LOST EVERYTHING DEAR TO ME

LOST EVERYTHING DEAR TO ME

Hi peeps,

Sorry to moan today but am feeling a little dispare as i think of all the thing in life this illness has taken from me.

I've has fybro for 20yrs now and it has gotten slowly worse over that time, I had everything anyone could ask for before this, a wonderful husband, great kids, a lovely home and a great job i was so proud to have achieved, then on a holiday to spain with my family i caught a virus and well you all know the rest.

Since then i have lost my husband, who left me in 2007 because he didn't believe my illness wa" that bad"! and because our family had grown and moved on wanted a party life style, he redescoverd himself, going on golf holidays with the boys, buying designer clothes and generally partying it up, but because i couldn't join in he just upt and left, leaving me with all the marital debt and no mens to keep paying my mortage or look after my self, at this time my 21yrs old son lived with us, but he waited till my son was on holiday with his girlfriend to pull the biggest shocker and leave me, and in time things got much

worse.

After a year i eventually lost my home, was made homless for three years, and now live on my own in a rotten little flat that i hate, the rest of my kids don't beleive my illness is as there dad said "that bad" and i have made this life for my self.

Anyway, im so sorry for the moan, i know there are many of you out there with much worse stories, but i feel a little meloncoly today and just had to write this to you because i know there is someone out there who understands .

I'm now 51yrs old and just feel im now waiting and passing time till the end.

luv you all. M. xx

33 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hugs to you M. That's just awful.

    As if suffering pain every waking hour - and in to the night - isn't bad enough , it's so unfair that you've lost all this too.

    I can certainly empathise with everything you say . In my 20's and 30's I had a very busy life , bringing up 2 sons and working as a counsellor .One of my sons is disabled so I gave up work to look after him eventually. Like yours , my H at the time didn't believe in what he termed psychological illnesses and I got no help at all when I started to get really ill . In the end the atmosphere was so bad that I left . Because of his business debts there was little equity in our home and I ended up with virtually nothing when everything was paid off . I was forced to take a rental house in a very rough area , it was all I could afford for me and my sons.

    We went from a nice 3 bed semi in a semi rural area, to a mid terrace in the centre of the city , bordering the red light district . Living on disability benefits with no help or support from ex husband .

    The next few years ( 10 ) were hell and my health got worse and worse , stress is a killer when you're ill.

    It's only been the last 4 years that I've met a lovely man who really understands my illness and loves me anyway and that has given me some hope. I thought after the break up of my last hellish relationship that I was destined to always be alone.

    All I can say is , hope is all we have sometimes . I hope you've been in contact with agencies that can help you and have had a full benefits check.

    Do you have friends who can support you ? It doesn't sound like you have a very supportive family and you do need people around you that you can rely on and talk to.

    Love and hugs

    xx

  • you're story gives me hope Helen, and is so simillar to mine, i'm really glad you found you're man in the end though, with his love and support i hope things get a little easier to deal with. I don't have any support from my family, they only want me to be a permaint baby sitter on hand when every they need me, without any complaint from me " after all "they say

    "you're sitting here doing nothing all day".

    Any way your comment means a lot to me, and i can't thank you enough.

    I've had a benefits check , it took three years to get income support, and i get my DLA.

    All my Hugs, Margaret. xx

  • As well as a like button on here , I wish there was a hug button because I think you really need a gentle hug.

    xx

  • i got it anyway, the thought has been enough.

    Margaret xxx

  • I think a lot of us are in the same position. I have just lost my latest partner who triggered a diverticular flare which put me in hospital for 4 days, followed by the fibro and ME attack from hell. I am divorced, regularly hospitalised, never had the time to have kids so am by myself with carers paid for by social services. I have some good friends but it has been hard for them. I dont like to keep putting on them all the time. Most of us were successful, busy, active women who have had our lives ripped from under our feet. You are not alone in this situation. All the women on here are with you, you arent alone in this any more. Huggggssssss

  • Thank you for taking the time to tell me how you are affected with this too.

