Not what I was expecting

Hello All, Last week I had an appointment with a psychological therapist for help with my depression, I'm not sure if I am being overly sensitive but I came from there feeling so much worse, have cried for days and have had some awful dark thoughts wondering why I am struggling to fighting for some kind of improvement in life. I explained my situation, crying all the time, no motivation, falling asleep for 10 minutes at night and then woken by nightmares and then awake for hours and feeling exhausted next day and the anxiety I have about my loved ones.

My mobility is rubbish and has been for last 4 years since I had hip replacement that went wrong and have been left with nerve damage in opposite leg that also needs replacing (not that I'll be going anywhere near an operating theatre again) I was diagnosed with fibro in May this year, a relief because I was thinking I was going insane with pain everywhere!!!

Anyway back to my therapist, she just kept asking me, 'what do you want me to do?' and 'how am I supposed to help?' eventually, in floods of tears I asked what she had available to help me, she offered me cognitive behaviour therapy course for 8wks that I do online at home, that she would be my 'whipping boy' (her words) for 6sessions or to purchase a book off amazon called 'mindfulness for health' I choose the book but found her attitude to my problems strange, she told me ' how do you expect to sleep at night if your not active? I did tell her I do gentle exercises She obviously didn't understand the pain of nerve damage, an arthritic hip and inflamed coccyx as well as usual fibro pain. I cant take antidepressants as they give me migraines but she suggested going to my gp to increase my citalopram.

I don't feel like I will ever go back or ask for help again, she made me feel like I was an absolute nuisance to her day.

18 Replies

  • Find another therapist! My first one was like that but I needed one on one councilling for 6mths, not mindfulness or cognitive therapy like she offered (the first one in groups!! 😫 ) it does make you cry a the beginning though as it draws out emotions and memories.

  • Thanks for your comments, will think about another therapist maybe, i'm not concern about the crying part as I do it often anyway, it was more the feeling I got off her that my problems were trivial and my insomnia was down to my inability to be active x

  • Hi, doesn't sound like you had a very positive time! She may be better finding out what you want to achieve rather than asking what you want her to do. The decision should be about what can realistically achieve. I'm sure you don't need a 'whipping boy' but you do need a sensitive professional who can help you to achieve small, but positive steps.

    You're not a nuisance at all and maybe she's just not the right therapist for you. She doesn't seem to gave any knowledge regarding chronic pain and just how debilitating it is emotionally, physically and mentally.....

    Hope your day gets a little better,

    Rachel xx

  • Thank for your response, actually feel the people on here are more supportive and understanding than any therapist xx

  • Think it helps to know how it feels xx

  • I suggest that you do go back to your GP and tell him/her of your very negative experience, it is not unusual to feel worse after a first appointment because you are bringing up all the issues that brought you there in the first place however a therapist is generally more willing to interact than this one you had the misfortune to meet, so definitely seek further help. I do hope you get the answers you need and deserve. Lou xx

  • Thanks for your comment, I do have an appointment coming up with my GP so will think about mentioning to him how it went xx

  • I think they should ,be trained in our health issues,if they are counciling us , I am waiting to be told I need counciling, my daughter has mentioned it , I am very similar as you by sound of it , and I hate what my conditions have done to me ,

    Take care

    Chris X

  • thanks for your response, I understand how you feel about your condition im exactly the same, I am so angry and upset that I have fibro along with other problems that have completely stolen my life as I knew it, I feel like my life before these issues belonged to someone else and now I cant even remember what it feels like to be without pain. fingers crossed one day there will be something discovered that will help us xxx

  • I am with you , the fibro is the icing on cake even rhumatolgist says my worse symptoms are fibro , it's the other stuff that's can be life threatening but the fibro is life changing for me . So yes it makes me angry and makes me down , they have been trying to adjust my meds,dulexotine they though because my mood detetminated after a relationship breakup and my daughter becoming unwell 5 months ago they dropped the dose for a month they have put it back up but it's still not right so it's probably going to be put up again ,

    Good luck

    Chris x

  • Hiya sorry your having such a bad time of it, I think that we are all the same at these times.

    The trouble is when you get to a counclier first thing they say is right you get 6 appointment than that's it as if we can put a time on it.

    When I went all I found out was how much trouble she had with her bathroom and plumber. It felt like I was helping her.

    The second time I got the next instalment so third time when she started I said I won't be coming back as I had heared enought about her troubles and I could sit there with a piece of paper reading notes from it and that I was sorry but I couldn,t help her with her plumber, electrical and decorating.

    Was no use at all.

    The thing is let's face it what can they do if we don't know ourself how can anyone else understand how we feel.

    We are all individuals and all feel diffarant about things and handle things in diffarant ways.

    Best of luck


  • Bless, how awful for you to have to counsel your counseler, it would be funny if it wasn't our lives xxx

  • Hi helenstaton

    I am so genuinely sorry to read that and I sincerely hope that you can find the answers that you so desperately desire and deserve. It sounds like it was a very negative experience for you and I would let your GP know exactly how you felt and feel about it all.

    I want to gneuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck.

    All my hopes and dreams for you


  • Thanks for your comments, I am thinking about mentioning it to my GP xx

  • Helen do talk to your GP so you can be referred to someone who can actually help you... That's what they are there for. Shadow a good councillor will educate themselves on our health issues as mine did, if they are any good. You don't always find the right help first time but you must be honest with your gp about what you feel you need. You now have people here too who care. ❤️

  • Thanks for your comment, its always so disappointing when you don't get the help and understanding you thought you were going to get, I waited for months for this appointment and really thought and hoped that she would be able to support me, after the visit I did feel like giving up completely but since I posted on here I do think I will continue looking for the right help xxx

  • I have just read your post and I am sorry about how the therapist made you felt. If it were me, I would do a few things. Firstly, I would go back and have a chat with the therapist in order to tell them about the negative impact that they had on me. I would ask them if it was their intent. If it was then make a complaint and get another therapist. If it was not then explain the impact of their approach and see whether you could continue to work together. I emphasise the word together. The power in the relationship should not be with the therapist. They are there to guide you and support you.

    Another option maybe to think about whether face to face therapy is good for you at the moment. Maybe have a chat with your GP to see what other services are available to you.

    The main thing to remember is that you know you, if that makes sense. Trust your instincts and if something is not working then stop doing it.

    I hope that post is of help to you.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    Best wishes,


  • Thanks for your response, at the moment I really feel I cant face her again as I don't feel strong enough, I may change as time passes but at this time I feel I have to protect myself from all things negative that impact my emotions and ability to cope xxxx

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