being grateful, humble, kind, feeling peace, joy, giving, patience, strength, clarity.

[peacefulandcalm]

These are goals. And standing up for self and anyone else and for what is right.

Spiritual life. God. Faith. Having faith and allowing faith to heal me and my loved ones. Patience.

So easy somehow a long time ago. Children have faith, joy, peace, wholeness. Then seems we get all hurt by things and thoughts and stuff and then have to undo it all to to back to that pure effortless state as a tiny child and learn to play again, and just be again, and relax and laugh again. No thoughts of not good enough, worry about we are not good enough,the future, this and that.

Just being in the moment. Breathing. Playing. Ourselves. Just as God made us. Perfectly ok. A gift from God, with some kind of uniqueness, a blueprint in the DNA already, as a baby. Innocent. Pure. Somehow so healing for adults. Reminding and bringing us back to a state of heavenly peace and joy.

When we were not judged or treated meanly or whatever happens to us in life. And we slowly feel like we are 'bad' or should be punished, or are not good enough.

Then 'world' tells us we are not good enough and starts to mess us up. I don't know.

I need to go up the mountain soon. It is so cold though. But that is where I find peace and joy, the most, in nature. And cats.

Seems we get pulled by the world into all sorts of not healthy things and then have to fight to just go back to that pure, healthy whole being that we came into the world as. Or maybe not? I don't know.

We need to feel good enough and light and loved and safe on the inside. Our job. Hard work it seems. I keep thinking I should not have to work so hard just to feel ok about myself and keep positive thoughts. But seems the world all around can push us to a negative state unless we work at it. This does not seems right.

Seems we should be able to relax, and feel positive, joy, peace. Not have to work at it.

I know that coal? is just the same thing, just before a diamond? or something like that. That a diamond is just coal that has been through a lot? or something?! I will look it up. Forgot. So I know that sometimes we are going through rough stuff to become a shiny diamond or something. The adversity is bringing out our strength, rubbing away at the rough, revealing the shiny diamond or something.

I know this is jumbled a bit. I am just getting some thoughts out best I can when my brain is 'switching' between 'channels' and fight or flight or freeze, is still remaining inside.

I am trying to go through these rough experiences with grace, knowing that they are maybe shaping us into a 'diamond' , knowing that we need adversity, it helps us grow and become stronger, brings out strength in us, helps us to become more of a 'diamond'.

Trying to be positive.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

How true your first sentences: that loving is easy and so natural when young <3

I wonder how it is that 'most' people go on to be 'normal' by 'normal accounts'!!!!!

And that got me thinking, about what sort of choices those folk must have made vs myself, and where that means they have ended up: in the world of 'success'.

I reflect on that world of success and what is means: sacrifice of personal choice....

Some might call it ego. ... and yet, I have come to call it my personal choice, because, in my world, not everyone has had a significant "life-altering trauma."

Which means that what I experience day to day 'means more' in how I am [able to be] surviving.

I am happy, therefore, to make CHOICES that mean I suffer less and DO NOT suffer more, or put myself under unnecessary or unwanted strain, additional trauma etc.

I don't need to be a high flyer to be happy. I have learnt that happiness is health. Health is beyond words, the most important destination, rather than 'planet success'.

So success is good health and this is happiness.

I look back at all the times, things and points in my life where I felt strong and supported. I look to welcoming those factors back into my current life, if those key elements have been lost, forgotten or left behind.....

All I can conclude, is that life does become better and more enjoyable with age.... because, we do become the diamond, turned from the rough stone.....

and it is OURSELVES - by being open to life and by changing and reflecting, loving, hoping, embracing ... - that we come to personally handcraft our own special and unique lives....

From there, we begin to grow and be strong once again

and start to THINK LIKE bison in the North American plains, or even Blue Whales amongst the Pacific sea.....

All is possible <3

With Blessings and Love <3 xxxxx

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to SavingGrace]

hi CatsM,

thank you...

I really enjoyed your words a few days ago, however, I was in fight or flight. I got the meds finally, the ativan. Right now, I have fallen into a bad depression and cannot think clearly...

I feel so alone and scared too I guess...not getting out enough, also dealing with father issues, as he wrote an email....so many things...

[Nathalie99 Partner]

You are already a diamond, maybe a little bit in dust.

Years ago I came up with this analogy that not all glitters is gold. To find something or someone precious. It's so easy to miss them. There can be a diamond lying in a sand. Many people walk pass it and don't notice it because they don't see it until it shines.

Someone will notice though and pick up that diamond and clean the dust off...

These are my thoughts from early 1998. What you said, resonated with me and reminded me of that.

They say that without adversity people wouldn't appreciate joy and the good things so much.

Also the good things are worth the hard work.

For us it's the goal of being more calm, centered and there is a lot of hard work involved to get there.

A lot of people don't want to do their inner work or work on self improvement. They don't think about who they would like to be.

So you are much deeper person and have a clear vision of yourself. That's really important step to make it come true. Actually, you are already there, with one foot. The more you strengthen that positive image, the stronger it becomes.

I do believe that those experiences make us stronger but also more humble and having more empathy. So in a way they help shape a diamond. That's a good way of looking at those difficult things. Like there is something positive that comes out of it...

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Nathalie99]

hi Nathalie,

I am not feeling too well....thank you for your response, like above, I read it a few days ago when I was in fight or flight...couldn't respond, but wanted to, got my ativan finally...and now have moved into a severe depressive state.

So difficult. I guess I will just keep reaching out to friends right now. I feel so bad inside, so depressed. I think we talked about that- the depression after a period of fight or flight, wow, seems true and the depression is deep right now.

I know it will get better, just feel pretty bad this morning...and cannot process much

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I understand...

It sucks big time but it may be the body trying to rest from stress.

Please keep reaching out and talk to friends or people on here...

A lot of us really care even if we don't know each other personally.

Having support is very important.

Please have hope...when you get slightly stronger you can tackle the issues if you choose to, or try and work on how to get stronger without too heavy processing. There are many ways of succesfull dealing with ptsd.

You will get better even if right now you are not so well...

Hope you get well enough to travel to that mountain when the weather will be good. So that you have something to look forward to...