Have I gone wrong?

[ShelWhitt]

did i go wrong and if so what now?

I went to grammar school, dud well and left to do did secretarial course over 3 years 3 nights a week whilst working in local government. in retrospect i suffered from endometriosis all that time and possibly fibromyalgia as well although this didn't disrupt my life until some twenty years later when i started the long journey to find out what was wrong, and get well enough to continue my career. After physio, pain killers, etc. and had lost my job. Failed an appeal for any benefits including unemployment benefit as I had ONLY paid married woman's stamp for 35 years, even though in full time employment all this time ( a friend of mine paid full stamp on part time working, contributing less than i did and did get benefits) I eventually, some 30 years later paid to see a rheumatologist (ten years ago) 15 years after i had lost my job, and was eventually, after several false starts was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I am now retired and receive just over £70 per week retirement pension. What I would like to know is - what if I had never worked, and pushed myself thro all those years of training and holding down a stressful full time job whilst bringing up two daughters, in spite of suffering thro illness, (albeit i am married and my husband has played his part,,) how much worse off I would have been financially staying at home throughout all those years , bearing in mind I would not have made any national insurance contributions had I not been working at all, and how much less would i be receiving than £70 per week, had i not worked at all. Bearing I am now 77, not worked since i was 53 and did not receive any benefits until OAP at 60 I ask all this for a reason because I know lots of people who have never worked, for whatever, and have far more money to spend than I have on a daily basis. I am talking about socially here, not necessities. Go to bingo several times a week, out socially drinking and for meals, run a car . hairdressing, nails done, massages, etc. Things I would struggle to afford, even tho I have a husband who has contributed all his working life to a pension. I hope there is a financial wizard out there who can tell me if I have gone wrong somewhere and how to put it right before it is too late. By my calculations, somewhere along the line I should be in line for a lot of compensation or back pay - joke.

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee]

not sure if there is a way of quantifying this but the serenity prayer came to mind

Deity of choice, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I think if there is something you can change and time to do it in then talking to an IFA is the best advice.

[bantam12]

I haven't paid full stamp as I took time out for family then was self employed, if I top up with the £3k shortfall I then get maximum pension in 2 years time, I would imagine it's to late for you to do that but I don't know for sure.

[Bananas5]

Bargaining

What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream? We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements.

We want life returned to what it was.. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion.

The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to justify how we feel

x

[Hidden]

unfortunately hun its too late for you now to catch up with N.I contributions, I was offered this age 55 before I took early retirement age 61, I receive ESA & PIP until late 2020 when I get gov. pension, I have no idea what I will get then as benefits keep changing and I cannot get a pension forecast online- Ive tried a few times and is has said "contributions not up to date" I am hoping this is not the dwp who are supposed to top up my pension from the ESA, we shall see!

[YASMINTINA FMA UK Volunteer]

Hi there , I have read your post and I’m sure many people will have gone down this route and think to themselves how unfair life can be when you have worked many years, sometimes we have to share how we are feeling, , I’ve not done anything work wise for the last 4 years due to cfs/fibro , I am now 57, no pension till 66, small private one I had I cashed in last year as thought would be more helpful having it there if I needed it, as husband retired 5 years early, I don’t blame him as had many years traveling being away from home and quite a stressful management job . Always helpful to people’s experiences on the forum, and friendly advice, take carexx

[AllthatGlitters]

Hi I could have written part of your story with the illnesses and job loss and to find I was not entitled to any benefits although I had worked for many years (still do).

I think if you go back and try to work out what ifs / should have done things differently then it’s not good for your mental health. Nothing will change knowing this information. I personally think the benefit system is all wrong, it’s not there for some people when they need a hand financially due to certain circumstances.

Live in the moment, enjoy your family life, try mindfulness as it really works x