I,m back treat me gently

Well I always thought even though I have many of the symtoms the same as other fellow fibromites, I had mine well under control, I know stress is a trigger as is not pacing.but I am back from two evenings of college searching... 5 hour round trip both nights, taxis , trains some very slow walking stairs, a one point my OH looked at me and said are you going to make this... I did on autopilot for my son. I,m not looking for sympathy, I,m just totally spent , exhausted typing with two fingers even they hurt, how the heck can anyone with fibro pace themselves and work and stay sane ... To those of us who do I salute you .. Heaven knows how you do it. Just got up to get my son to school I think had I not had to I would have slept for England I am way past tired I am done for. I,m just waiting for the knock on the front door and find two men in dark suits saying we,ve come to take the body...I don't think I can get dressed, my body, legs in particular are so sore to touch and after all that..... It was a good thing we did the colleges cos now I have to get in touch with school. My son has looked at the 3 options and wants to stay on at school 6th form ... The hardest of the 3 options for getting a place. But the best for him geographically and they do the same course as the colleges. Wish me luck... Oh and can someone post something funny.... I really need it... Have done a quick scroll through and I have laughed at dopey and the nuns. Will search more soon

Told you I would be back.... Just thought I would be back bouncy and annoying as usual... Been an eye opener as to how bad I would be if I had to work. Please don't post any sympathy just post how glad you are my son has made up his mind I think any sympathy would tip me over the fibro edge and I don't want to be in tears today unless it's with laughter......lol my stupid iPad changed laughter to ladygreenfingers....good job I re read

VGx

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  • One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

    He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

    In disbelief, he asks,"Where did you come from?

    How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman."I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom

    from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree. "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem, she replied. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

    While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much but I call it home. Please sit down. Would you like a drink?"

    No, thank you!," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

    No longer questioning anything, he goes upstairs to the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?

    When he returns, she, smelling faintly of gardenias, greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,"We've both been out here for many months.

    You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing.

    "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a Golf Course?"

    *A father passing* by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

    Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

    *Dear Dad*,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

    I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

    Even though Randy is much older than me (*anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?* ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

    Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

    Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

    *Don't worry Dad*, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    *Your loving daughter*,

    Rosie.

    At the bottom of the page were the letters " *PTO*".

    Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

    PS:

    Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

    *I love you*!

    Your loving daughter,

    Rosie

    Jane loved Tony, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together.

    How can I stop Tony spending so much money on me? She asked her mother.

    Marry him!

    Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

    When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost

    impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

    Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

    St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

    The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter,

    who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

    The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity

    to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

    She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up

    to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

    St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

    The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

    The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

    Dear Son,

    I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left home.Your mum read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

    I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

    The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

    About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your mother out.

    Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother....

    Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned cause they couldn't get the tailgate down.

    There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

    Love

    Dad

  • Well VG you wanted funny and you got it brilliant Dixie I am still chuckling .... just wrote duckling my goodness shall I blame Fibro or my fingers or my appauling back - I too need laughter nice to have you back VG xgins

  • Dixie that is JUST what I needed thank you so much, thanks for the welcome back gins , but don't get too happy I,ll be be back to gins baiting before you know it..

    VG xxxxx

  • Glad you enjoyed the jokes ladies :-) welcome bk vg hope ur feeling a bit better now and have gained some control over your pain levels. Hi gins hope youve got ur flack jacket on because once vg is feeling up to it normal baiting behaviour will resume lol x x

    Dixie

  • Dixie if you have any more jokes, please feel free to put them on our Jokes Galore thread, we'd love to see some of yours on there too! :)

    Link to Jokes Galore -

    fibroaction.healthunlocked....

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