Originally Thinking of fenbadger - Fibromyalgia Acti...

Fibromyalgia Action UK

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Originally Thinking of fenbadger

nedd profile image
nedd
59 Replies

Not politics honest.

Bit wordy but. I would have posted the link but 'twas one of those Mdaisy would have pulled.

At the start of a new Millennium, mankind is still fighting and the political map of the world is shifting. Here are some definitions to help you distinguish your democracy from your dictatorship:

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to look after them and sells you the milk.

Applied Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them and you all share the milk.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

Nigerian democracy: You have two cows. The Government takes both and shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.

Militarism: You have two cows. The Government takes both and drafts you.

Singaporean democracy: You have two cows. The Government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

Pure democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

Representative democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American democracy: The Government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the President is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs it "Cowgate". The cow sues you for breach of contract.

European democracy: You have two cows. At first the Government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes them both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Hong Kong capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a bank, then do a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so you get four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, which sells the right to seven cows milk back to the listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The Government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Political correctness: You are associated with (the concept of ownership is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering , intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

British democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The Government does not do anythin

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nedd profile image
nedd
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59 Replies
nedd profile image
nedd

Made me smile.

in reply to nedd

Me too :) xx

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest

Oh that is absolutely wonderful dear nedd and brought me to fits of the giggles........fab U Lous 😂😂😂😂

That was a giggle and a half :)

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest in reply to

Only one and a half, to me it was nearly bathroom here I come 😉😉😃😃😜

in reply to Fibrofoggiest

Giggle and a half is high praise :D

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest in reply to

Clearly I have a insane giggle meter 😜😜😜

in reply to Fibrofoggiest

Or....I am being perverse :p

nedd profile image
nedd in reply to

Nothing wrong with a bit of perversity.

in reply to nedd

Thank you Need! Being perverse can keep the world sane :)

nedd profile image
nedd in reply to

When I am up against it its my default mode!

in reply to nedd

I can't argue with that......well I could, but I won't :p

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Checking that hell has not frozen over in light of that statement :D

in reply to Ian123

I saw the pig fly so that statement stands :D

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Last one I saw fly was at a Pink Floyd concert :-)

Your lips move but I can't hear what your saying :P

in reply to Ian123

Maybe you were feeling a little too good at that concert and being high saw my pig fly :p

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest in reply to

Hhhhmmmm look at your watch madam .........😜😜😜😜

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Comfortably Numb :-)

in reply to Ian123

What more could you ask for :)

Saw a cartoon video of the way to do yoga, balancing a bottle that various excersises tip the bottle to your mouth, end result is bottle empty and subject flat on his back! One bottle you're flexible two bottles and you're double jointed :D

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Can do legless without any assistance :-)

in reply to Ian123

But are you suitably numb for the inevitable falling over :p

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

You have to stand up before you can fall down dont be hasty :P

in reply to Ian123

Too true, its hard to fall flatter than flat on your back :)

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Solid risk assessment right again as usual

:-)

in reply to Ian123

I thought we were on liquid risk assessments :p

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Do not drink and drive , you will spill it :P

liquid risk assessment ;-)

in reply to Ian123

Unless you use a long straw :)

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Obvious hazard drawing a short straw :P

in reply to Ian123

You are driving that point home well methinks :)

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Licensed to spill ;-)

in reply to Ian123

An but is it shaken or stirred, Mr Bond :)

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to

Brooke Bond and tea is best stirred :P

in reply to Ian123

But not with that short straw ;)

fenbadger profile image
fenbadger in reply to

undignified heap in the offing :D

fenbadger profile image
fenbadger in reply to

There's a brew called comfortably numb :P

in reply to fenbadger

If I made it according to my dad it wouldn't be numb but paralysed :)

Ian123 profile image
Ian123 in reply to fenbadger

Avoid the last straw it can leave camels in undignified heaps allegedly :-)

lou1065 profile image
lou1065

Well done for making me smile xxx

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest in reply to lou1065

Me too Lou 😀😀

in reply to lou1065

Are you hard to make smile? :p

lou1065 profile image
lou1065 in reply to

Not as a rule, been run off my feet today all calm now xx

in reply to lou1065

Had a few days like that recently :)

Granddaughters 1st birthday today but had all the family up for buffet style snacks on Saturday!

A giggle a day keeps the blues away :D

tulips123 profile image
tulips123

:) Scarily accurate! Tulip :)

Regnofibro1 profile image
Regnofibro1

Love this ! Had me laughing so hard!!! Oh please please can I send this to my daughter!!!!

Regnofibro1 profile image
Regnofibro1

Oh dear foggy I my giggle meter I do believe is worse than yours! Bathroom here I come!!!!😂😂😂

in reply to Regnofibro1

Ladies, ladies, calm yourselves! There are products available for sensitive bladders when the queue for the toilet is too long :p

lou1065 profile image
lou1065 in reply to

I have them all xx

Regnofibro1 profile image
Regnofibro1 in reply to

I am going to have to get me some of them thar thingy majegs!!😂😂😂😂

in reply to Regnofibro1

Those things majigs can be a life saver, especially for the gigglers among us :)

Regnofibro1 profile image
Regnofibro1 in reply to

For sure😂😂😂

Fibrofoggiest profile image
Fibrofoggiest in reply to

I prefer a visit to the powder room myself, of course being well trained and phosisticated ....whoops seems like pennies cost tenna's these days 😉😉😉😉😂😂😂😂

fenbadger profile image
fenbadger in reply to Fibrofoggiest

tenna lady?

mattoid-mags profile image
mattoid-mags in reply to

Haha I tested one out on Saturday, may as well have just left it off. There was that much rain, running, dripping, bouncing off me- one would not have noticed if I had had a wee accident hehehe

Ian123 profile image
Ian123

Politics with less Bull brilliant :-)

clare_hart profile image
clare_hart

OMG! Totally hysterical. But really sad. I just signed a petition in the US asking that the government not allow milk to be thrown away while kids go hungry. Junk thinking!

TheAuthor profile image
TheAuthor

Thanks nedd absolutely hysterical!

Good chuckle fodder Nedd :)

Thankyou

{{{{ Ned }}}}} fluffies and smiles :)

xxx sian :)

Midori profile image
Midori

Seems about right!

fenbadger profile image
fenbadger

How did I miss this one? Oh, I know. Brain fog, internet problems and busy. Delete as applicable :O

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