"greiving?"

i think one of the reasons i do feel suicidal and depressed is because i am literally "grieving" for the old me,it is like physically i have "died",and i have never really grieved because i have never been able to except i won't ever be that person again and i miss that person so much,i shall tell you bout the person who "died",she was fun,hit the world at 100 miles a hour from waking up,was very athletic and sporty,loved socialising,dancing,cycling,living,helping others,making others feel good about themselves,generally warm, humorous, pretty wacky but in a nice way,could be stubborn,and worked full time,but now that is not the me that is alive so i don't know what to do ,i can't go on "grieving her forever...but i miss the old me so so much......does this make sense?

13 Replies

oldestnewest
  • hi, it makes a lot of sense as i m ain the same frame of mind. I used to work full time watch the grandchildren enjoy life now i rarely go out. However i am trying not to let it get me to down . Because i can smile i can pace myself, i can still help people emotionally. I am at the stage were i need to accept that i have entered a new life and like you need to accept oit or spend the rest of my life feeling regretfull. I think to myself at least i am alive and can still with help and adjustment enjoy life. i may not be able to ride a bike but i can get a mean speed on a scooter lol. it will get better. Citalopram helped me hope you can get help from your gp xxxx

  • the old you still exists trust me.i felt that way when i was married and since i divorced and found my twin flame im the old sammy i was before i got m.e and other probs.

    yes i have my down days and depression .

    i cant do all the stuff i used to do and i hate it so much but im learning to find new things im maybe good at instead and replace and build new memories .we cant go back but just forwards.and has hard has it is.let yourself grieve.

    i was in remission 3 years ago from m.e then a bad car crash happened and bang it came back much much worse.

    my fella is like you at moment and is frustrated and angry that he isnt same person.he feels lost and says he has to find himself.

    so im there for him and will support him 100%..hes going back to college in September for 2 days a week and although hes gonna be tired its baby steps hes making to rebuild new life.

    we will always have this illness unless theres a cure.

    dont be hard on yourself.lifes hard for all of us .

    im sorry if this hasnt helped.i can only go by my experience.life knocks us down we get back up again.smile,cry,walk in the rain do stuff that you can manage and enjoy one day at a time.

    xx

  • you are not alone !!!

    Every one of us have been there and it is hard to face but you can get through it!

    My advice to you (from my experience)

    firstly Go to your GP and get on an anti depressant asap With fibro our serotonin levels deplete quicker (which affects our mood) and anti depressants help increase serotonin. (I'm not coming off mine ever, done it once and it wasn't good)

    I know there is a bit of a stigma about depression (but who cares what others thinks we are just trying to cope with this illness) As my Dr said 'Would you rather be coping with them or struggling without them?'

    Also seek counselling I got some cognitive behavior therapy, My Dr told me to go to the Womens Center as I would be seen quicker than through Drs. Its free and confidential,

    some times it is easier to talk to a stranger as you can be completely honest, as sometimes it's hard to tell your love ones things as you don't want to upset them etc.

    I also went and got some hypnotherapy which really helped me deal with the grieve and put things into perspective. It was the best thing i ever did.

    Being depressed is not a weakness, And for you to admit your are not coping show's you are STRONG.

    If you want to talk ever don't hesitate or PM me.

    you can get through this and the old you is still there I promise x

  • Hi I am exactly the same as you, I cried when I read your blog because I to cannot come to terms with the person I am now. I am 57 had to retire through ill health but am so depressed and often wonder what the point of carrying on. I just have to keep reminding myself what it would do to my family. Its so hard having to watch my grandchildren play football ect and not be able to join in. I have read what others have put and I am waiting for CBT but my initial telephone assessment is not until the 3rd Octoberthen they will decide if they will see me. I do see the psychologist at the pain clinic but its only every 3 months. I also get some support from the local mental health team and you might find that helpful. I suppose at some point we will learn to come to terms with being disabled but until that time we will just have to support one another on this site. I am thinking of you and take care Sue xx

  • Ohh Electricjaws you are so "Normal" in our community.

    It is totally normal to grieve for what you used to be; I'm definately doing it! I guess eventually we will reach acceptance of our new kind of normal but until then the grief, denial, anger just has to work it's way through until it has exhausted itself.

    I don't have a magic answer. Just the reassurance that you are perfectly normal and given time the grief should subside.