    Im so sorry for your situation, at least i got the chance to have a family, and i have no right to moan about them.

    I really feel for you and hope you get some respite from hospitals for a little while.

    My thoughts are with you, thank you for your kind thoughts.

    Margaret. x

  • Please dont talk like that it awful to hear you say that you are only 51 you are lovely and you look very young i thought you were about 45 and no i am not just saying it i did.

    anyway it must be awful to live where you are unhappy but for now i guess that is where you have to stay so you must make it yours

    , put your touch on it open up windows let the fresh air in get some pretty curtains either cheap ones or charity shop or car boot in fact jus make it as pleasing to the eye as you can .

    also try to get out everyday even jus up the road so you get to know the faces of people and have a chat with them ,

    i dont know if you have a pet or are allowed but if you are may be an idea to get a little dog or cat i have a little a dog he is my little saviour they give you so much pleasure.

    the other thing is there a club or group you could join to get you out or bingo or could yo volenteer on good days in a shop that would get you out in the community and you would feel so much better in yourself and you never know you may meet the man of your dreams !!!!

    anyway you take care and keep coming on here and we all have days like you are having and at least you can come on here and let it all out take care love to you diddle x

  • Hi diddle,

    What a lovely positive reply thank you so much. I have a dog, a Golden Retriever named BoBo, he is 10yrs old now and suffers daily with his arthritis, we feel each others pain, i also have a cat, Barley she is just under a year old, they keep me smiling though. Bobo has been my backbone for the past five years and i know without him i would not have made it, I can't go to clubs i find it too difficult to get dressed and get out of the house, although i have done at times for short times.

    I just don't want to die alone and unloved, my life was meant to be shared with a partner to give love to and that's all i want. I always was happy that i was a married woman and loved my husband very much.

    I know it's all over, but i just can't see any future for me to find my own happiness.

    Oh god there i go again, im so sorry, i just want to thank you for your support, it means a lot.

    Margaret. xxxx

  • I'm so sorry to read your story inspireme. I can't believe how bad it's been for some. I had a rotten life with my first husband and then had a very selfish second but I still hate to read how people have been treated. My first husband said I was 'putting it on cos I didn't want to work' but that was when I had Glandular Fever many years ago.

    Bit foggy today so can't say what I want to say but I'm sending you big hugs too.

    My life is ok for the time being, we can never be sure what life is going to throw at us though can we.

    Hugs, hope you get some sort of - can't think of the word I want! - from here.

    Sue xxx

  • Hi Sue,

    I feel you're pain today, it is difficult to write when you have the pain and fog dragging you down, i can't thank you enough for taking the effort to send a reply to my moaning, i greatly appreciate how hard it must have been for you and i do understand all the words you were trying to put across to me. Never mind me and my moaning and look after yourself till this passes as we know it will. Do what your body is telling you to and get better soon.

    My hugs to you too.

    Margaret. xxxx

  • hi inspireme2,

    so sorry to hear of your troubles. we all think our problems are horrendous then we read some like you who seems to have had it worse.

    Im so sorry you feel like that, i must admit i do too a lot of the time, but as Helen uk said hope is all we have and we have to hope things will get better.

    I was lucky that my ex husband was understanding and even more so now he has his own illness, but when i left him in 2002 i was homeless with a 11yr old and a 15 yr old and was being put from one place to another until 3yrs ago when the council finally put me in my own house.

    Its not the best area but i am lucky i got great neighbours either side and thats all i need, i dont care about anyone else in the street.

    But although my life has been a rollercoaster (ok down at mo) i can honestly say i have had some good times despite the pain.

    So please think of positive things and as suggested put your stamp on your home. Once i am in my house that is it, its my sanctuary.

    You can always come on here and let out your frustrations we all understand, i sure do as the other ladies can testify lol.

    Hugs to you. xx

  • Thank you so much, i have been here two years now and am only just accepting that i am stuck and have to make the best of it, progress is slow but im trying to think about my house and making it look the way i want, it seems impossible at times but i know i will get there in the end.

