Job loss

[Mystique23]

Hi I have reached the point now that I may soon be asked to leave my job due to medical grounds and the liability I pose to myself and others whilst in my post.

I am being referred to OH for 3rd time and am currently waiting on appt.

After my supervision last week to discuss my return to full shifts. I have just returned back to work after 2 months of due to grief and fibro flare.

I lost my brother 27th Dec and I saw him daily for the last year whilst he was in the care home. And although expected it still has hit me hard. I'm trying to stay strong to support my parents but my fibro is the worst it has ever been since my diagnosis.

So OH and Dr said fit to return to work but on shorter shifts so for last 4 weeks have been doing 4 hrs shifts.

I work with children with complex needs and challenging behaviour, so it's a full on position.

I have enjoyed being back at work but due to doing the shorter shifts I'm having to work more days in a row to get my correct hours in.

So normally would be two days together but now 4 days. I'm exhausted physically and mentally the pain is out of this world and I've had to max out on all my pills.

So in my supervision I said that I felt the 4 hour shifts did not work but I was worried about doing a 8 hr shift as I felt that I was a liability to my colleagues as if a child was to display challenging behaviour, I would not be fast enough to

1 - come to colleagues aid

2- be fast enough to move and protect myself if said child targeted me

3- be able to move my child safely and quickly to prevent them from being hurt.

I feel like I am a burden to my team and that they are carrying me.

My boss agreed but said that as OH last time said I was fit to work on reduced shifts, with adjustments so I did not work with challenging children then their hands were tied.

So by referring me back to them they can see what else can be done.

In my gut I feel that it's time and it's inevitable.

I'm scared about the impact financially but am trying not to worry about it as its out of my control.

I have made an appointment with a local charity that does an income maximisation look at uour finances and ensures that you are claiming for everything that entitled to so hopefully by putting this all in place now if/when it happens at least hopefully I have already implemented a plan.

Has anyone gone through similar? How do you cope emotionally knowing that you can no longer do the career you love.

For me that's the hardest thing, all I've ever known is the caring profession and caring for others.

Thank you.

[Smiler69]

Hi Mystique,

I hope you are feeling well today? I completely understand how you feel. I was a nurse for 35 years , I absolutely loved my job but due to my Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid arthritis and everything that goes with it I had to give it up. At first I was very sad 😞 and cross with myself because I couldn’t do my job. I now have a new job in a Drs surgery as a receptionist. I love it and I am very very happy, but due to circumstances I have recently had Covid and a chest infection and I have been off work for a month, I’m due to go back tomorrow on a phased return, I’m still not right , what would you do ? Should I go in or stay off a bit longer. Xx

[Mystique23 in reply to Smiler69]

Thanks for your reply. It's so hard to know when to return. I only returned because I was only worried about going down to half pay as I did not know how much time I had left at full pay.

You need to ensure the phased return suits you and allows you to ease in gently to see if you are ready. Wishing you all the best.

[alihetherington in reply to Smiler69]

Stay off a bit longer!! ... you should always try to give them at leat 48hrs notice in future though as nothing annoys managers off more than having to cover you last minute [ even though i would already have a plan ' b ' if i was dealing with a chronically sick employee ] anyway hope youre recovering now xxx

[CheetieCat]

Hi, I can totally get how you're feeling, I work in social care myself and I know I'm definitely not as fast as I used to be and it is exhausting!

Just wondering though if there might be an option for you to step up into a less hands on role, possibly some working from home & more office based?

You will obviously have a wealth of transferable skills. Knowledge and experience that can only be obtained through actual hands on working, so in my opinion you are a valuable resource that they would be extremely foolish to let go of too easily.

I do hope you can continue in some form that works for you with help from OH. Please let us know and best of luck! 😊

[Mystique23 in reply to CheetieCat]

Hi thanks for replying. It would be good if I could do a less hands on.

My boss tried before to get me in as her PA but was told by HR that I was support worker not a PA and so could not do that.

I am wondering though if I could do a few school morning shifts instead and then make up remaining hours with paperwork . That way I still hands on for an hour etc to get them up and ready for school.

I'm only 16 hours a week now so maybe a possibility but not sure how would work during school holidays when we have kids in all day.

My boss said that my skills regarding paperwork, organisational skills etc are excellent and my skills at engaging with the children is one of the best she has seen.

So I know that they are trying hard but end of the day it's not down to them completely.

So I can mention that to OH and see if it's an option. A happy compromise maybe.

I know my colleagues moan about not having time to update care plans and write there reports etc so maybe it's something I bould take on. Who knows and if it could be from home at least I know I can move about how and when I need to. Definitely going to ask.

