This is my first post to the site. I do read the daily posts from a quiet distance and find it comforting having a familiar subject of discussion. For the past few years I have been told I have Fibromyalgia. I have been prescribed a whole host of medication and sometimes am not wholly sure what day it is to be honest! Not that I am complaining because sometimes its nice to float through a day or two.
I find it very hard to discuss my condition with my family and friends as I feel a bit of moaner and a groaner, so I don't. However, I would love to be able to tell some days that I hurt right down and through into my core, that I cant string two thoughts together or that my body wont coordinate very well, that I cant feel my arms or legs or that they wont go in the direction I'm asking them to! But again I feel a moaner.
When I get time where no one else is around I cry a lot and feel silly for crying. The doctor has prescribed me yet another tablet! I don't want it. I now feel like I am defined by a condition, rather than just being me.
I do read the posts on here all the time and I feel you, each and every one.
I have always worked (just upped the meds and at times needed a little time off here and there) , I have just competed a BA with Honours (by blood, sweat and tears!) and am in the process of starting my own business.
As the face of something very positive I smile and laugh and always will for the good of what I am trying to do.
But underneath I feel very lonely and isolated by feelings I am not in control of and I suck them up until I need a quiet space, just me.
I have a good life, a loving family, a beautiful child, I try to throw glitter at rainy, cold, low, hot, painful, emotional, foggy, damn right confused, uncoordinated days and have developed a bit of an addiction to Chai tea!
Although I am quietly fogged (playing the scatty one, the clumsy one and the vague one!), rather than just telling people, I try to hold onto the good and notice the small things in life that make me smile.
I am just sending a BIG BIG tub (shakey or straight up pour out) of glitter to you all today, to throw in the face of a bad day when you need it.
Shiny always makes things look brighter.
Stay well, look after yourselves, chuck it when you need it