    I feel like this is Karma somehow that i have done something to deserve what life has done to me. If it is the price is very high indeed.

    My love and hugs to you, im glad your in a better place now.

    Margaret xxxx

  • Hello Sweetheart.

    I'm so touched to read your story and really feel for you. However, don't ever think that you somehow deserve this horrible illness and the situation it's put you in. I can't imagine that you've ever done anything that would warrant this kind of punishment!

    I really hope you feel the love and support on here for you and realise that you are not alone. I've had some pretty tough times in my life but nothing compares to yours. I think you've done incredibly well to get this far, and with a little help from everyone here, I'm sure you can continue to go from strength to strength.

    As Diddle said, you really don't look your age, so use this to your advantage and get out there and find that special someone! The other thing I would suggest is to find the strength to say 'no' to your family when they want to take advantage of you for babysitting purposes. Don't let them walk all over you and make them understand that you want to be a Grandmother, not a babysitter, and that you are suffering with your condition and not always up to it. I know it's hard but try to stand up for yourself. Just think of how they have treated you and the lack of sympathy, understanding and support they have shown you. Perhaps showing them this site would help them understand the condition a little better?

    Anyway, whatever you decide to do, do it for you.

    Thinking of you and sending you many gentle hugs. You're a very strong and special lady, even if you don't know it yourself!

    xxxx

  • Thank you so much,

    Margaret. xxxxx

  • (((hugs))) to you Sweetheart, I like all the other ladies on here understand fully, never give up you are still and allways will be a very special lady. xxx

  • Oh that's so sweet, thank you very much, is it to much to ask to want to share what life you have and give and recieve love? That seems more important to me, but it seems there's no one to give it too, and i know everyone on here understands how i feel and you have all made me feel so much better during this time of feeling so low.

    Margaret. xxx the hugs are so welcome. xx

  • hello there, you seem to be such a lovely lady with so much to give. Please try to see that you deserve to have a special person in your life. I love to see my community group every Monday,I do community work with lovely people every Monday and they are so loving. Although I am there to help them,they help me more than they will ever know. Why not find some good work to do for others? It takes your mind off your own wprries. It has done wonders for me. Lots of gentle hugs,you are a lovely person,inside and out xxx

  • Thank you, for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. xxxxxxx

  • gentle hugs honey.. how cruel can someone be eh.... people dont get this illness at all.. i feel like u.. sometimes i feel 90 and wish i was, because then i would know i dont have that long to suffer this anymore.. my heart goes out to u xxx

  • I have wished the same too, most days i think well that's another one gone, and count down, you know what i mean!.

    Thank you.

    Margaret. xxxx

  • Aw Inspire, you look and sound like such a lovely woman. You've been treated badly when you deserve to be loved and cossetted as you struggle through each day.

    My situation wasn't the worst, but I had an uncaring husband and coupled with the demands of a job and downturn in already dicky health, I was driven to extremes as the depression nearly took me into the abyss. I wasn't blessed with children and certainly felt hemmed in by where were living. I found the strength to leave the marriage after 20 years. Am now with a wonderful man who is very understanding, caring and protective - something I never thought to have at over 50 yrs of age. Life sometimes gives us unexpected gifts.

    When I've been at my saddest, I've been advised to take one hour at a time and try to find one good thing in your life at that time. By the end of the day, hopefully you'll find you do have some pluses in your life. Don't be hard on yourself. You've got grandchildren. You've got two fur companions. Those are some pluses. Don't give up hope of things changing. I'm glad I hung on. I hope that a good change will happen for you too x

  • I hope so to, but your kind words are apprieciated.

    Margaret xxxx

  • Many thanks for taking the time to reply and i understand what you have said, the support here has been amazing.

    Margaret. xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Having read everyone's pain here I feel mine is so much less. I really feel for you and wish it was possible to give everyone a hug, even those who have just left a comment.

    We are a community here. You have made the first step and you are a valued member. Someone out there could do with some of your love and attention, as everyone says, even for just an hour a month. You have your computer so you have a way to contact local charities. Explain your situation and offer to help - maybe just on line at first - you could even get yourself a job with them.