    (((((( gentle hugs ))))))

    Julie xx

  • Aw EJ, I know exactly where you are coming from and its so frustrating to look back and see where we used to be in relation to where we are at the moment. Keep your chin up and look forward is the only advice I can give you at the moment. Hope you feel better and are able to come to terms with things very quickly, take care in the meantime. Love Angela x

  • I personally think one of the things that should be discussed when we are first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia is this period of mourning. We all seem to go through it, I went through it for one year, nearly drove myself nuts with it. I wanted me back, not the wreck I found in my place. I used to never tire, I thought I could do anything, a real zest for life, then I'm stuck in bed for months with no quality of life at all, wishing I could opt out!

    I think we have to acknowledge at this point that how we are feeling is perfectly normal and completely understandable. We have to give ourselves time, time to understand and time to adjust, also time to accept. That awful word "accept".

    We must try not to be too hard on ourselves, it isn't our fault. Anyone with any life changing condition goes through this awful time of feeling "why me?". We hear that Fibromyalgia isn't curable and it's natural that we can't accept this, why should we! It's a time thing unfortunately and we have to come out the other side when we have finally accepted how we are. Bless you EJ and everyone!

  • yes libertyz, i think a lot of the problems are how we get treated for ths blasted "invisible illness" it is like being predudiced towards us ,because no one can see the illness they assume it isn't there,someone i know (not a friend) a casual person i sometimes talk to ,oh you got a few aches and pains have you love,i said no i feel like i have been hit by a bloody truck every day ,feel exhausted and in pain all over,she didn't know what to say and i just went off on my mobility scooter

  • Yes that's exactly how it is unfortunately EJ. There is not enough information and a lack of understanding out there regarding Fibromyalgia.

  • Again, I'll repeat what so many others have said... you are not alone in this and can SO identify with what you and others say about grieving for the old you... {{{gentle hugs}}}

    At the moment I feel spent, having just had to write everything down for ESA, seeing it in black and white without anywhere to hide wasn't pretty, easy or indeed helpful... My wonderful GP wrote a fantastic letter of support... but that just made me cry as it sort of "formalized" it all if you know what I mean. I still wonder if I'll be awarded as the whole system is just so unfair as can be seen on here in one sorrowful tale after another. Anyway, what I wanted to share with anyone who is interested is a really good little book that I discovered a while ago - I've lent it out so many times, indeed I don't have it at the moment so cannot quote the ISBN or anything but I bought it from Amazon for around £8.

    The book is called "Depression - the Curse of the Strong." by Timothy (?) Cantopher. I found it easy to read (even in a deep depression) as he starts the book off by explaining that you will probably have lack of concentration and to just read one page at a time or as much as you can absorb. He also explains how depression "works" & that it is a PHYSICAL illness, which I found so helpful... It isn't a great big missive with lots of long words or complicated language and is written with empathy and warmth. There were SO many things in there that made me think he had been to my house and watched me!!! One section refers to the "Hoover in the middle of the room" and made me smile because when I used to be ABLE to use a hoover (smiles wryly) that was indeed what it was like!!!!! The author says that suicide is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and while I wouldn't describe our particular problem (FM) as "temporary" I do agree that my mood often goes up or down and while there are many days when I DO feel very down there are also those, just once in a while, where I think to myself. Yep. I'm SO glad I'm here to see this!!

    So look it up... "Depression - the curse of the strong"... ... ... I hope you'll be able to find it & that it will be of use to you.

    Be gentle with yourself...

    Every good wish xx

  • oh hunny that is exactly how we are all feeling.

    I have been struggling myself over the past couple of weeks and when you mentioned your feelings like grieving it made a light bulb go off in my head.That is exactly how it feels somedays.

    I to work and have a young family and there are many days that I crave for my oldlife back . The one thinng I try to keep to the front of my mind is that there is always someone worse off in the world.

    I recently attended a pain clinic at the local hospital where a group of nurses, consultants and pyshcologists work with you in a group setting for a month to try and make you realise that the pain will not got away and we can keep on trying allsorts of different remedies but are we really gaining anything from it or should we be spending the time doing something that really means something in your life. I have heard that a number of pct's operate the pain clinics and for me I found it really good,Maybe it might be worth enquiring.I know that nearly all of us in the group found it to be of benefit.

    Hope things make a positive turn for you soon and sending bug gentle hugs

    xx

  • I no how u feel I used to be great at gymnastics and horse ridin an walkin dog now it's hos app and physio app and dla interviews but there ar good days that do make up for the bad live thru the bad an enjoy the good

  • it is grief. It's the death of the old you, dreams and hopes... But you are still the same person inside, you've just been hit with a huge shock and no energy to deal with it. Your life can never be as bad as before you were diagnosed - then it was unknown, now things can be done to help - it may take some time to fine tune the meds & good days & bad, but you are now on this site where people care and share, you are no longer alone. Take as much or as little as you want from here, but please keep in touch.

    regards, sandra

You may also like...