to strong

quite frankly...............i just wish i wasnt so strong, why??................. because then i could just.........well simply.........cry!!!! thats all i wana do is cry and yell and rest in bed all day ( which is everything i never do, even on my worst days!) i dont want to have to move and i dont wana have to explain myself. I dont want to have to hide the pain anymore or feel like im being a hypocondriact because people dont understand.........or simply dont want to listen if its not about them.

Im in agony and quite frankly fed up ov feeling like crap day in day out!

I dont know why I find it impossible to show my weakness and admit.......i just dont have the strength..................

aaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

sorry rant over x

23 Replies

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  • T hats all part of the illness we all find it hard to express ourselves I find it

    really hard to say how I feel when people ask and I think it is all in the make

    up of fibro it is not really weakness ilness and very hard to explain when put

    on the spot to explain or trying to put words to how we feel to people who don't

    understand I find my mind goes blank thats why it took 30 years for me to be

    diagnosed.

    its a great tension to me to have to explain it.

    take care Old Before time ( which you are not)

    Brother in Pain

    Rubberman

  • l do all those things that u cant or wont----only because l can now ,after 7 yrs of struggeling .......(wrong spelling l know ,,,,l used to be good at that too).l dont have to make excuses either----mind you it took my poor hubbys' Strokes to put me in this position---- he lost partial sight,ability to read ,partial brain damage...lose of short term memory-------this makes every day seem like Groundhog Day!!!!!

    oh we dont go out ....he hates the wheelchair....an its to heavy for me to push anyway----l get (thats me) 3hrs a week to do what l like,an do u know l really dont know what to do anyway.

    Most days we stay in bed together, shouting at Jeremy KYle,,learning about the great blue oceans of the world....---...it really can be quite nice when my hubby has a good day......FM ....what's that---oh yeah---its that thing l take pills in the morning for---and at night if l remember. l REALLY do have to remember hubbys.

    WE r not old people i'm 59 an he is 60,an our WORLD is mostly our bedroom.....14x 12 of Heaven or Hell depending how l feel.

    SO be careful what u wish for---it might come true.............

  • Thinking of you both and i can undrerstand why you shout at Jeremy Kyle !!!!!!, I hope today your bedroom is a little piece of heaven take care love and soft hugs to you and yours Diddle x

  • im already there hun, my partner has renial failure, diabetes, partially blind, struggles to walk and after his heart attack his health dramatically dropped, he also has few attention issues and He relys on me for everything, but im never able to have a bad day because as soon as i do...............he is ten times worse. i know it sounds awful but he just doesnt know the pain that i am in and that he's not the only 1 struggling (my spellings to pot too) we also live in the bedroom, purely because its to cold for me to sit downstairs (its a big house) i also have a over active bladder so getting up and down the stairs takes its toll and its just easier to stay put (as you know).

    Im 25 years of age and by the time the day is over................i feel like i should be 80, i try my hardest i really do but some times i just wana scream.........................

    i know here everyone is the same, but its the first time i'v been able to be understood........ and its actually nice to let it out (if that makes sense) i really dont mean to sound hard done by x

  • Hi you are probably the same as all of us when people say oh you look ok we just nod but it is difficult to say to people actually and start reeling off whwere all our aches and pains are maybe we should? and if they were true friends and family they would listen and take note of what fibro is love to you x Dididle x

  • Old before time, I could've written that!! You sound exactly like me, I have M.E/CFS as well as Fibro and my hubby and daughter just don't seem to understand! There are many days I need to be in bed or half dead on sofa but if I don't get up stuff don't get done and if stuff don't get done I feel more stressed etc etc

    I wake every morning in soooo much pain I wanted to stay where I am forever but I do find being strong helps ...

    Oh crap I'm waffling

    Hugs and I know how u feel!!

  • Hi, that is exactly how I feel all the time. I think I'm a little bit scared that if for once I do give up and just stay in bed, that I will never get up again!!!

    Take things easy and one little bit at a time, try not to feel guilty about the things you can't do anymore and be thankful for the things you can still manage to do (even if it takes longer)

    Gentle hugs xx

  • oh god love thats how I feel, Im sick of being strong, I dont cry or rant, but do you know what i can feel it brewing up, Im scared of being so ill, I dont want a damn wheelchair and a carer, I want the old me back, Im sick to death of having to fight this illness and then having to fight for a dx and a decent gp, Im sick of people asking me if Im depressed, well I wasnt before all this,

  • tinkz2007 ,that is how I feel,give in and give up ??