    I find if I keep myself busy I have less time to sink into depression. I have been struggling to overcome this the past few days and to be honest the sun has played its part. I got out on my mobility scooter yesterday and walked my dog down to the beach and park. I had a picnic and enjoyed it. However, I also know I have not beaten my depression as I keep slipping into it.

    Reading what everyone else has to struggle with makes me ashamed, so I will try harder. You have all inspired me to do this - so there you have already helped someone and that didn't hurt did it? You may fear hurting or being hurt by others as you have been hurt. Not everyone will treat you this way.

    Regarding the grandchildren, I was also treated this way, but actually being able to say no I have plans made them stop and think and now my daughters do not count on me being available, they ask first. However, make the most of your grandchildren as at least you see them. My daughter nearly moved away and I would have seen them every few months! How that would have hurt, especially as me travelling could be a problem. I don't know yet as I have not tried.

    Anyway, less of me and more about you. You are very down at the moment but you have not given up. If you had you would not have put out this call for help. Maybe sift through everyones advice and have a go at something. Which room do you 'live in' the most? Maybe just get one small thing for that room. I know we are not to advertise things on here but look for the charity 'freegle' on line, and I hope I am allowed to mention a charity which links people who have things to give and need things, but I am going to risk it.

    We may not be able to pop round for a cup of tea and give you a hug, but everyone here needs this connection and wants to give each other a hug, so I am sending soft hugs to you now.

    Sleep well tonight knowing you have coped with today. Personally I love that song 'Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow, your always a day away!' even though it brings tears to my eyes everytime, they are tears of hope.

    Sending you hugs and a little bit of hope xx

  • So grateful for your kind words and advice, i don't want to get involved with communities like the ones you have suggested because i am so unreliable and let people down and they don't understand why. My daughter is Moving away too, she is taking my grandaughter and going to live in Austraila she is also going to be taking my new grandchild which is due in June this year as soon as she has recovered from the birth, so i lose more of my family, again, but to make it worse she is having a Holy Communion a Christening and a Leaving party for all this in July which my Husband is going to be attending and the pain of this is overwhelming me right now. I still love my Husband, but he is now with a married woman who we both new and her family dont yet know of this, you see her husband has ill health too and my Husband is a friend of there family, its all such a painful mess, it's been five years since he left me but it still feels like yesterday to me and to see him again will be so painful.

    Thank you for taking the time to send your very welcome thoughts.

    Margaret

  • it never ceases to amaze me what absolulty amazing woman we have on here, what youve been through in you lives is heartbreaking, your better off without the men that walked out on you or didnt understand your illness,its their loss, they didnt deserve you, I hope in the future you all get the love and the luck you all truly deserve

  • Well said Lally!

    It really is uplifting and heartwarming to see how many amazing, strong people are members of this community. I'm so glad I found you all. On my 'good' days I feel a total fraud, and on my 'bad' days the people I can rely on for a boost are all here.

    Hugs to you all. xxxxxx

  • You are never a fraud when you have this illness, and never think that, it doesn't matter to what degree you have the illness the fact is we all suffer at any and all degrees of this.

    With Luv Margaret. xxxxxxxxx

  • hi

    oh bless you m we are all think of you sweet x

  • Thank you sweethart. xxx

  • I think you are amazing and these people, family or not, are losing out. You take care of yourself hon. I think if I was in your situation I would be ripped to shreds! How cruel life can be. I am praying that life turns itself around soon for you and allows you a break and some much needed happiness.

    I too feel a fraud when my illness fades and allows me to live, how easily we forget until we overdo it yet again!

    Soft hugs to you all

  • No i'm not amazing just had loads and loads of bad hands dealt to me in life, but i do appreciate what you have said it means a lot to me, i can't believe the support i have had on here its wonderfull, i wish i had all of you in my life. Thank you all so so much.

  • Well you may not have had us before, but you have us now. So maybe there is a chink of sunshine coming through.

    Soft hugs

You may also like...