Fibromyalgia Action UK
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esa query

i have recently moved in with my girlfriend but also stay with my parents. i spoke to the d.w.p.they said i have to sleep at a address 5 nights a week to claim benefit from that address its in possible to say were or how many nights i ail be in-between addresses i would be making a fresh claim every week bearing in mind theres always a forty minute wait on the telephone or more and also calls are not free. my partner owns there property and also has savings of which i have no knowledge of and do not wish to no as it is none of my business and i'am sure they would be reluctant to tell me there private affairs does this mean i can not have a realonship. imagine meeting some one and saying how much is your mortgage and how much savings you got and how many other assets you have how much you earn a month. ???????? can someone tell me away round this invasion of another persons private affairs .

7 Replies

Just say you spend five night at your mums and dads nooooooo probs

1 like

Hi there

Welcome to the Fibromyalgia Support forum :)

It would be nice to know some more about you. When were you diagnosed with Fibromyalgia?

I think the best thing you can do is speak to your local CAB to ask your question.

They are very knowledgeable about benefits.

Wishing you much peace

Lu x


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Hello stevenj and a warm welcome to our friendly fibro forum where you can find advice, support, help and understanding. If you go to our mother site you will find plenty of information abour fibro including guides and links, one of which is to our Benefits Adviser Janet.

You have not said if you have fibro, are you still waiting a diagnosis?

I am afraid I cannot answer your query fully, perhaps make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

However, if your are having a serious relationship, then being open about money is one of those things you talk about surely? It should not mean you are being nosy, just comfortable about each others financial affairs. Your partner need not tell you the exact amount, you only need to know if it is more than six thousand, which would affect your benefit if you are sharing a house for four or more nights a week.

Hope this helps and we see you joining in around the forum in future.



If they want to make it that confusing then say 5 nights at parents and leave it at that, hope you sort it out, there rules seem so unfair xx


Hi stevenj

I sincerely hope that you are feeling as well as you possibly can be today? Welcome to the forum and it is wonderful to make your acquaintance.

I think I have to agree with your other respondents and tell them that you stay five nights a week at your mum and dads. Then seek some professional advice from the CAB? The system is really complicated I know!

I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please take care of yourself my friend.

All my hopes and dreams for you


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It's tricky. They ask you for the truth and the truth changes day by day hour by hour. I agree, it's not your business to ask your girlfriend about her financial affairs. In time, likely you will each want to share. Are you sure you are moved in or just staying over with maybe your own drawer, because it's nice and easier than going home after your dates? The first step to moving in proper? See how it goes spending more time together? If you get serious then yes, you need honesty and sharing, but only when you are ready, step by step.

During this stage, you probably need to say you live with your parents. That is your home. Your girlfriend can turf you out on a whim. You stay with her permission. With your parents they (likely) will keep you through thick and thin and have you back. Your post is safe and accessible there and not dependent on if you are still dating! That is their commitment to you as their son.

Some people, if they need to live truthfully, go home before morning and eat breakfast there. Could be a bit yuck?

It's an intrusion and tricky for people to have real relationships under these rules. I always think, who would want someone dependent? But that's my insecurity about myself. Who would want the DWP going through their lives too? I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm judging myself less. Don't forget if you have a partner then ESA WRAG rules means if you have a partner, you will be means tested on household income and savings after a year. If you don't recover and can't work, you could be expected to live off your girlfriend! There are many people living with no income of their own, just what a spouse or partner might provide. I can't imagine being so dependent on somebody's good will. I wonder how many vulnerable people have no life of their own because of these rules? That would scare me. Support Group is different but at each assessment the group could change. Your need for support is a horrid conversation for you to consider having. Your choice entirely but until you are both sure, I'd keep it simple. Mum's the word.


thanks all for response. but my partners house is nearly paid for and has also has recently been given a lot of money in comenstion 70.000. so there for i don't fell its right for her to support me as i'am also on pip and registered disabled. and will never work again ????????????. doe's compensation count as savings ??????????


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