  • Its like you are all in my mind i could stay in bed every day but struggle up and face the world its comforting to know i am not alone as i sometimes feel like a freak thanks and keep on fighting.xx

  • hi hun DITO but i find going in to bath room running bath or shower , and having a bloudy good cry then no one sees

  • Hi old before time.

    I am too so strong i hate showing weakness.

    I get angry when i am bad as i feel so mad at this disease from stopping me doing what i need to do.

    My partner tries his best to understand but he just doesnt get it.

    I feel bad for all my daughters as i really try and hide but im not doing a very good job at hiding it now as it is just too much.

    Its good to rant on here, hope you feel a bit better soon.

    kel xxx

  • what can i say but glad you had a rant! we all hear you! and bless you for what you have to deal with a lot more than i do. Jeremy kyle?! omg he has changed since he started even i want to rant at him when i am at home! It is very difficult having to put on that clown face for the world and in doors and inside you suffer!

    you keep ranting and we all keep listening :-) xx hats off to you for what you do as is with your hubby and yourself coping like you do

  • thankyou, thats all i needed to do. I physically care for a few people/family memebers and obviously they all have there own problems and because ours isnt noticable its automatically not there.........so if im ever to complain all i get is, im trying to compete with others or attention seek..........or the big 1........im just being lazy! its just so nice to know i can have a rant and there is others in exactly the same position and feel exactly how im feeling

    xx

  • I was celebrating yesterday because I have been out of hospital so long - it was xmas I was last admited for a diverticular flare. It hospitalises me every couple of months, then I have ME/CFS, Angina and Fibro on top. I was on life support 4 years ago, 3 times they resusitated me and I wish they hadnt bothered. Now I have a Do Not resusitate order. Some days I want to die to end the pain, but each day I wake up I somehow find the strength to go another 24 hours. Do I want to? No, I dont. But it seems I have the strength to fight even though I dont want it

  • Aww julieru,

    Sorry i had to write something.

    I too have cfs/me aswell as fibro and i do have somedays when i think to myself i cant take this pain no more, i know exactly where you are comming from hun.

    Are you on any medication to help you?

    My heart goes out to you.

    Big gentle hug for you.

    kel xxx

  • I take morphine and antispasmodics to control the diverticular disease, ACE inhibitors for angina and 1200mg gabapentin to control the fibro. Rattle like a tin half the time. Still doesnt keep it under control, but keeps the pain at a level where I can survive but not function. If they gave me enough to take the pain away I would be knocked out

  • wow..............and i thought i was strong xx <3 xx

  • No, no family. My mum told me when I was on life support if anyone asks how you are, just smile and say fine, because no one is interested and no on really cares. I have 3 care calls a day to get me up, washed, dressed and fed. Anything else is a bit of a bonus

  • thanks everyone,

    I just really needed to let off some steam to people who actually understand.

    I've had a really good day today actually................iv managed to walk a whole 2 miles in one go!! although im laid up in bed now as im typing this! but im planning on doing the ''run for life'' this may so gota start sometime!!! :-)

    iv managed to steal a day for 'me' so im just going to try and have a little pamper and sleep.

    keep on ranting everyone and keep strong, it was nice to know i took the words out ov quite a few mouths, just wish i coud take away everyones pain!

    sending everyone...........The strength to cry

    The strength to try

    The strength to laugh

    The strength to love

    The strength to cope

    The strength to hope

    The strength to one day

    fly!!

    BIg but soft hugs! your all truly amazing :-) xx

  • ahhhhh so lovely ! we just have to have the strength! :-) it is sites like this that really help too. x

  • the poem is lovely and thank you for thinking of everyone on here even when you feel low yourself. thats what this group is about, every helps eachother. Rant, cry, throw pudding at the walls - whatever works for you, and never ever ever think you are alone out there, because everyone on here loves you and will support you

  • No doubt about it - we do put a face on - It was only rescently when leaving the surgery my doctor asked me if I done this. Without even having to think I said yes it is how I cope with my life. Seems like we are all rowing the same boat.0 Can be a lonly world at times.

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