When I posted few days ago I was so upset with troll responses on another site,been feeling suicidal over it, and wanted to leave HU.
The only response I had was from admin.
Which makes me feel even more unworthy than I already did
All the HU sites are clicquey like in real world
You've got your core messaging on site 'friends'
And no one else matters much
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
HI JennyJolly,
I hope you stick around on this forum, as it is a good troll free zone!
I admit that it is mentally and emotionally exhausting trying to connect to every single post when I am not feeling great... but I always try to respond when I know I can at least help..
Sometimes it is not easy to connect and there's nothing worse than reaching out and no one answering. So I'm sorry you felt like this.
I don't feel that this forum is clique - there are a bunch of dedicated contributors who are here almost daily and willing to move mountains for others if they can...
My lunch on the oven is burning, so I'd better go for now :O)
Blessings x
I did answer in a pm...
I did say only admin replied
Thanks for that
No one else did
I feel worse than when I first went on site
Not just Hep C site
This one too .
Only Natalie replied to me
No one else
Thanks for your rely
Much appreciated
Feel I don't fit in here or the 'real world' either
Hi Jenny,
I am the one who contacted you and asked if I could be of assistance.
I would like members to feel welcome and supported in this community. We really care.
I am once again really sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience on another HU site. I have no influence whatsoever over how other communities are run, I have only influence on this community. Should you ever experience any problem on Heal My PTSD I would encourage you to message me privately.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like no one cares. I bet that's not true.
If you experienced trolling behavior on another site or via private message, there is a report button you can click to report other person's abusive behavior. In case there is no Admin, HU will get your notification. You can also send an email to support at Health Unlocked.
I can assure you that any abusive or trolling behavior is not allowed in this community and is met with immediate actions. It is your choice as to whether or not to stay on Health Unlocked. You can also choose the communities you follow and therefore have the option to unfollow the unsupportive community and ignore any private messages. But without reporting them to HU it is impossible for anyone to know and to take any actions.
I can only assure you this would not be tolerated in this community. I would like to hope that this reassures you and that you feel safe enough to stay.
I do care! But there is not much I can do other than encourage you to contact Health Unlocked.
I understand that it's hard to be around people when you have PTSD and if you're like me, you are constantly second guessing whether people like you or not. Even on forums where it is more impersonal and "safer", we are all a bit like burn victims with our unique triggers that will go off at any point if some one says something that pushes our buttons.
Most of the time this is unintended. I think this is a really wonderful forum and people are really supportive and kind and knowledgeable. It's really helped me. Of course you get the odd post that is triggering, or some subjects that aren't for you. Sometimes people don't want to reach out when you have just spilled your guts about how you are really feeling, because it's hard to deal with. But if you can find a happy medium where you are telling your story but also helping others I think you will find your little "place" in the world.
I really hope you can find some joy and comfort here and I'm sending you a hug. 
Thanks so much for your caring reply
Really means a lot
I'll have some time off site and see how I feel at later date
Very Best Wishes.
Of course, take your time and be patient with yourself. Lots of love!!!
Hi
I'm so sorry taht you feel like that.
I just felt people were busy or that they weren't strong enough to feel they could answer some posts.
I'm afraid I might have missed yours.
I have not had a bad experience with trolls, thank goodness. I hope that that has cleared up now.
I have been having problems loading info off of the sites recently and am not getting my updates, so thought the sites had problems.
Please don't get down, remember it's the holiday season too and many people might be away on their hols.
Keep fighting.
Take care and best wishes.
Thanks for replying Fibropop,
Much appreciated
Having hep c affects mind too
The person who was abusive and really upset me is very unwell
I'll have some time off site and see how I feel later on
All good wishes.
l
Hope you feel better soon. 👍😊
This forum has been friendliest and most supportive to me
I've only ever had the most helpful, knowledgeable replies on this site. Never have seen any intent of anything but true heartfelt concern for one another.
I wouldn't bother with this site if I didn't always leave with having learned something that helped me or being able to share my experiences or knowledge to try to make someone's dilemma or emotions of hurt, feel a tad better.
I feel the administrators are vetted very well, bc they amaze me with there wisdom.
Happy to have this site....much gratitude.
Warm thoughts,
Sugar-pants
Pleased to hear you have received such a lot of help/support on this site
Like anything works great for some.
I've had supportive message too that i'm very grateful for
Think i'm too hostile and screwed up to relate to anyone.
Even on site
All good wishes.
I hope you feel heard and cared for. I wish you the best in your recovery. Please stay on this site. The people here are human and care for each other. I am worried about you and hope you are finding help near you.
I feel like I'm invisible! I don't have many friends and only two that I can talk to about my PTSD. I have been feeling hurt and like I'm screaming and no one hears me. . I don't come on this site much unless I'm having a good day and can help someone else. Sorry I've been out and dealing with my own issues which have bubbled up the last few weeks.
