A poem to strike a cord

I wrote this over a number of weeks to try an bring to life my emotions and explain to those who think 'well he looks ok'. It's my first attempt but hopefully it will strike a cord with many of you xx

My life through my eyes and the recent demise of the life I once new and not knowing what to do,

I go to uni to try and improve me, but on graduation no one will persue me, not for poor grades or because im too old, but because of this evil running through me,

I feel like a fraud and a drain on resources but I can't fight alone against these incredible forces,

A 14 hour day for a generous pay, self sufficient and resourceful, its left me remorseful for ruining my health, while enjoying the wealth.

Wrapped up in my families love I wish I could fly like the preverbial dove,

Soar through the clouds with elegance and ease my life through my eyes with this terrible disease

Using a stick makes me shy away, but what to do now I have to use a chair everyday, my head is in turmoil at how I've become, knowing there is nothing that can be done,

My life through my eyes what more can I say, the fun has gone where once shone the sun there's only cloud where joy was won.

Embroiled in this life with fog on the brain, the doctors look on with dismay and disstain, they need to understand that when I'm in pain, it's a physical condition and not just a product of a warped brain.

Neurology is like sofology not sure what you mean, but to me it's a disease that no chair can ease,

I lye in my bed day after day, my wife fulfilling my role and I wonder, why does she stay?

I hate this disease in every way because its taken the father I once was away.

It hurts me to see my son play, and I dream as if I could join him one day, the reality is, this disease has taken.... all I once was far far away,

The disease through my eyes that's all I can say. Apart from I know it hurts you to see me this way.

I pray for the Lord to help me along the way, but I know this disease is his way, of punishing me for what was done along the way,

Carmas a bitch I here them say

So punish me and not my wife, as she didn't choose this life. One with fun and hope and glory but with this disease that's another story.

The disease through my eyes that's all I can say. Apart from I love you in every way xxxxx

[Garden987]

Your message was very moving and I emphasise with you. ITs a nasty illness and Infeel robbed of the life I once had. Wish I could say something positive for you other than to say I hold you and bless and pray for you "who ever "God" is. We have a bit of a battle going on here but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts. Mary

[Hidden in reply to Garden987]

Thanks for the comments, we all try to stay positive but it hard sometimes. X

[Pips04]

That’s one very powerful and extremely sad insight into the life you had and now have, it’s also very touching. You’ve managed to put into words what this dreadful disease does to us. I thank you for that, and if ok I would love to use it with my friends and family. You should consider writing a short story (with spell proof !) it’s a healthy way to deal with your feelings of pain and help others as well love Pip x

[Hidden in reply to Pips04]

Thanks for the comments, feel free to use or adapt at your leisure. It was a sense of relief putting it into words and emotional reading it back x

[Pips04 in reply to Hidden]

It’s very emotional to read and if I could embrace you I would, are you getting medication to deal with all this ? is there anything you need that you are not getting? We all know that our condition/ illness is not taken as seriously as it should be so perhaps you could explore what you’ve written via local surgery, your doctor, your friends it could help to raise awareness of the condition to help people understand because so many of them do not. Mind yourself Pip x

[mattoid-mags]

Hi Desperatedad,

That is a great way of dealing with your emotions, and tells the story of how your conditions have taken their toll on you and your family.

Very well written.

I have found that for me personally, writing poetry is my way of getting it all out there as I'm not that great at expressing myself verbally.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us because I know it's not an easy thing to do.

I used to write a lot but haven't for a while.

You have inspired me to put pen to paper, so to speak, once more.

Wishing you well,

Mags.

[M0AL61 Moderator Volunteer]

A very emotional and thought provoking poem.

[caninecrazy]

an emotional but so very true poem. sadly i know how you are feeling as you have explained exactly how i am feeling. sending you a hug x

[Hidden in reply to caninecrazy]

Thanks a lot, every little helps on these sleepless nights x