Am i reaching a downward spiral again?? I hope not!!

Having such a rubbish time at the moment :-(

been in a flare for, well i actually cant remember how long its been so long, i am in flare more than not which really annoys me but as always i plod along the best i can.

People who caught some of my blogs a few months ago will know i hit a depression and managed to pull myself out of it after the gp refused to give me anyhting to help - i was so angry with him at the time as it took so much for me to pluck up the courage and actually say out loud 'I CANT COPE ANYMORE!' as it turns out i did manage to get myself out of it eventually so glad now he didnt give me any meds for it but at the time it pushed me down even further.

Anyway, as i say i have been in a flare for a fair while now, everything hurts, tired, etc, etc!

also had a viral infection which last weeks or even months at times with me now. every viral infection i have leads to me having viral arthritis, gp doesnt know why but just knows its part of my fibro. my hips get very sore and swollen and this leads to me having to be put on steroids to get the swelling down quick so i can actualy move around! this time not only did i have the problems with my hips but the same thing hapened in my left shoulder and side of the neck. the muscles became so swollen it trapped nerves in the neck making my arms shake constantly. the steroid tablets didnt work so on monday i have a steroid injection right into the muscle. been in more agony since monday but this morning the pain had eased - and then i bashed my shoulder on the door and shock horror i am back to square one!!!

so annoyed with myself for not taking more care!

ive had to take 2 weeks off work with this issue and i think this is what is making me feel more down than anything else right now, i can feel myself slowly slipping away from my normal self and back to a low, down, depressive mess all over again :-(

i had so many issues with returning to work after sickness last year (previous blogs explain more) the thought of what treatment i may have when i go back just makes me sad. im hoping it will be different this time and i hope my employers prove me wrong but i feel like a prisoner in my own home, not wanting to leave incase i get seen by anyone who i work with, even though if they see me the pain and discomfort is clearly etched on my face and my shaky arms are easy to see!

i was such a different person last year when my depression hit, i cant face the thought of going through it again which also makes me feel down!! its like a catch 22 situation.

im sure everyone is with me when i say i just want 1 day free of pain, fatigue, depression and all the other horrible awful nasty things we have to deal with!

phew, that was a big moan but feel a bit better already for getting a bit of my chest with people who understand so much better than anyone i could talk to face to face.

thank you all for listening and being a good support whenever its needed.

hope everyone is having a better day than me! hugs to you all

holly

xxx

7 Replies

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  • Hi , I am really pleased you got yourself out of the first bout of depression but I really think you should think about seeing a more supportive GP... I take an antidepressant I am totally not depressed but it makes me sleep really well , without it I wouldn't sleep and then I would get depressed I know I have tried it.... Fibro is so hard to cope with and working while in pain and depressed I am amazed you are coping at all. Even if you just get some temporary medication to give you a boost...

    Please don't apologise for ranting its what we are here for and to try and suggest anything we can to help

    Hopefully more people will turn up with other suggestions I just hope one is right for you

    Fingers crossed

    VG x

  • thank you very-grumpy (love the name by the way!)

    i take amitriptyline which i believe is an anti depressent as well as pain relief but still feel a bit miserable, maybe a slighty higher dose is needed, i will have to talk to gp.

    it takes so much for me to admit defeat (as i see it) and tell someone i need help, i find it easier on here as i dont have to look anyone in the face and say the words i hate, typing them and actually saying them are so different for me. i am the girl who is there for everyone else, puts elveryone first, makes sure everyone else is ok and just sometimes even though i know i have a great support network, the people in help never seem to want to offer the help to me, or maybe they do and im just not open to that help so block it out?? (im just begining to think out loud here!)

    xxx

  • Just a thought there are many anti depressants out there I had to try 4 before I found the perfect one for me... It's old and cheap dosulepin so if the amitriptaline isn't really helping ask to try another... Or of course as you say you may not be on the right dose... But please don't suffer in silence

    Please let us know how you get on

    VG x

  • The amitriptyline was given as pain relief rather than an anti.dipressent but id been asking to try it as i have sleep problems as well as this on/off bouts of depression.

    A giving myself until after the easter weekend and if still no better will get in with the gp and see what he thinks

    Xxx

  • hjones

    you have cajones

    to pull up your socks

    and take all the knocks

    to your head

    and your muscles and bones

    so I'm sending to you

    a dozen 0r two

    hugs and kisses xxxxxx

    so that you know

    your never alone.

    spidey

  • Bless you xxxx

  • Hi holly ,just want to say I'm sorry your feeling so low ,

    I've started a new relationship and its been 4 weeks of re-ajusting to he's ways and mine ,I'm due to go back to my flat at the end of next week to sort things out .its going to be hard as even though I need to have a little bit of space I will miss him ,but thats a good thing I guess ,

    He has taken a lot on to be fair as I'm struggling with my pain and headaches .

    Please don't think that your on your own ,if you you need to get things off your chest this is the best sit to do it ,Lots of hugs coming your way xxx ;-) Tina

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