Does difficult family discussions bring on flares

[Golfer15]

I have just had a week away with family. We had quite a heated talk about inheritance. My parents haven't died but they are selling their house and moving in with my sister. The talk has really upset me, basically to do with how we share the money from selling my parents house ie. My inheritance. I'm not looking for advice on money but could this sort of talk bring on a flare as I feel terrible. I'm aching all over and got no energy. If anybody has any advice on money that would be good but I'm looking for advice on flares. Thank you

[honeybug]

Hi Golfer15 😊🤗

I’m so very sorry to hear about your unpleasant and stressful experience. 🤗

Stress is a big flare inducing factor. Inheritance discussions/screaming matches are huge stressors on families. I was very close to our neighbors and they went through the screaming matches that split up the family. The parents passed and decades later it’s still such a devastating ordeal that has really destroyed a once close knit family.

This kind of stress pushes our fight or flight button and will cause major flares in most people.

It would be best and truly fair if every family would equally divide the monies from an inheritance…would be great if your parents had a Will/legal paper doing just that so the family won’t have any unfair advantage over anyone involved.

I’m truly sorry you are having to go through this. I just said a special prayer for you and this situation.

Try having an Epsom Salts soak in a tub full of warm water for 15 minutes. Should help with body aches. Talk with your GP and ask for a Rx that will help reduce the anguish you’re feeling. Take frequent rests as needed. You can’t change your siblings all you can do is give yourself some much needed TLC during this difficult time.

Best wishes for a good outcome my friend.

Love and prayers

EJ 😊🤗♥️🥰🙏🕊🌿🌸🦋💧🌈☀️

[Scatty27]

As honeybug says any stress physical or mental can bring on a flare up. I would try and appreciate your parents whilst you have them around and not focus on ‘your entitlement’ It’s still your parents money to use how they wish.

[Fibro1966]

Any stress related arguments or emotional trauma will definitely light the fuse to a fibromyalgia flare up & I know this all to well.Fibromyalgia as you know attacks the complete central nervous system & simply the brain cannot cope with this.

[Blearyeyed]

Simple an answer is Yes.Difficult conversations and arguments are one of the worst forms of Negative Stress in a social or work setting and even a 5 minute clash can bring on a flare.

Negative Stress= Negative Emotions/Activities= Tension= Fight or Flight Responses = Flare.

Fun stuff is still Stress too which is why a trip away or coffee with friends needs pacing too.

Positive Stress= Positive Emotions= Overactivity= Fight or Flight response = Flare

Add in the fact that you were away for the week , even if you were staying in familiar surroundings like your family home you and doing enjoyable things as well your brain and body will have already been experiencing different types of Stress, both positive and negative, which will have made you more vulnerable to a flare as well.

Hope you have chance to have a few days rest and recuperation and that things were settled so that you can put thoughts about it to the back of your mind.

Try to relax and distract your mind and your body will follow.

Take care , Bee

[Nipper11]

Your talks are very close to your heart, and therefore, your stress levels are emotional ones that will affect you . You're more likely to feel some symptoms linked to your fibromyalgia. Your mindset has been focused on dealing with a very difficult situation. Because I am not sure of the full story behind your inheritance, it is hard to advise you, Wisley.Surely the sale of your mum and dad's house should go to them while they are alive and for their further care .

Money is never something you wanted to take over the relationships in families, but sadly, it can. My advice to you would be to keep your emotions on the focus of your mum and dad's happiness in the end there welfare is key. The money could be controlled by a solicitor or power of attorney to ensure it handled correctly for all famly members.

The tasks ahead are difficult ones so take care, don't weight yourself down to much or your fibromyalgia will kick in big time. If you want to have more advise on the money speak to citizens advice you can book to speak to a solicitor for free for a short period of time . Look after you health . Hopefully your situation will improve. Good luck and take care big hugs. Xxx

[SweepSooty]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time at the moment but as others have said try to appreciate your parents while you can. I lost my mum last July and every day since my pain levels have gone through the roof, I'm finding grief very hard to deal with but the thing that keeps me going is my Dad, who I live with, I am thankful for every day he is still here, and meaning I also lost my only brother everything will go to me. I hope you can find peace in your situation.

[Judithdalston]

unfortunately I can sympathise with you: my fibro is worse when bad emotions have kept my brain going, interrupted already poor sleep etc etc. My in-laws made poor decisions with their wealth/ future inheritance that alienated their sons. I went down the Power of Attorney route for my mother which did mean I conscientiously kept proof of all her and my spends, but my sibling ( the other attorney) didn’t ! But PofA might be a way forward to see for eg the likes of monthly ‘rent’ your parents will give your sister so you formalise where money( both siblings’ inheritance) goes. It is a hard discussion, mine was made easier as although my mother continued to live in the family home she was not mobile nor could she have phone conversations so it was impossible to deal with anyone from Utilities, banks, council etc without having PofA to speak on her behalf… your sister will take on some of these rolls obviously.