Hi everyone I want to thank you for the kind words yesterday, The upset has left me in a terrible flare, i have been up much of the night literally crying with pain.
Out of curiosity I reseached this morning how much my medication and regular tests I have would set me back if I had agreed to move to New Zealand, I knew it would be expensive which is why I always maintained it was not an option, but wowzers I never for a moment thought it would be so much.
Medication Per Annum $7408, as an ex pat, mainly because the Cymbalta is not subsidized over there. The Blood Screening I have to have for my cholesterol and the high risk of cancer due to the type my mother died of is $124 each time and the MRI scans I have to check the state of the disks in my spine, and the fact that I have shown and continue to show signs of MS at $2000 for brain and spinal scans.
Considering I am unable to work, and that I have PCOS and I made it clear from the time we went from friends to partners that children were very much part of what I wanted, and would need medical intervention for this which I have not researched, where would this money come from? I wouldn't be eligable for the benefits I receive here.
~~This has been very cathartic for me and when he has stopped being a baby and we finally talk I have these figures to hand.
Emotionally I feel much better about the whole the sorry situation, just angry.
In the immortal words of the fabulous Dusty Springfield "I'm all cried out"
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SapphireStanton
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I have utilised my wellness toolbox, i have written my hurt letter actually sent it this time, did some light crafting last night as I am running a craft workshop on Friday to make dreamcatchers, and I plan to take things vey easy as I am in mega-flare. If its not essential it isn't happenning.
It is always a sad time when reality stares you in the face and the picture isn't perhaps what you would wish it to be (just been there myself but for different reasons) however I still feel you have done EXACTLY the right thing.
The figures you have put together are only an account of the EXPECTED care... they do not show any UNEXPECTED care that you would need. IF this man really loved you, I mean by that if he really valued and cared for you and could unselfishly want the best for you then I feel he would have totally understood your position and actually done some of this research himself. I hope that doesn't sound as if I don't care about your situation because I am very sympathetic but find it rather scary that he would be prepared to take you right across the world without making sure that you would be able to have the resources/money to fund your level of health and well-being!!
What I hope is that this devastating event has reached its peak for you now, as you say you are "all cried out" you must be feeling quite spent. Having reached a place of peace with this take some time to rest, sleep, read, watch light-hearted DVDs & do whatever else makes you happy while your poor body and soul recover.
I feel that your future is definitely worth focussing on in a wholly positive way because I'm sure that (I know it's a bit of cliché but...) there is something - maybe someONE - better around the corner for you!! Perhaps by staying here you will eventually find true happiness & be able to say first hand one day that the grass is NOT greener or sweeter on the other side...
Take care of yourself, Sapphire, and one day, you will find someone who truly deserves you. This man needs to take a good look at himself and weed out the bad bits!
Incidentally, a craft workshop making dreamcatchers? Brilliant! I would love to do something like that - my job doesn't exactly encourage creativity.
Unfortunately I can no longer work, especailly after the last job, almost finished me off. I do some volunteer work. The dreamcatcher workshop is part of the pagan group I go to, we take it turn to once a month share our knowledge, I also do occasional workshops with an arts therapy group i went to a few years ago. One day when the economic climate brightens up I will make money from my creative pursuits, however in a climate where people struggle to but food spending silly money on my artwork is highly unlikely.
I am feeling brighter today emotionally.... I could amputate from the hips down to get rid of the pain but I am seeing the world a little more favorably. The anger from his best friend (who still lives in the UK) helped A LOT.
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my birthday.huge hugs and thanks
Thank you my lovely fibro friends
Been to GP oh my that was a close shave.
Ive had my DLA medical today..thank goodness thats over!