[fmlife]

firstly may i send condolences to you, grief hits the fibro at the cellular level.

I can understand your issue and your thoughts regarding child in your care.

as your qualified in this area, is it possible for your employer to create a position to become a training person, or assessor of the adult, of the job are doing now.

Hope all goes well with the meeting and the outcome you wish to happen.

gentle hugs.

[Delilahmy]

my thoughts are with you and condolences for your loss xxx grief is so awful to bear. I’ve been through a similar work situation and was off for 16 months going through the OH meetings for my nursing job. Although they were very supportive and tried to find a route back to work for me …. I never felt well enough to even do the phased return. I was retired on ill health …. It was a relief and eventually I could stop finding a way back. The obvious financial change and lifestyle etc has been very difficult to come to terms with. I am still on the bank /agency but don’t feel well enough to go there. I’m sorry if this is not helpful to hear …. The one thing that was better for me was that I was no longer trying to find a way back to work and putting that pressure on myself. - which in itself was making me feel dreadful. I wish you all the best xx gentle hugs

[Gigiruth]

Hi Mystique23You clearly love your work, challenging behaviours can have an impact on us with the fight,flight and freeze response. Clearly in your current role you make a difference and your manager wanted to give you a PA role because you are effective.

You value making a difference to others.

You have a wealth of experience and transferable skills.

I left a challenging role after over 40 years and now do a helping role.

My fibro symptoms are more under my control. My work is just as meaningful.

You have incredible skills.

Look after you.

Gigi

[Blondie78]

Hi x

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, that must’ve been awful to go through.

I wholeheartedly understand where you’re coming from about your job situation…I could have literally written the same word for word. I’m about to have a stage 3 sickness meeting as I have been on a phased return to work also with adjustments to my working days but this meant I worked 5 days in a row albeit shorter shifts. The pain has been unbearable to the point I had to go off sick last week to recover. There has been a mention of me retiring on medical grounds but I’m only 44 and recently been separated from my husband of over 20 years and now a single parent. It’s very scary as I have no idea how this will work out financially, but I guess it will be taken out of my hands as i physically can’t do the job I’m in now (I’m a nurse, so also in the caring profession) It’s been my life for over 20 years and I didn’t see this coming at all.

I hope you get some good advice and support and whatever the outcome for you, I hope you feel better soon xxx

[Mystique23 in reply to Blondie78]

It is scary but I'm trying to stay positive because yes financially it may be a struggle but I feel that not feeling guilty about being a burden to the team, not feeling guilty cos I need to go off sick again and not having that pressure to perform will be beneficial to me as worrying about all of that must impact on my fibroas well as life stress outside work. I can only hope that in the bigger picture it will be the better thing for me.

I hope you get the support you need too.

Sometimes life just feels like an endless circle of pain, guilt more pain on and on. Occasionally you get that glimmer of hope through it all and it helps you endure the constant cycle. It may be just a glimmer but sometimes that's all that's needed, just that to remind you it's not all bad .

Let's all just keep hoping to catch that glimmer xx

[Blondie78 in reply to Mystique23]

aww yes, let’s hope we get there x

Good luck x

[Turquoisesummer]

Yes, I've been through similar and I understand how you must feel and I'm really sorry (and sorry for the loss of your brother😞❤). I've had 4 years off all up in the past 6 years since I started having fibro symptoms and now I've been off for almost 2 yrs straight. I worked with kids with challenging behaviors too and loved it (teaching, and youth work when I was too sick to teach). It has been heartbreaking and very hard to deal with and I feel like I lost part if my identity and also have struggled financially and have felt hopeless and worried about my future. I'm 34 and I had to move back in with my mother who is 69 and it doesn't feel good. I feel like things like grief and stress impact forbi symptoms in a big way. I hope you find ways to manage and cope well with whatever happens❤ I met a couple at my local church whose daughter has fibro bad enough that she's on disability pension, too. Until know I hadn't met any people my age with fibro. Wishing you the best💓

[SlothMode]

Hiya Mystique,

I read your post n it took me back to 2011 when I was working n lost both my dad n my big sister. That was what triggered my fibromyalgia. I lost my job as my Dr signed me off for neurosurgery. My work treated me like I was a problem they needed to get rid of. After I recovered from my op I was retired due to long term health conditions. I found the whole process devastating. I shed a tear for u as it’s a horrible process they use. So I really feel your pain. I’m so sorry for your loss n I just want u to know once u get through this stress u will be able to concentrate on your fibro. Gentle hugs 🤗😊