Some of you know that I have c-ptsd from being a healthcare worker and also surviving many invasive medical procedures since a child.
My Pops been dealing with Stage 4 COPD and now has a tumor and some lymph nodes that lit up on PET scan in his lung.
I thought I could either crawl into my professional no-heart bubble or use all my coping skills.
Out of nowhere without any announcement, which I thought was very rude, every emotion I keep at bay and every memory I don’t remember on purpose hit me in the stomach so hard it literally sat me down. Then I vomited. I wasn’t dizzy or sick again. I wasn’t crying.
That was yesterday. It was so physical I still feel it today. Somebody punched me hard. I feel bruised. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this but I will and I won’t be stronger.
Thank you for reading and being here.
Written by
NeuronerdDoaty
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I’m here for you anytime, D. PM or call me. We can handle anything a moment at a time, but standing still and hurting is not my best trick. Still sending spiritual energy your way. Lynne
Your professional experience most likely wouldn't be able to shield you from emotional shock because it's someone you love...
Even with the best coping skills and being strong most of the time, there are situations that just are beyond the level of strength we usually have.
I am so very very sorry.........
I actually know what you mean about a physical reaction as this happened to me over a week ago just like you described. It's somatic reaction when the body gets overwhelmed and can't cope.
It sounds like you have been hugely triggered and all the emotions came out. I think life expects of us to keep our emotions hidden so that we can function and usually for the good of our loved ones.
In this case your Father is suffering and you just try to not make the situation harder on him by crying etc. But all those emotions bottle up until you can't hold them in anymore...
I have had to be strong for the sake of others so many times (years, decades).
It's the body's way of releasing those emotions.
There is a body-mind connection where trauma gets stored on a cellular level in the body.
It's okay you release those emotions and then rest so that the body can restore itself.
You need support right now and it's good that you reached out...
Self care is very important when caring for someone else. It's not just them who are suffering, it's the loved ones too, who are going through trauma...
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Racing suicidal thoughts and thoughts that scream at me. 
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Seeking Your Insights About EMDR
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