I think i'm going off the rails big time

[julieann39]

Hiya guys,i havent been on in ages due to massive flare up and bed bound,so i went to gp again and she put me on diazipam,omg....since ive been on them i am having horiffic mood swings tot he stage i want to punch someone,crying loads and feeling like taking all my pills and quiting.

I know your all thinking thats stupid and a cowards way out,'cos ive felt the same at times and its worse cos my kids are 300 miles away being cared for by my parents as i cant care for them anymore due to this bloody ME.

My flat is full of mold and damp,i have no shower and i need one every day as i have a stoma bag,workers should of come out today,never showed which set me off again to the stage i had a massive panic attack and fit.

oh yeah guys,by the way i said i would let you know what gp said about fits,she says i dont need to see a specialist as she knows whats best,yesh right!not.......

Im fitting on average now 3 times a week,and have now developed these feelings of anger and suicidle,and burning arms that are bright red and purple blotches at top,i dont know what it is,could it be related to the ME ????

I'm sorry to rant on guys,but today has been a very bad day and i feel like a bag of shite,in severe paina nd have to go now as hands are curling up and typing is getting sdifficult.

hugs to you all,hope you are all well and still smiling. love you all.xxxxjules

[Brian64]

keep your chin up, I think its time you saw a new doctor and try to get referred as anyone who is fitting as many times as you are needs to be helped be careful with the diazipam as they can trigger fits. we all get low I have been that low too but think of your kids there smiles and laughs it helps me. find your support group and they will help you find the right doctor. never give up hugs

Brian

[julieann39 in reply to Brian64]

Hi Brian,sorry i haven't replied before as i have been low as you know and i'm not so well with flu aswell at moment. It's very hard for me to keep smiling as i am in a awful situation that i will message you personally. My kids are the ony ones i keep going for. Hope your well.

Hugs to you. Jules.

[sheelagh]

Gentle hugs to you

I wish sometimes if the GPS had this pain for a day would they be more helpfull ????

[julieann39 in reply to sheelagh]

Hi Sheelagh,thanks for your message,sorry not replied before,got flu at moment and i am changing my gp too.Hope your having a lovely day.

Hugs Jules.x

[fibropixie]

Hi Jules, never give up! It is a bad day and you will come through. Firstly it sounds like you need to see another GP, as Brian said. She doesn't sound very sympathetic. We're all here - all times of day and night - so don't despair. Soft hugs x

[julieann39 in reply to fibropixie]

Hi Fibropixie,thanks for the supportive advice,i am changing my gp and trying to find a support group in my area,as yet i havent been able to find any,thanks hun,hugs to you.x

[pottyness]

i m with brian 64 change your doc. i may do the same if today doesnt go well with the one i am seeing at the practice ive been with for 20 years simply cos i cant get to see a proper doc. i am on diaz. they dont cause me fits but then everyone is very very different and funnily enough your doc doesnt apear to believe that. purple blotches are not anything i have ever had [FM and ME]nor my sis{ME} or mother {ME & MCS} but everyone is different. FM comes with a whole load of other stuff and EACH ONE NEEDS TO BE TREATED. so if i get migraines cos i have FM then i need to sort my migraine out. i dont expect my doc to say 'its just FM or its just ME. change them please and get some proper care for you cos it doesnt sound like there is anyone out there careing for you.

very gentle hugs and good luck with the builder. i wish it was my ex husband doing it for you cos he would never let anyone down and is always there when he says he will... even though hes my ex....

[julieann39 in reply to pottyness]

Hi pottyness,

thankyou for your kind message,ive stopped taking the diazepam as i was vommiting more and really bad mood swings,but i think thats mainly due to my partner,who at moment is driving me seriously crazy,i have major major issues in my relationship and he's useless to say the least,i wouldnt knwo where to start regards him.

As for the builders,well....another week we have to wait to see if floor had dried anymore,so we have mold and damp in bedroom which we cant sleep in,bathroom,lounge carpet is ruined and we sleep on a sofa each,hallway is same,even my poor fish look ill. Your ex sounds like he would of been ideal,i think these guys are a bunch of cowgirls who would be shown up by a group of chimps.

As for care,well i'm doing most things myself now,partner isnt bothered anymore,so i never sit down til gone 11.30pm hence why i'm not around on here much,anyways i am changing my gp this week and actually hope i find a gp who understands.Hope your having a lovely sunday hun,hugs to you.

Jules.xx

[Jeannie]

Gentle hugs. Take care AND change that Doc he sounds useless

[julieann39 in reply to Jeannie]

Hi Jeannie

I am doing so this week,well hopefully as i'm full of flu at present.I really dont understand some of these doctors who claim to have so many letters after name,yet i could do a better job myself.

Hugs

Jules.x

[charlie_2]

Hey Julie,

get another GP , and scream to high heaven till someone listens. It's weird but i've found that you really have to make a fuss, to be heard. It's not fair and it shouldn't be that way but sometimes it is. I have a fantastic gp who listens and always makes time for me. If I could loan her out I would.

I think maybe many of us have felt like you, at one time or another. To give up would be easier. But you know what, then I wouldn't have had the chance to listen to you now and learn from you. I think we are all teachers and pupils with this stupid fibro. We need each other and I personally get strength from all of you.

always here if it helps,

charlie

[julieann39]

Hiya Charlie

That is so nice of you and i am trying to keep going day by day,well i'm full of flu at moment and hoping it clears so i can change gp this week. Had to come off diazepam,making me have mood swings,sod that lol

It's amazing how many complex symptons we all suffer with this illness,if only we all had a magic wand,i am glad i found this site though and have spoken to alot of really nice and caring people along the way,including your good self.

Thanks Charlie and hugs to you and hope your all good and happy in health today.

Jules.x