today an old friend reached out to me. my ptsd worked so hard to convince me she wasn't a safe person to have in my life. and i believed it. today i decided to ignore that annoying voice (that i know is just trying to protect me) and i decided to reply to my friend. im having all types of emotions now. a lot of anxiety because im anticipating some huge rejection or judgement. but i also feel proud of myself for taking an emotional risk.
and last week i actually asked someone for help! small steps but they are in the right direction!
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venusianlove
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You are protected - any decision/s you make can and will be able to be safe and within your own gut instinct and wisdom. It's ok to reach back out........ it's a good bridge to make. It doesn't mean you have to give you whole entire self over. You have place a brick into building one of those lovely masonary brick arches.....
do you know the ones I mean? to me they are mathematical genius - finding balance and union under the pressures of gravity. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arch_...
They speak of mutual cooperation - from two sides - working towards finding a union - working together with the challenges, yet working out in good faith and in completion.
Friendship may well be like that - I don't know - I have trouble trusting people to build new friendships right now.
But perhaps it is important to realise that the building blocks we put in place can speak volumes, more about ourselves, than the person on the other side... who can not yet build from their side to reach us in the middle, to find that perfect universal balance and union. <3
Asking for help is a good step. I know it's difficult when having trust issues because of past situations.
It helps to have another person's perspective sometimes when we are too emotional and can't see solutions, or just to have someone to talk to. Even sharing things often helps me, before I get feedback.
I understand you are afraid of judgement and rejection and that you are careful but you need support through this very difficult time.
I was deeply sad reading your latest news. I was so much hoping you were going to make it but it's very stressful with so many changes and pressures. It's hard for anyone let alone with ptsd.
We are here to support you you as well. Not the same as in person but it's something.
P.S. it's not a sign of weekness, it's a sign of strength...
P.S.2 when my trauma happened I stopped trusting my intuition so I understand.
Take gentle care of yourself x
(I often forget when stressed and need reminders of self care)
Good for you! Here’s an idea: keep a journal of the times you have told PTSD, “Shhhhhhhh. I’m not going to do what you suggest.” The more you do this, you could end up with a novel of unexpected surprises. I am soooo proud of you, V.
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