Then and now - what's changed? Looking back to the start, November and now...

[Sarah-Jane]

My self esteem has been damaged. I found I was behaving as if I was new to my job instead of remembering I had been doing it for 13 years! I was angry that I could no longer pop down the corridor to do something, I had to use an electric chair. I felt in the way and useless.

Regarding going out I would agree then find a reason not to go. I liked the idea and then had to think - would I need the wheelchair? Or just a stick? How close could we get with the car to save pushing me through the streets? Is the building suitable for a wheelchair...so I would give up. Or I would go and find a reason why I could leave early.

I had my dog, which meant I had to go out, meet people etc and that helped so much, but she got cancer and died age 2. I cannot make myself go out now. Its easier to stay home.

Now my back hurts so much I have my Tens machine up high, just got the doctor to come to me and leave me a prescription, but again I feel I don't want to ask for someone to get the meds for me.

This was me last November 2012 talking about the previous months from February 2011. What's changed? I have a puppy, I have just about got back to work after my back caused me major pain for over a week. I am going to have a big meeting, stage 3 which means Head Teacher, Personnel and my Union will all be there. My confidence picked up for a while, I dared to dream that I was a part of a team, could take over part of my groups work when others move on in September and what did I go and do? I danced in the shower for 30 secs and later watched a film at the cinema and didn't notice any problems.

Yup my back has given up again, and when it does that it screams and so do I [well nearly, but the TENs machine, after being on for most of the day, eased it enough.

I just took a look back and it seems I am on the Hampsters Wheel here, but thanks to the Laws in this country I am only hanging onto my job by my fingernails.

I will not give up. I will not give in. I am a survivor and I will not crumble [although I may cry].

[hamble99b]

hi Sarah-Jane, please ask someone to get your med's for you.

what breed of dog did you get and have you chosen a name? pets make such a difference.

you have rights at work, have you a good union rep who will help?

don't give up, don't give in and do cry - it doesn't do you any good holding them in.

hug (( ))

sandra.

[ladymoth]

Hi Sarah Jane,

I feel for you! It's difficult to face the fear of failing at your job, and I sincerely hope that you manage to keep going. I have to say, tho', that when I was forced to give up my nursing career, I expected to be devastated, yet I felt nothing other than overwhelming relief!

I retrained and did a degree in Medical Ultrasound - much lighter and easier, but in the end even that was too much for me.

I don't regret any of it - I still have my knowledge, and still write a bit, but I have ceased to take things so seriously. Life is beautiful, my life is the only one I shall have, and no one else, no employer is going to spoil it for me - I would rather walk away!

Moffy x

[LindseyMid]

Hi Sarah-Jane

This info might be of some help:

fibroaction.org/pages/work-...

Do you know exactly what is up with your back?