Having such a rubbish time at the moment
been in a flare for, well i actually cant remember how long its been so long, i am in flare more than not which really annoys me but as always i plod along the best i can.
People who caught some of my blogs a few months ago will know i hit a depression and managed to pull myself out of it after the gp refused to give me anyhting to help - i was so angry with him at the time as it took so much for me to pluck up the courage and actually say out loud 'I CANT COPE ANYMORE!' as it turns out i did manage to get myself out of it eventually so glad now he didnt give me any meds for it but at the time it pushed me down even further.
Anyway, as i say i have been in a flare for a fair while now, everything hurts, tired, etc, etc!
also had a viral infection which last weeks or even months at times with me now. every viral infection i have leads to me having viral arthritis, gp doesnt know why but just knows its part of my fibro. my hips get very sore and swollen and this leads to me having to be put on steroids to get the swelling down quick so i can actualy move around! this time not only did i have the problems with my hips but the same thing hapened in my left shoulder and side of the neck. the muscles became so swollen it trapped nerves in the neck making my arms shake constantly. the steroid tablets didnt work so on monday i have a steroid injection right into the muscle. been in more agony since monday but this morning the pain had eased - and then i bashed my shoulder on the door and shock horror i am back to square one!!!
so annoyed with myself for not taking more care!
ive had to take 2 weeks off work with this issue and i think this is what is making me feel more down than anything else right now, i can feel myself slowly slipping away from my normal self and back to a low, down, depressive mess all over again
i had so many issues with returning to work after sickness last year (previous blogs explain more) the thought of what treatment i may have when i go back just makes me sad. im hoping it will be different this time and i hope my employers prove me wrong but i feel like a prisoner in my own home, not wanting to leave incase i get seen by anyone who i work with, even though if they see me the pain and discomfort is clearly etched on my face and my shaky arms are easy to see!
i was such a different person last year when my depression hit, i cant face the thought of going through it again which also makes me feel down!! its like a catch 22 situation.
im sure everyone is with me when i say i just want 1 day free of pain, fatigue, depression and all the other horrible awful nasty things we have to deal with!
phew, that was a big moan but feel a bit better already for getting a bit of my chest with people who understand so much better than anyone i could talk to face to face.
thank you all for listening and being a good support whenever its needed.
hope everyone is having a better day than me! hugs to you all