Battles

[marikapaprika216]

How do you let go of hurtful things people have said? It keeps running through my head like a tape recorder whenever I'm at my worst I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe I am just neing weak or maybe it was just really hurtful, doesn't really matter I need to f&#$%!g let it go I don't need one more bttle to fight on top of everything else.

[Anxiouspony12]

Hi there!i find that real hard to do too especially if it is something that's happened recently.i kinda usually talk to people about it to the point i get bored of it then go do something else.i got that happening now & it is frustrating so get where your coming from.

[willingtoheal Volunteer]

Yes it's very hard to hear those memories running through my mind. Writing in a journal, talking to a therapist, writing out what I would say to respond to that person if I could go back and respond to that person. Going for long walks seems to clear my mind. I think it is a process. I think that for some reason the memory, flashback, moment comes back and it stays for awhile. Sometimes the memory helps me understand why I was scared. I pray. I just tell myself it's over and I'm safe. It's hard. Hang in there.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Somewhere, it sounds like, these cruel words have hooked into your trauma mind and are stuck there. It might be worth considering a one off emdr appointment to shift them to past memory.

[beendown2times]

I find myself doing the same thing you do, running things over and over in my mind. It is so annoying when you can't seem to stop it! You wonder why this person would say this? Don't they have feelings, don't they care how they make you feel? Or is part of them wanting to do this just to get their jollies off? Like watching you squirm. I still sweat what I consider the 'big stuff' but the small stuff I know will be gone soon enough. I don't know when this ability happened but I just taught myself to just let it go. Is this someone you want in your life? Is this someone you will see often or just a passerby that said something ignorant. I guess you have to weigh how important you really want what they said to be. I know it sounds simple when you keep going back to it even though you don't want to, but ask yourself those questions. Just how important are they?

[Equis-Canine Volunteer]

I really understand what you are going through. I was stuck doing this for years and it isn't fun or productive. Here are some of my insights. Maybe they will help you get unstuck from this mind loop.

I realized that certain (unrelated?) activities often triggered the replaying of the tape in my head. For some reason often when I took a shower my mind repeated the tape. Once I noticed this, I was more alert to the possibility and I'd shout "NO" and try to redirect myself.

Therapy, therapy therapy

At some point when I was in a compassionate self mode, I concluded that, in a misguided way, I was trying to help myself by replaying the tape. That led me to not be angry at myself when this happened. On some level I guess I was replaying the painful experience trying to figure out how to "fix" the situation. I'd imagine noticing something new, defending myself better with stinging words, or trying to avoid the encounter.

I began to be more logical about this and then was able to accepted a few things. I can't go back in time and rewrite the encounter, no matter how hard I try. I can only work on my own behavior and feelings. I can't change what others do or say no matter how hard I try.

Currently I trying to have a better understanding of SELF. I use to think that if someone said something bad or hurtful about me, it chipped away at my self and made me less. Then I had to somehow get that part back! Other peoples thoughts and feelings DON't change who I am inside. This is a difficult concept for me but I'm starting to realize it is true. In the moment I can be hurt by mean comments but it doesn't change who I am or take away from my true self.

Now when someone says something hurtful, I'm more able to just let it roll off of me instead of stab me. When I am able to do this, the other person looses the power to hurt me. A win for me! I sometimes even imagine the words or actions just hitting me like rain, rolling down my body then down the street and into the storm drain to the sewer where they belong.

These are big concepts that took me a long time to grasp. I'm finally able to lay down some heavy burdens I've been carrying on my back for years. I'm also now able to deal with little confrontations better too. It's not all rainbows and unicorns for me now but I'm doing better. I hope something I shared can be useful for you. This is hard stuff.

[Terrifiedbravery in reply to Equis-Canine]

Word

[Terrifiedbravery]

You don't need to do anything but take care of you. You aren't the one responsible for the way you feel. You are only charged with loving the part of you that hurts and assure that fearful part of you that he or she deserves to feel sad and afraid and hurt.

This is just one part of you. There are other parts of you that are strong and insightful, bringing you to this site.

"you need to . . . " is a phrase no one but you can say. So listen closely to whose voice it is inside you telling you "you need to ..do the impossible..

[Nathalie99 Partner]

A part of what Terrifiedbravery said above, resonates with me. There is hurt and weak or scared side of us but there is also the brave side of us and the fighter which is determined to make it through. So the brave and strong part can take care of the hurt one, in a way.

It was explained to me by my therapist, but I always felt that this was true.

[Terrifiedbravery]

I write down the POSITIVE things people say or tell people about it like it was the best part of my day. or sometimes use it as a funny easy way to talk to people.. "listen how funny".. "someone stopped me in the market and said i was nice" ..

My brain forgot how to believe or accept compliments so it works for me to remind myself that I am not all bad. . Writing it down helps at least to be able to remember them when I'm trying to re-tell the story twenty minutes later and can't. I want my brain to believe those things and eventually be able to remember the nice things about myself--- so I won't continue to hear all day long " I would never marry you" .. "you're ungrateful" .. what's the matter with you?" in everyone's voices. . It's a challenge to change anything you aren't used to. This is the baby step WAY that works for me .. sometimes.