understanding

iv had fibro for about three years now and its all of that to except what is going on with me,,still dont,,anyway my husband was pretty good for a while untill he found out this is not going to go away,,now when i talk about this condition or ilm in lots of pain he dos'nt seem to care the most he says is go to bed then,i dont know how to handle this ,i cant really blame him,he would get man flu for a week and i was fed up with him ,this condition has really come between us ,ii just dont know what to do ,,do not talk to him about this or do i suffer in silents ,spoke to him last night he didnt think i see him but you know when somone puts there eyes up in there head,and he said under his breath for gods sake i think i knw what that means ,i just dont know what to do iv been crying about this all night this condition has changed us so much and the best of it i dont blame him i hate what i am now i used to be so. happy and outgoing now look at at me suzey X

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  • Oh Suzey, I'm so sorry you are going through such a stressful time at the moment. It is very difficult to except and learn to manage Fibro, for me, it took many yrs & my husband had no understanding whatsoever & thought I was lazy when I couldn't get out of bed or couldn't do housework etc. Hence he's my ex now lol. It's very difficult to advise you of what to do because only you can decide how to deal with it & there is no easy answer. The only thing I can think of is Councelling may help you both, he probably does care, he just doesn't know what to do and he can't stop your pain & maybe he thinks your going to get worse and maybe he just needs to understand fibromyalgia.

    It really is not your fault though honey, you didn't ask for this and you didn't bring it on yourself and although you say, you don't blame him. Don't blame yourself either my friend.

    What about getting some good information off the internet and print it out & leave it around for him to pick up & read. Talk to your gp about it and see if he can suggest something to help. He could refer you to CBT. which is a talking therapy & helps you except life changes & manage problems by thinking differently, it may be something you could both attend, I'm not sure but you could explore that avenue. You really do need your partners support and its very upsetting if you are not well and my main advise would be, talk to your gp about it.

    I do really hope you can sort this out so you can feel happier with your situation and please do let us know how it all goes. If you want to chat more, pls don't hesitate to pm me.

    Peace, luv n light 🌷🌷🌷

    Jan xx

  • thanks jan ,you just feel like you need to say it out loud thanks for reading suzey X X

  • Yeah i know exactly what you mean, you think about it differently don't you ? It's good to get it out there. πŸ˜‰ xx

  • Hi lewissusan1955

    I am so genuinely sorry to read this my friend, and I think it is truly awful when one person in a relationship does not take an interest in the others health concerns. My own personal experience is somewhat different to yours as my wife lives with Multiple Sclerosis and I would do anything to help her. She in return would do anything for me (if she only could).

    It may help to take your husband with you to your next doctors / hospital appointment if he is willing to accompany you? I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please take care of yourself my friend.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • It's often so difficult for partners too as they grieve for the person we used to be and they feel so helpless. Often men will just withdraw into their "man cave" and not want to deal with something they have no control over. My own partner's way of dealing with it is to try and offer to pay to see someone who "could help". If only it were that easy. I did a CBT course and that helped by talking to someone outside of the day to day living with fibro. I also attended hypnotherapy and mindfulness training and although it didn't exactly help my partner it helped me deal with his feelings of what fibro has done to us as a couple. I did buy a couple of books about what to tell friends and colleagues about fibro and left them on the table, whether he looked at them or not can't say. We muddle along like most couples, as lets face it all partnerships have issues of one type or another at some stage. It does take a time of adjustment on both sides and hopefully you will come out of it a stronger couple. Good luck and let us know how it's going.

  • Lewis sun an 1955, I cannot imagine living with Fibromyalgia and not having the TOTAL support og my husband.

    One thing I did and continue to do on occasion , I find articles online that really describe what the symptoms are and how debilitating they can be then I PRINT THEM out and give to husband, kids, & family and friends and ASK THEM TO READ. It could be that he doesn't know what you go thru and doesn't know how to help you . Problem is, communication! Tell him how it makes you feel when he is short with you and tell him you need for him to hold you even if he can't fix it. A hug gods a long way. I am very grateful, first thing my husband says is: What can I do? I have a lot of lower back pain and I will ask for a massage, we have several different ones. He also helps me attach the patches for the Tens Unit. Take him to doc with you, may help him understand better ? Fibromyalgia is chronic and to my knowledge , long term. There is no cure but there are some good days. You could have Cancer or any number of other illnesses, thank God, you don't, you have Fibromyalgia and for the most part it SUCKS and he needs to understand what YOU have to endure on a daily basis. You need compassion, empathy, sympathy, Love and kindness. Talk to him and do what you can and when you can't. ask him to understand. Not judge 😘

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