making changes

All my life Ive tried to be whatever people wanted me to be , a good daughter a good wife a good mother, I had a very non nuturing childhood, got married at 18,suffered rs of infertility etc and just got on with whatever life threw at me, I never moaned or complained just plodded on, I was an un paid child minder for friends even having 5 kids of me own, I always strived to help anyone,now at the age of 54 Ive come to realise the one person needing my care is me, my friends dont call , my sister Ive seen her once since christmas, seems she forgets how much I helped her with her kids,my hubbys just started his own gardening business, he needs to monies tight,so a word of advise to all on here nurture yourself before its to late, I used to run about like an idiot now i cant really do much, Ill survive but in a differant format, lifes for living

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  • Thats such a shame none of us give to get back but i am like you too i have always been the one if you know what i mean the one everyone turns too , but i am lucky now it is my turn and i need that bit extra help and everyone one of my family and friends are there for me and giving it in all sorts of ways which is lovely it is me who is struggling with it i like to give i hate being the reciever i really feel foryou , you could really do with all their support right now

    well i know i not near to you but here is a big soft hug ( ) and i i hope that soon they realise what they are doing (or not doing) and they give you waht you need love to you diddle x

  • I am in exactly the same situation. The one who ran around helping family and friends. Sorting problems and babysitting. my nephew even stayed with me when my sister was out just for the evening as he liked the fun company.

    friends have now gone and family. I saw no one as I packed up a large house then moved into this flat last week. The past week has been hell recovering and having hours of locking up. Only just stopped walking like a duck as my legs were so badly overworked.Still have the unpacking to do!

    I feel sad for them and sorry that they have no caring heart. I am just as much fun to be with if they would only be a little considerate to visit after 10 am and let me know in advance so I can rest before. I still craft and do lots of stupid thinking!

    I know most on here are having similar issues.

    You are so right we must look after and spoil ourselves. I have a new life here now and if they want to be a part of it they can. I have already made a new friend in the local dentists of a crafter who would like company and maybe catch a coffee locally.

    I hope you too get to make some new friends and have a lovely week while the sun shines x

  • I'm the same, I've always helped my friends and family from decorating to babysitting and loaning them money and giving them lifts in the car (when I worked and had a car) where are they now? nowhere to be seen lol

    My lovely partner helps me and my mother helps when she can, she drives and gives me lifts to doctors and other appointments, my children are no help, my brother is no help, my friends arn't interested anymore because I can't join in with their BBQs and going out, they dont even invite me anymore, Its been 3 years since I got invited to anything and ive been friends with them since I was 7 and dont even know about my diagnosis.

    To be honest I really dont care, I'm better off without most of them, they never believed me anyway. so dont let it get me down :)

    Irene x

  • I knew i would find out who my friends were as i could feel myself getting worse, and i have. My best friend is my sister in law so i am quite lucky to have her and i have one other decent friend, but the rest i am not botherd about, as i still get 'why are you not comming out' I have gave up trying to explain.

    kel xxx

  • ur post sounds like my life.... i have no friends now..... they couldnt understand i looked ok but i was so ill.... hurt at first but realise now.. there loss. xx hope ur ok xx

  • It never ceases to amaze me how similar all our stories are on this forum. We all seem to have the same backgrounds and have now arrived at the same fate. I think it is time we all started putting ourselves first and doing the best for ourselves. Not that I could ever turn down anyone in need cos its not in my nature but as a therapist said to me sometimes it doesn't hurt to say no and put your own needs first.

    I also think that when it is your hour of need you will always meet someone who can help, whether it be for an hour, a day or a lifetime. Keep smiling and be positive! xx

  • Hi lally.I thought I had written that,but forgot,lol.I had a non nurturing childhood too and people have drifted away.Always had to "do" for myself,while "doing" for others as well.I always thought the saying "Look after number one" was a bit selfish, but sod it, Im going to. Pity we cant get the financial help we deserve, due to these silly new government rules. Sending you a big warm comforting hug.x

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