Since my move to my fiancé's home in Southampton a couple of weeks ago I've been feeling pretty positive and even a little energetic.
Today however I've woken up feeling terrible. The thought of the upcoming wedding ( June 6th ) fills me with dread . That's such a horrible way to feel about what should be a happy occasion , but I just don't know if I'm going to be able to cope.
Firstly, it means I have to leave the house and travel the few miles to the registry office , seems simple enough but the agoraphobia has a tendency to flare up when I'm under pressure to be somewhere ( I was supposed to go into town today with my son but couldn't, even though I'd been looking forward to it ). Secondly I have to dress up and make an effort and I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl ( no make up , no fancy nails etc and normally definitely not dresses ! ) . Thirdly I hate being the centre of attention and it's a bit difficult for the bride to fade into the back ground.
Mostly though it's the thought of entertaining guests , the effort that will require and I know having had to leave the house I'll be exhausted . We're on a tight budget so I will have to provide the food and we are having the reception at our home , I can't escape to my bed ! We're only inviting a few close friends and family but even that feels like too much effort
I've been looking forward to marrying my lovely man , but the full picture of how much effort it's going to be has suddenly dawned on me and now I just feel really depressed