Heal My PTSD

The Manchurian Candidate

The Manchurian Candidate is an interesting movie to say the least - riveting excruciating waiting for the next shoe to fall. I use to watch chick flicks & then a friend introduced me to action packed & suspense movies. Thought I'd be kind & watch HIS kind of movie & now I'm hooked. Synopsis: 2 US soldiers in the 1st Gulf War are programmed to rebel once they return home - Several years later one becomes a vice president candidate. This movie is not for the faint of heart.

I had wanted this under movies & thought that was were it would end up - BUT - guess not. Computer challenged most days.

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Saw it after I was abused in a religious mental hospital that was like a cult. I watched it just to understand what they tried to do to me. Glad that Raymond did the right thing in the end. Have you seen " Gaslight?" Another creepy one.

Almagoosa - checked on the movie Gaslight - one needs to rent but read synopsis & Netfixs has Who the X?!X!!! Did I marry. talk about Ripley believe it not - YIKES!!!!

LOL I have to learn to see them coming. Before I get in too deep ever again. Look up narcissist on you tube. Lots of good videos.

I watch many kind of movies - they all say a great deal about life & some are on the dark side - some light hearted - they all have good vs evil & the people who do evil have just been given more ammo - so I want to know what's spinning out of control in our world? I use to be horrified at what I was viewing - & now I'm rather @ a numb point. movies I've watched - lately this one listed above - learned what I believed could happen with men captured in war - could indeed be done. The taking off one's artificial face & having known to a degree this could be done in ones home vs a movie set. These put into life what I thought but now concret for me. In the movie Enough in the first part of the movie how 2 guys carry out a good guy bad guy scene so the pretend good guy has a darn good chance of getting unsuspecting lady!!! Like pay attention - this can & is REAL LIFE!!! The main theme in the movie on my post - I told that plot to a group of Dr. My Dr. Wanted me to partake of a group - it was like 7-8 Dr. In long white coats all looking @ me. I was so angry - I just said what ever popped into my head - & it is the main theme of this movie I posted here. I think it's not fiction - truly doable - I just knew that when ones country ask it's soldiers to leave to fight wars - the person who returns is Not ever the same - they lived the movies the faint of heart should avoid. What they live changes them - core being always intact BUT the care free individual that left never again will be. This is a truth that no one can dispute - just the training that is required is bound to change one & then add war. It's like PTSD your lost & you need to find your way back - but the person - original person has been erased to varying degrees - but a shadow in some aspects of who we were - trauma changes your fight or flight pattern - & for soldiers they need to return to a time & place where fight is no longer required - the real life death fight or flight scenarios. A friend of mine was home on leave from Nahm & had unfortunately with sale pitches out of this world had re-uped & was having a hard time of thinking about going back. He saw a Psychitrist & was given (surprise) meds. It was his birthday & another friend's birthday so they bought a keg & and had it a local bar set up. He was NOT a drinker per say - but the meds & liquor caused my friend to hit a tree & was pronounced dead on arrival. His father said 'At least my son doesn't have to go back to Nahm". some of us insist on silver lining - I too search in most unlikely places for this - & then remind myself - of my Let Go & Let God take. So, YES I watch movies all kinds & a steady diet of anything isn't the answer But they are a slice of life & many truths are stuffed here & there through out the movie. Grab your popcorn & your coke a cola & put in a movie!!! ENJOY!!!

Also, one day I want to just listen to the music. & listen to the lyrics - music/lyrics - I'm thinking the whole plot of the movie is in those lyrics - which come first the script or the lyrics from songs. Music sets the tone. - agree? When I watch a movie I 'm transformed into a different dimension kinda - & just once in awhile catch the lyrics - for me their in ways seperate so when I rewatch a movie not so wrapped up in the plot - so I hear the music & lyrics? Is this true for you? You can purchase the music -I did for the movie/play Chicago & the song I'm Mr. Invisible is how others try make us feel. They do to many of us. We do Matter - they just want their way - babies that never grew up - that's my take. We so Matter I'am THUS I matter.

I watched the original with Frank Sinatra and it was painful too. I needed to watch it to understand what the religious hospital had done to me. I needed to figure it out. I still try to figure it out. All the mind games that went on in my family. Since the beginning. I still don't know what to think of all the crazy stuff in my family. I know there is a secret that is right out in the open and that my mind just won't see it. I was taught not to. Taught to be blind. I still am taught to be blind. But I know it. I know I was influenced over and over year after year to be this way. I was taught that reality wasn't real and what I saw with my own eyes wasn't true. I believed the lies. I know they were lies now but it is so hard to see that all my childhood years I was screwed over and I don't know why. I will never really know why.

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