I hope to see you on here again.
Please take care of your self!
Thanks Deann,
Your message means a lot to me,
I'll stay off site for a while,
I do hope you too get all the help/support you need
All good wishes...Jenny
I feel like it's a nature of ptsd to the feel like "I am alone, nobody cares, I need to deal with everything on my own".
What I learned on here, is to ask for help and support from others. It is so difficult to ask for emotional needs to be met. It is so hard for me to ask for support. But I see how this works really well on here and it comes naturally that members support each other.
I really appreciate a lot everyone's support and contribution.
Jennyjolly everyone on here is fantastic I should know I have come on leaps and bounds since joining this brilliant group! I didn't go looking for them, I was on another site and this one popped up on my newsfeed and here I am!! You can talk freely on here and someone will answer you if they can. Please give us a chance to help you in anyway we can xx
Many thanks for your kind reply Collie dogs
Until last year I had six dogs at same time, 4 wonderful collies and Bichon/Puli
I'll now stay off site for a while, see how I feel
PTSD/anxiety affects in such different ways
I'm always angry,defensive, though never violent
More verbally
Always at ready to have a go and defend myself
Also had hep c 33 years
which hasn't helped.
Thanks again ,your reply has meant a lot
Hun I was the same but only for three years until I was diagnosed the anger frustration the anxiety and the tears but I wasn't violent I would just hide within my self and hope I was invisible! If you want to talk you can message me xx hugs
Jennyjolly, speaking for myself, sometimes I'm going through a difficult time, and my inner critic jumps on me, telling me that whatever I would say wouldn't help someone - and that stops me dead in my tracks from replying to people. It's been stopping me for several weeks, now, because I'm distracted with a very difficult family problem, and I really hate that my inner critic does this! It also keeps me feeling isolated, a horrible feeling!
I would just like to encourage you to stick with this forum because there are many wonderful, caring, and empathetic people here who know so intimately what ptsd is like. So whenever you feel like posting, we'll be there for you.
Hi jennyjolly
I'm so sorry you feel like this. PTSD can make you feel alone and worthless.
Take the time you need and try to be kind to yourself ( I know that is easier said than done)
This community isn't a cliquey one, I think you will find people very supportive, kind and caring.
Thinking of you x
Thanks Ellen for taking time to reply to me
It really is appreciated
All good wishes x
Thank you Grace for your kind message to me,
Do hope your family situation resolves very soon
Best wishes
Thank you, too, Jennyjolly, for your kind wishes.
jennyjolly I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Many years ago when I was going through a divorce, I discovered CBT. Didn't do with a therapist, although I did see one, but I've always been eclectic in my approach to life and have not relied on just one source of help. I read a few books and bought a few tapes, and it really helped me, then as well as a few years later when I was diagnosed with ptsd.
When I have those hopeless/helpless thoughts like no one cares, everyone's the same, I'm all alone, I don't deserve better etc., it helps me to realize that those don't reflect reality, but how I'm feeling because of my depression. The feelings are real, but the beliefs are distortions.
A book that helps explain "cognitive distortions" that grow out of depression and anxiety is Feeling Good: The new mood therapy, by David Burns.
A brief summary of cognitive distortions and CBT can be found here: healthypsych.com/psychology...
There are lots of other resources online. Google CBT, cognitive distortions, mood therapy, etc.
Best of luck to you, hope you are soon feeling a lot better.
Be gentle with yourself!
Had to return to site to reply to your caring and informed message to me and those of others too
i'll look into CBT and the c/p you so thoughtfully sent me
Many thanks Syltownsend,
Lot of valuable info there
Do you recall the different stances people have to relate to each other
I'm ok..You're ok
I'm not ok,You're ok
I'm not ok,you're not ok
Sadly my long term attitude has been the last one
Would like to move to.. I can be ok and so can you
I need to deal with my anger/rage and the sadness behind it
Which is not easy as I've had much trauma/abuse
Thanks again.
.
Hi jennyjolly please be careful with CBT if you don't do it with a trained therapist you could end up with more problems . Nathalie or Dan will tell you this. Read about PTSD yes but please be careful about trying the actual therapy itself. It was really good that Syltownsend managed to do it herself! But it wouldn't work for everyone. It should be done with someone with you that can bring you down from the high arousal state that you get into when doing it. Just be safe sweetheart xxx
Thanks for the good advice
Thirty years ago I had bioenergetic trauma therapy and ended up under section
Another male therapist tried to assault me and my young daughter was present
Had to make a run for it
Not tried any therapy since
Thanks again xxx to you too.
jennyjolly I am so sorry you had to go through those awful experiences. I have no idea what bioenergetic trauma therapy is but it sounds like the results for you were very negative.
