I need advice

[Suziebee71]

Hi I’m suzie, I’m 47 and I have fibromyalgia, joint hyper mobility, and have severe depression, I have recently broke up from a marriage of 10 years and we have been together 19 years , I have only recently known what he was doing was emotionally abused. This has given me severe depression as it’s has taken its toll on my health, , I work for him still , this I want to change, as seeing him hearing from him is not helping, I’m only on the lower rate for pip and with my part time wages and some housing benifit I can pay my rent and I’m having trouble making ends meet , my pip is due for renewal In 2021 , since taking it I have had other illnesses come up that I think contributes to me and being able to keep working, also stress makes it so much worse, yet I look well and I try to keep up as I was brought up to be a strong working woman, the thought of doing the paperwork and the interview again feels me with dred , what would you advise , I read up on esa and even that was bad enough as I push myself through the pain , maybe others wouldn’t, so I fail on their tests , this illness has cost me very dearly, my marriage, my home , my job , and still it keeps taking, this is what I imagine death to be like but quicker , rhemo at hospital they are talking of putting me on dmard (hydroxychloroquine )again -last time I was in bed 90% of the time , this is not how I imagined my 40’s to be alone and in pain 24/7

[Al10]

It's pretty tough hey? Lots of us push every day, every minute, until we can't. Is it physical or mental? Perhaps it's a bit of both. I think even when folks have given up working they try to keep going but when they can't it looks like they are not making the required effort. Each of us are where we are and I don't doubt each of us are doing our best but even so we get judged, partners leave, employers get fed up with us failing, friends fall away, we lose and keep losing and still folks will pick fault at how others better would make the effort to keep going. When you give your job up take a tip and have the next one lined up else like so many others you will be a lazy fibro not making the effort. New employers may be dubious taking on someone with fibro, and not mentioning you have issues can see you soon let go. You have a rubbish condition that folks will dismiss as nothing but you making a fuss. Yay for fibro. Good on you leaving an abusive relationship. That is tough for anyone to do.

[Pjik in reply to Al10]

U r so right

[Pjik in reply to Pjik]

Ty

[Suziebee71 in reply to Al10]

Thanks for your reply, yes it’s so true , I think the depression is not helping either,

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hello Suziebee71 welcome to the group.

I am so sorry you find yourself in such an horrible situation. Sadly it's a road many have walked due to this awful illness.

I see you have not locked your post. You may wish to do this now and for future posts for privacy reasons has you have put out some private information in your post. Locking your post keeps what you say private to this group only and will not be open to the search engines. If you want to lock it this link will show you how

healthunlocked.com/fibromya...

I am also going to add another link you may find helpful. Janet is our benefits advisor I'm sure she would be able to answer any questions you may have on your income and benefits concerns. I hope this helps a little.

healthunlocked.com/fibromya...

Please continue to post I'm sure you will find the members support and understanding second to none. 🤗🤗

If you need help locking this post or anything else please just ask xx

Momo

[YASMINTINA FMA UK Volunteer]

Hi there, I am very sorry to read about what has happened , you have walked away and in time you will realise you are a strong woman that does not want to be with someone that is not willing to be supportive and being emotionally abusive which has took its toll. I can see dizzytwo has sent you a helpful link but it’s worth getting advice to see if getting help through some benefits as constantly pushing yourself is flaring up all your conditions. Have you a family member or close girlie friend who is not attached to your ex in anyway that might just be that shoulder to lean on ?? Have you seen your doctor /practice nurse for a chat , they are there to help with the depression even if it’s something temporary to get you through , so many myself included has had to ask for help to overcome depression, there is no shame in this at all, people from all walks of life will have been down this route and come out the other end in a better place. Because this is recent it’s early days but I’m wishing you well , get the right help , few baby steps at a time, and you can gradually get yourself to a better place . Take care x

[ruthiepooh]

Hi Suziebee71, I'm sorry your going through such a hard time. I know how hard it is dealing with the benefit system when you are suffering with severe depression and fibro and other illnesses. Do you have a friend or close family friend who can hold your hand and help you apply for PIP and ESA. I feel you are probably entitled to more benefit than you are getting but understand you may feel this is to stressful. Whatever you decide you need to not be so hard on yourself and be honest about how Fibromyalgia etc is affecting you when filling in benefit forms and when talking to family and friends. Well done for working this long with such horrible illnesses. I understand how you feel as I am 47 and didn't expect my 40's would be like this either!! Hope you get everything sorted so you can cope with all your health problems Take care xx

[Hidden]

You have to put you first now,goto your Dr &tell them everything they'll give you sick note to give you time to think

[rach1402]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much and life has been so unkind to you. You ARE a strong woman, that's why you reached out for support when you needed it instead of letting it consume you completely. It's understandable that you try to push on through because that's what society expects from you but you are ill, albeit with invisible conditions, so you need to pace yourself. I agree with the previous post advising you to get another job lined up before leaving your current job but I would make that a priority if I were you because if your ex is abusive and he's your boss he's still going to be controlling you and that's no good for your health, especially your depression. You haven't mentioned medication, have you talked about it with your doctor? It's not a sign of weakness, it's just a necessary evil and the right medications can help you to manage your symptoms a lot. After all, nobody would expect somebody with bad eyesight to be able to do everything they need to do without glasses. The glasses don't make the problem go away but they help the person wearing them to adapt to their world around them and perform tasks they wouldn't otherwise be able to perform, this is no different. I hope the advice you've been given here on all the replies you've received will give you a starting point to make the best of what seems like a hopeless situation right now. Take care, I wish you all the best x

[zepo]

suziebee71 - I have just join this forum because it finally registered with me that Fibro symptoms are the same as underactive Thyroid (hypothyroid). My Thyroid test came back with normal TSH and my GP said that NHS won't check any deeper with that result. However, apparently one can have normal TSH and yet other aspects related to Thyroid can be low/high and cause our symptoms. I am about to get myself tested privately via an online laboratory to see if I do indeed have Thyroid issues. Perhaps you could join the Thyroid forum in this group?!

Re: PIP - I have been told that once we are in the system that the renewal is easier and we don't have to sit through another assessment, but just fill in a form to say that nothing has changed. I hope that is right as mine ends in 18 months.

Good luck.

[releasethemagic]

You need to make an appointment to see Citizens Advice Bureau to check you are getting everything you may be entitled to, such as Working Tax Credit. They will check everything for you.