Is it time to put the Christmas tree up yet?

[TheDrivenSnow]

Just trying to find ways of coping with extreme pain, loss of mobility and general decline caused by breast cancer that has now (third cancer diagnosis) spread to the bones and bone marrow and has been prognosticated as being terminal and incurable. Little gestures, minor pleasures, a feeling of 'Hygge' (a Scandinavian, virtually untranslatable term denoting comfort, contentment, wellness and cosiness) - these are now more than coping mechanisms, they are a way of life deemed unambitious and pointless by many (usually by the able-bodied - funny that), yet the only way of life I now know. Am I alone in my thinking?

[Country-gal]

Hi your not really alone. I am a cancer survivour. I was very ill as well but I was stage 1 so not as bad . Sorry to hear about your not feeling great. What I found that helped was doing the little things that made me happiest. I still do those. Things due to pain. Do what ever you want to do to make it better for your self. But remember your never alone in any of this. There are many that are similar to you. Some just want to wallow in it though. Sounds like you don't. I don't know what you believe in but if it be a higher being ( aka God) then hang onto him . He's always here for us. Don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it here but that's also what helped me. Do what you gotta do. Your friend Country gal

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to Country-gal]

We all find our haven in the end. Mine seems to be focused on home and hearth and just putting one foot in front of the other (metaphorically speaking, not so good at it it in real terms!) I'm so frustrated because after two cancer diagnoses and a family history of metastatic, terminal breast cancer, my medical caregivers failed to spot the signs and join the dots and instead of investigating my new symptoms holistically, they looked at each new manifestation in isolation and told me I had - variously - fibromyalgia, a frozen shoulder and a slipped disc. Turns out I had none of those. Just the big C for the third time. And because they dithered for two years, there's now nothing they can do.

[Lemur789]

My best friend died due to terminal breast cancer when she was 40, 14 years ago. I suggest that you do whatever you want to do. Ignore anyone who says anything against it or you, they have not lived in your shoes. You are not alone; try getting in touch with support groups Via social media and local library, CAB, local radio etc. Hang on in there and if suffering from pain or depression etc bother your doctor or consultant firmly until you get the help you need. Good luck and best wishes

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to Lemur789]

Thank you. I have been trying to make my voice heard for over two years (since the time the cancer started to spread but they failed to make the connection and pronounced my cancer-free!) I am now frustrated and angry but realise that bitterness is not how I want to live out the time I have left. I am receiving support from Macmillan and the CAB (although they managed to screw up a PIP application). I seem to have some sort of medical-centric appointment most days and have realised that I do better when I don't have to focus on all that but can turn my attention to the things that actually bring me comfort (my family, children, dogs, home, peripheral work...) What is holding me back is pain and lack of mobility. I am not a wallower, but I am being driven to wallow only because I have lost my independence.

[KateMaguire]

No life is pointless-if you are embracing the little things in life that make you happy then surely that is a good thing? I too am a lover of hygge and I too find that able bodied people tend to tell me how much better I will feel when I stop lying around the house and get out in the fresh air and exercise-you carry on snuggling my friend. Gentle hugs.xx

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to KateMaguire]

Just as soon as the pain abates and the mobility returns... xx

[KateMaguire in reply to TheDrivenSnow]

At least you are starting to think about it, I think you are doing wonderfully well. Xx

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to KateMaguire]

You are so very kind. I am driven to gentle tears. With gratitude xx

[Midori]

Well, Halloween is now over, and Diwali, too early for easter eggs, and I reckon with your diagnoses, that anything you fancy will do very well, thank you. Make yourself happy and anyone who says different can take a hike!

Why worry about what anyone else thinks; Your life, your rules Go for it!

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to Midori]

And we realise we have just this one life when it comes to the crunch. My appetite has gone completely with the chemo, else I'd be indulging in cake and chocolate as per. That would be some small solace! xx

[AllthatGlitters]

Do what’s right for you as other people’s opinions don’t matter 💖x

[TheDrivenSnow in reply to AllthatGlitters]

I have visions of wearing my glad rags and high heels again, going out and being carefree and fleet of foot. A distant dream atm. But without hope, even that dream would fade. That would be tragic. xx

[AllthatGlitters in reply to TheDrivenSnow]

Stay positive, I know it’s hard. Do whatever makes you feel good xx

[TheDrivenSnow]

I have learnt to streamline and get rid of what matters not a whit (to me)! It keeps me sane (but sadly doesn't help with the pain).

[bobbybobb]

I am sorry for your prognosis. It is difficult to know what to say. I would want to scream and shout and make those accountable for the mistakes they made. I think you are brave to post and tell us all something very personal and deep that is happening to you. It's the little gestures and minor pleasures that make every day worthwhile because they are unique to us and the special people around us who appreciate and remember them. I'm more of a half glass full person. I'd have the biggest xmas tree, with the biggest fairy in my front garden and a big 50ft santa stuck to the front of my house. Sending you warm wishes.x