Thank you for all the input on my previous post .Sorry I did not reply much. I have had a very strenuous and overly busy last few weeks. Feeling overwhelmed again but NOT to the point of immobility ( thank gooness) but am nervous about the future. SO many hurdles to so many things... getting very tired in body and spirit. In all my doing I've made costly mistakes. Been primarily focusing on finding materials to repurpose ( into remodeling the gutted trailer we are living in ) and getting some odd jobs to pay for gas expenses With all the driving I've been doing and going to different parts of town I made a traffic error ( mostly out of fatigue )and just avoided an accident ( again thank goodness) and now have a ticket to pay for -which kinda seems ridiculous since all my running around has been to save and make money !!!! This is depressing ... I miss my kids and my little 6 yo girl said to me last night " mom when you are gone so much it feels like we don't have a mom!!!!!"
My heart is breaking... again and again. I am not bitter but just sad.
I met a young widower the other day and we connected in conversation about loss grief and becoming whole again. At the time the unexpected chance meeting was very refreshing!!!! But then home again with my own thoughts... all the pain of being alone and NOT having that REGULAR support not to mention male companionship is even more intense. SO not sure I should embrace the possibility of talking to him again. I'm am so needy yet I feel I have a lot to give to others ... and it feels good to give even out of little. I don't want to overwhelm anyone else though with my needs. SO I struggle emotionally ... but not as much as I have in the past. Just talking about my concerns puts so much into perspective. Thanks for a place to sort things out.