Sadly there are therapists who try to--and do--violate the trust and power relationship that the position gives them. I am very sorry that happened to you and even more that your daughter was present. That is a horrible thing to happen especially so someone who is already traumatized with all the trust issues that that entails. I'm glad you were able to make a run for it and get out of that situation.
I had a close friend who had been sexually abused by a family member at age 12. She always blamed herself and sadly, she was sexually exploited by a therapist in her early adulthood. Again she blamed herself and defended the therapist and was still doing that many years later when we were friends. Even after learning that this therapist had passed away, she would not tell me his name and insisted that she encouraged him and could have said no. Went to her grave defending him and hating herself deep into alcoholism. So I tend to feel very angry when I hear about therapists doing that sort of thing.
Just try to realize that therapists who do things like that are a small minority of bad apples. Also there have been huge changes in trauma therapy in 30 years and in attitudes toward client/therapist boundaries, which need to be even stricter when the client is suffering the effects of trauma.
I wonder if you have considered trying a female therapist. There are many good ones out there. I was sexually abused by men and would never have even considered going to a male therapist once I started remembering that. I have had a string of female therapists and most of them have been wonderful. I did have two that I could not relate to in a way that felt safe. I gave them just a few sessions and then fired them. Because when you go to a therapist, in a sense they are working for you, and if it doesn't feel right or safe you always have the option of leaving and finding someone else.
I had no therapist for the 1st three years of my recovery, just 12-step fellowships and my friends and sister. I didn't have health insurance and didn't see how I could afford a therapist, though I knew eventually that was what I really needed. I really can't imagine going through the "emergency stage" of incest recovery and ptsd without a therapist.
Also a therapist who assaults a client is breaking not only professional ethics but also the law, and can be reported on both grounds. Could lose their license and maybe be arrested. And doing so in front of a young child could be considered child endangering.
I just hope you find the help you need, whatever form it takes.
Omitted to say thanks so much for taking the time to write me such a long,caring message.
Much appreciated
I do wish i'd had the therapy I needed years ago.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend
It wasn't the only incident
It happened in the hospital I was sent to after
breakdown, fought him off too
I think abuse is prevalent in hospitals where patients are sedated and more defenceless.
He didn't bank on my uncle being an ex boxer that taught me self defence
My daughter doesn't recall a thing but maybe in there somewhere
She's very different than me,
She was a N.H.S. doctor for many years
Now living on a remote Thai island with her husband and my grandson.
jennyjolly So sorry that happened to you, life is definitely not fair. Yes, abusers are to be found everywhere there are vulnerable people, be they children or adults, sad to say. They are like predators who sniff out their prey.
I had another friend who has also passed on now, she was profoundly disabled physically with cerebral palsy, also legally blind, could not speak clearly and so was classified as "non-verbal." When she was very young and diagnosed, her parents were advised to put her in an institution. It's just what was done in those days. Sadly she was sexually abused there. Later her family got her out and were always kind to her. She was brilliant and went to college, got her M.S. in Linguistics!
Just getting back to this; I certainly didn't mean to imply that jennyjolly or anyone else "should" use CBT on their own. I was just sharing my experience which was doing that when I needed help with going through a divorce, not when I was dealing with ptsd, as I noted it was before I had that diagnosis and the ptsd was latent. Everyone is different and everyone's situation and experience as different and I would never recommend that someone do something just because I did it and it helped me.
The thing about CBT that helped me at the time is that it is a rather intellectual approach to countering negative thoughts. That's where I was at the time, not remembering the original trauma and pretty numb when it came to feelings or even knowing what I was feeling much of the time. CBT also gave me some concrete steps and a systematic way to deal with my lack of self-esteem. I was not getting that from my therapist although he was very helpful in other ways with getting through the divorce.
Just by way of clarifying. I go by the 12-step slogan, "Take what you like and leave the rest," sharing my experience and hope others will hear it in the same spirit.
We are just sharing experiences here and what worked for us. Just like you said, take what you like and leave the rest.
Syltownsend I didn't mean to offend you if I did I am sorry! Xxx
No offense taken, no apology needed Colliedogs4me! I just thought perhaps my words were taken in a way I did not mean and was clarifying.
My experience was when I was 24
I'm now 61 and although believe it or not vastly improved, still have a lot unresolved
A female therapist would have been the obvious secondary choice.
I'm still wary of any therapy as I don't have a support system here.
Best if you have friends/family/therapist near.
Thanks for your reply.
Thanks for your reply.
okdokey Hun glad we are ok 😊Xxx
As you can see by the number of supportive replies, there are lots of us here with positive support for you.
I had a look at your previous post and wonder if people may have thought it was just giving information rather than seeking comment??
Best wishes
David
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
big (no gigantic) steps!
No trust/hate
Nightmares again. This one is even more terrible 
