ive just had the most beautiful message of a member on here called whippet-lover.
cant go into any details but this isnt a site for domestic violence i no but if i can help just one person walk away,yeah your gonna have some days you think o.m.g...
but i can go to bed finally and sleep well and not live in fear ever.
he was great with kids yet they still saw the violence and i worry my son will be exactly like him?i can only hope and pray he doesnt?
i never picked that life for myself nor for my kids.
im not a bad mom either that they are with him.
no one but no one should judge anyone like me for walking away.
i had a little breakdown after and was left homeless,i went into a downward spiral of losing control and let a con man take all my savings from my house sale at time.
i wont let any one judge me for all this.you no why coz im still standing.
and no matter what life throws at me ill never give up fighting?
im not a victim of anything my illness,my childhood nor my ex.
im not bitter either im happy happy sammy and found my soulmate who im gonna marry in a small wedding next year.
ill get my kids back one day and they know i adore them.
domestic violence can happen to man/or woman and you never know when?
im proud and standing.and so should every other woman/man be as well.
just because i wear my heart on my sleeve dont mean im lying...
ive suffered awful domestic violence in the past and i totaly empathise! i finally got the courage to leave him when my youngest was born, she is 5 now and i still find it hard to trust people, and have been single for 5 years, hopefully i have a soulmate somewhere!
nobody should suffer! courts should be giving them proper punishments!!
my ex got 7 days suspended sentence, suspended for 28 days!!!! was a joke!!
Hi Happy Sammy! and glad to hear you been able to move on (we will not judge you with regards to your children) it was you he abused not the kids and if you thought for a second the children would have any problems you would change circumstances!!
I was in a violent relation ship for 10yrs myself and had 3 children to this arrogant, disrespectful, physicaly, mentaly abusive being! so many say but WHY have 3 children? ohh if i could have a pound lol.
The sorry's the threats and yes the threats of putting me in a box and doing time if i ever left is part reason for it. he never hurt the kids because if that was in the situation i would of got out no matter what.. i stayed because of family etc wanted to stay through thick and thin and not be judged.
My mum unfortunately had 3 of us to 3 different men and the stories i have heard is disgusting!!! never judge some one ever! She fell unlucky and was a door mat!
I did not want to follow that path hence part reason i stayed no matter what! it was only the 3rd child when born that it got nasty. I sufferd many broken bones and hospital visits in the 10yrs. Had to lie on every occasion what happend.
anyway despite the past history i have a lovely husband who i wish i had met 25 yrs ago now. We have ups and downs but nothing like the past.
I wish you every bit of luck for the future and am sure what will be will be and that he is not left too long for the children to be poisoned against you!! i have had this also..I am the nicest person you could meet it is people out there that choose to judge me either by looks, personality or my life.
hi cazzie what another lovely post.all the people on here are really caring and understanding.
no one should judge anyone no matter what.
we each have our skeletons in cupboards some more than others.
its what makes us who we are today.im like you such a nice caring happy loud and annoying at times person who would never inflict hurt on anyone.
i sometimes feel like someones punsihing me with my kids.
i write to them every single day,i text,and message and if im lucky my ex lets me see them once a fortnight for the day.even though the judge gave us shared access.
he cant handle ive moved on and am in love and happy.
they like the control dont they?
both kids seem poisoned to a certain degree i just hope one day they find there way back to me.
xx
always been like that been through too much to let d.w.p and life get better of me just keep fighting. x
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thanks for info i have all that.
and yeah my ex doesnt have a clue what im on as i have a different name now.
Sammy I always say it takes tremendous bravery to walk away.
In doing so as much as your children are not where you would dearly love them to be,they are not witnessing the violence anymore.
When the time is right having witnessed what their Mum went through,they will know the truth,It`s desperatlely hard for you now,but I believe it will get better.
it takes great strength to walk away as you are often left feeling there is nothing you can do.
I walked away 7 years ago with one child and one suitcase, wanted nothing more except my books..all polluted goods.
Mine was mental abuse, i was visiting my daughter in Canada last year and she said "oh Mum read this"...everything i read was the ex to a tee...she scrolled to the top of the page...Sociopath. It certainly put things into perspective but will never ever excuse what he inflicted on us. The one thing my daughter said is "mum i'll never forgive you for not leaving him earlier" Such is my cross to bear and i accept it. It took me 2 or 3 years after leaving him, and a talk to a friend who worked in a refuge, to admit I was a victim of domestic abuse and now i've come to terms with it. The first relationship i got into 3 years later i was asked what i wanted...without even thinking i said "Never to be afraid again", think it shook us both and it still makes me cry.
I've now met the most wonderful person and we've been together just over a year...my forever person. just wish i could have met him years ago and saved my sanity.
Sammy you're a wonderfully strong woman, you did nothing wrong, so hold your head up and believe in yourself. Anyone who has anything to say...do they know what went on behind closed doors...NO...so they should shut the hell up and keep their noses out.
My dad used to hit my mum & try to strangle her sometimes. I can remember as a young child standing inbetween them screaming at them "stopit stopit stopit" as his hands went over my head round her throat. I was about 5 or 6.
If anyone starts arguing loudly near me now I shudder & the fear comes back. It's an awful feeling that never really goes away.
Good luck for your future.
Gentle safe hugs xx
thanks everyone.it wasnt just this that i left him for.he got me into a awful lot of trouble to save his own skin one day,plus he left me in 10,000 worth of debt so now im going through a debt relief for a year and will have bad credit for 6 years.
my daughter is very much the same way as described above.and she hates any arguing of any sort.but lucky for me my fella and me dont argue ever.
we have little nips but not shouting or raising voices and never in front of her.
im so sorry theshadow you had to go through all that .
i too wish every woman on here all the very best of luck and you do have organizations that can also help further.
good luck and thanks for sharing your experiences with me.xx
in reply to
So sorry to read all this Sammy. I have been in exactly the same boat as you in the past with my ex-husband, so I have a lot of experience of years with domestic violence, money concerns and where to go for help and advice etc. If you feel like a bit of reassurance or advice privately, please feel free to message me at any time. Happy to help and offer a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend etc. Take care and I do feel for you.
To reiterate Lindsey's (Admin) message in case everyone hasn't seen it on here -
A few domestic violence resources in case they can help anyone:
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i did say above there was plenty of organizations that could help.
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Limitations not realised by others !
Would it be giving in or up?
The Woman Who Went To Bed For A Year
Poem I made up years ago
Anyone live near me wanna meet up and chat support each other?
