Being blocked on Facebook/social media out of the blue (trigger warning)

For those who do know me I have been affected by Trauma/PTSD by a very close female friend pushing me away.

The last time I saw my friend who was raped was beginning of June. Today she blocked me on Facebook which is beyond out of the blue. Any idea why she would block me on Facebook if I haven't seen her or had any contact with her in 2 months? It seems strange and puzzling because of how random it is.

And thanks to CBT/ therapy I don't have the urge to call her or a million people and figure out what the hell is going on

21 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I wouldn't take it personally, as who knows what is going through her mind at the moment. She must get be having major issues with being raped as it's still early days for her. She must be going through her own hell and might be reacting to any slight thing that she's taking the wrong way or to heart. Maybe she wants to cut ties with people, maybe she feels you've not contacted her, so she might be upset. Who know. Just make a big allowance for her at this awful time.

    Your not to blame, so don't worry.

    Take care.

  • Thanks and understand the push pull dynamic. I take 0 offense to this just find it confusing. I don't and never will understand rape, ptsd and trauma so trying to learn how to do the math from you guys.

  • I know that you probably just want to reach out to her and let her know you care, because you sound like a kind friend. But I also know that when horrible things have happened to me in the past, I have pushed those closest to me away without even realizing it. I have hurt people's feelings and damaged true friendships because of my pain, and either abandoning people or lashing out at them in hurtful ways. Kind of like a wounded animal, wanting to drag myself away into a corner and lick my wounds. Anyone close to me is perceived as a threat no matter how kind their intentions.

    I'm sure you will reconnect in the future, if you can be patient with her during this time and let her come to you. I say this because I wish I had had friends who had that kind of patience with me in my darkest moments.

  • I am not ready to be her friend I have a lot of cbt to go through first. Not mad at her but like wtf .

  • How do I let her come to me if I won't see her?

  • You show really good insight, that is so true that we push people away when we are hurting. How wise you are.

  • If she's blocked you on fb that's a pretty clear sign that she wants no contact. Respect that. You may not like it but everyone, ESPECIALLY abuse survivors NEED to be able to choose who they have in their life.

    It may not be fun that she's not choosing you at this point in time but it is what it is. If she wants you in her life at some point in the future you'll find out about it naturally at some point.

  • I understand the no contact part but I literally haven't seen her or talked to her in 2 months. Idk or get why she would do this now. If she did it a few months ago would've made more sense.

  • It's just a decision point.

    I once had an ex who later dated someone also called Chilli. One day I got a text from her clearly about the other, new Chilli and their dating plans.

    I texted her to say "You sent it to the wrong Chilli". She responded "Oh, I make that kinda mistake all the time". At that point I texted back "In that case please delete me from your phone, I don't want any more mistakes".

    The grapevine told me she was upset by that and she vlocked me on fb. I was the bad guy.

    You don't know "why now" and maybe never will, it's her choice, it doesn't need any more justification or allow you any choice.

  • It doesn't necessarily have to mean anything....the timing of it.

    I think it might be best to move on and let her go for both of you. I know it's extremely difficult and feels unfair and irrational but you just have to respect where she's at and what she needs to do for herself.

    You also deserve to protect yourself and your own feelings and well being.

  • I am letting her go but also keeping a parking spot in my heart for her when she is ready. I am 100% supportive and her biggest fan of what she needs to do but .... when I have no idea what it is hard to be supportive. I am not ready to say nor admit that me being metaphorically dead to you is best for both of us.

  • Couldn't agree more, ChilliDawg ! Well said.

  • You did mention that you have not been in contact with her for some time, maybe that is the problem! If you are her friend then she probably needs you. Maybe you could find another way to make contact. You should make allowances for her behaviour as she is no doubt traumatiused. She could probably use a friend at the moment, try to reach out.

  • Hi Sheila, once someone blocks you on fb esp. If they're a woman and you're a man trying to contact again is stepping closer to a restraining order.

    Blocking on fb is establishing a clear boundary, ignoring it risks stronger enforcement.

  • Well you have to follow your heart. There is no way i would want you to get into trouble. Maybe you just have to accept her wish and move on.

  • When she first told me she was raped in February she told other people that we knew that she wanted to get a restraining order on me. Beginning to middle of June someone told me she contacted the police and asked for a restraining order. I have never been contacted by the police once.

    I have talked to three mental health professionals rape social worker, psychiatrist and my therapist and all of them said no way she can get a restraining order on me. I have talked to lawyers for self protection, because my rights have been violated.

    How can she get a restraining order on me and write 90 pages of how I make her life in danger without mentioning she was raped? If she does mention she was raped than everything is dropped. Also is she prepared or understand that I question the credibility of the exaggerated allegations and would like to request a psych evaluation because her trauma/ PTSD is her reference point which is why I am seen as the bad guy.

    I have not seen her nor talked or contacted in a few months

  • I wouldn't read to much into it unless you talk personally to that person. You mentioned there has been no contact for 2 months which would be about the time of the rape. I blocked a sister in law once. I tried to explain why. Her 2 daughters (my nieces) are not nice people. They are rude on facebook. That would sometimes impact me and my contact with the sister in law. During a ptsd reaction, I didn't want triggered anymore so I blocked the mother. I did it in a ptsd reaction. You mentioned she was raped. That is terrible. People (including us) with PTSD react irrationally sometimes. Ask her directly.

    I can't say when I tried to explain to the sister in law that it went well (again I blocked her due to the daughters). Don't read anything into it until you talk directly. Sometimes with PTSD we don't think about how others are impacted. If she ignores you , then you'll know.

  • I do not take it personally at all. I am very intense and understand my personal bouandries that seeing her now and acting scared or putting her hand over her face will frustrate me.

    Now what I want to do and what my heart tells me to do is get ahold of her mom and speak with her in front of my therapist or someone at her church and explain what is going on without mentioning the rape. I say that because her mom has the right to know that he daughter is safe but not safe.

  • None of you guys on here nor anyone with PTSD is irrational. You guys are doing the best you can do each and every day under circumstances you never once dreamed of. I respect your guys journey and I respect how you are doing your best to help me put the pieces together.

  • She may have been triggered by something that reminded her of you and decided to block you because you know about the rape and she feels vulnerable. Respect her wishes and she will find you when she is ready.

    Best wishes to you!

  • I'm looking at her blocking me as a step closer to a fresh start we both desperately need