that I did the best I could when I was a child.

Have you seen a trauma therapist? A good one, who makes you feel safe and is gentle, skillful, and compassionate, can be very helpful in moving you to health.

Other things I have found helpful to do on my own are walking (practicing safe distancing and wearing a mask), keeping in touch with friends, and eating healthily. These acts of kindness towards myself help to repair the effects of trauma and remind me that I'm worth good things.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi mcginnmx,

You are going through a lot and it's understandable that you are very concerned about your family as well as your own safety.

I was born in an unsafe country and I have been through fear of this kind.

I hear you about loss...it's a big one for me and I have survivors guilt too.

I can relate to your post as I had a tough time recently.

The only thing I can think of right now is having compassion for yourself for going through so much that your body couldn't take it anymore and it means that you have been strong for too long.

Allowing all the emotions in is much harder than to tough it out because it means being really vulnerable and not being the usual strong self for a while.

In therapy there is a lot of vulnerability and opening up those emotions and letting them out but it is hard to put it away when needing to be strong to be able to function.

Maybe having a good cry can help.

Sending you empathy and support...