Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Home Alone....can i cope?

Hi all, my lovely hubby has been offered a job in Canada doing a highly skilled job that he has trained for years to do. At the moment he is working a low paid menial job that he hates but when he was made redundant it was all that was available as jobs are so rare these days. This job means he will be away for 3 months at a time and then home for a month before going back for 3 months etc. I know he really wants to go but even though he will miss us all so much he confessed that he is most worried about leaving me in my state of health. We have 3 children and the eldest is about to fly the nest for uni in september, the 14 year old is autistic but not severely, and a 7 year old. Hubby is worried if i have a bad patch would i be able to cope but the money is so good it would be insane to not take this oppertunity (it is £60k)....what do you think would help hubby to feel better about leaving and what will i do if fibro takes hold? Gentle hugs x

5 Replies

Hi hun,

It is too good to miss especially with no available jobs in the uk. I feel for you though as i knew i would be worried hun. You dont say how long he would be away for, Does he get to come home evry so often or will be just holiday allowance???

I think he should go and try it and at least you would have some savings if he evr did need to come back home. You and him dont sound happy with him doing the job he has at the moment.

Have you got family close you could depend on?

If he is making that much could you not afford a cleaner once a week to come and do all the hard jobs for you then you just have to concertrate on the kids?

I have only had three times in the last three years that andrew has had to take time off work due to me being so bad, does your hubby have to take time off for you?

I have just gave you some ideas to think of to see if it is the right decision for you.

Good luck with deciding as its a hard one.

hugs, kel xxxxx


HI and thanks for your comment. He will be away for 3 months solid then home for a month and so on....i dont have any family close by but i do have a few very good and trusted friends but they have their own lives to lead but i could turn to them if stuck. we could afford a cleaner but its like hubby said...i would only clean up before they came cos i wouldnt want them to think im lazy lol! Hubby doesnt have to take time off to help me but my eldest daughter is a big help with housework etc when im bad but shes going away to uni in sept (sob) i do think it is the right decision to go but it is worrying all the same....gentle hugs xx


Hi Lynn and thanks for your comment. My hubby worked away before but it was only for 6 weeks max and he was based in the uk which of course he wont be woth this job, but your comment has really inspired me to back him 100% and im actually excited now! There is no end though, this is a permament position but when hes home we can do lots of things as a family and have the money to do them, the fibro is worrying as i am steadily getting worse but we will cross that bridge when we come to it...what the hell! you only live once lol! Again, have really helped me...gentle hugs xx


I would work out what you will struggle with most without him and then work out what you can do to mitigate that. E.g. if you'll struggle to get the kids to school if you flare, find a local taxi firm that could take them.

Getting a cleaner is a great idea IMO, especially if you find a flexible one so that you can get them to do something different to normal if needed. Think of it as saving your spoons for your family, so try to not clean for your cleaner!


hi Charli, what a great opportunity for your hubby. Too good a chance to miss!

Meanwhile, get yourselves organised together for his time away. Sit down and make a plan together of all that needs sorting, so you can both have goals to aim for. A mind map is a useful tool: list the tasks and then break them down into the elements that need action to achieve them.

The bigger plan also means getting some help for yourself, including a cleaner. Get someone who is also prepared to do things like ironing, popping to the shops, and spring-cleaning. They can help tackle the bigger jobs which require moving furniture etc. They're also company for you and break up the week.

Have you got all the assistance in place that you require for your children? Will anything need beefing up in your hubby's absence?

Getting organised also means sorting out the communications like Skype etc and planning a trip out there as soon as yr hubby has seen how the land lies. It will be something to look forward to and a learning experience for your children.

Make sure all your friends know about the new arrangements. Hopefully they'll give you the support you need while he's away. I expect you'll get more adept at prioritising and focusing on good stuff rather than the bad.

Above all, make sure your GP knows the new situation and beefs up the meds as required.

What a wonderful opportunity this gives you as a family. It will of course be tough, but who knows what might develop from it.


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